I Can't Quit You, Babe
by Layla Taylor
Summary: STELLA'S BACK! But can she forgive herself for the things she has done and forget her past love and have a future she never thought Continuation of A Cut Above The Rest & The Long And Winding Road - Part Three Of The Stella Saga
1. Chapter 1

It had been one of those days when nothing went right and it was only noon. Tig sat at the bar in the clubhouse, alone with his thoughts.

"Rough day?"

A female voice asked which of course grabbed his attention straight away. He looked over at the front door and saw a beautiful woman with a sultry figure and long fiery dark red hair, wearing big Tom Ford sunglasses that covered most of her face.

"Yeah" he answered suspiciously

"What? You've forgotten me already?" She asked with a smile "Alex, It's only been three years"

She slowly took her glasses off and smiled at him. There was no mistaking those green eyes, sure she had gotten them from her father but they were beautiful. He stared at her shocked for a few seconds before jumping off his chair and rushing over to hug her. Stella held on to him tight and closed her eyes because finally she felt like she was home. He pulled back to take a look at her and he saw the bruises at the corner of her eye and across her temple. He moved her face to the side to take a good look at it

"Picked up the wrong guy in a bar"

"Did you give, as good as you got?"

"With some help from the yellow pages by the bed, yeah."

Tig cracked up laughing at the imagine he got in his mind of his tiny Princess beating the crap out some guy with the yellow pages but then he kept thinking

"Since when are you picking up guys in bars?"

"It's better then marrying them" she told him shrugging her shoulders. He frowned at her before hugging her again. Before wondering if she was ever going to heal completely. They walked over to the bar and he poured her a whiskey.

She sat at the bar with him and they caught up, in actual fact Stella was trying to keep her mind off the fact that she was sitting in the clubhouse. The place all her nightmares had taken place over the past three years, the nightmares that don't seem to let up or let her surrender to a peaceful nights sleep. If Stella actually thought about it for too long, she would relive what she did in the waking hours too.

"Could you look anymore Irish, right now?" Tig asked her.

"It's the red hair and the pale skin" she laughed and poured herself other drink.

"So where have you been?"

"Dublin, Hamburg, St Petersburg, Alberta, Miami, Seattle, Ranch in Mexico, Charlotte, Boston again and then Harlan"

It didn't surprise him that she had been so many places, that was Stella but one thing did stand out and he had to ask

"Ranch in Mexico?"

"Yeah, so if you ever need Darby tagged and vaccinated, you know who to call"

"We'll keep that in mind"

They heard someone walk into the room but either of them looked up to see Chibs, that was until he said

"Well, if it isn't the toast of Dublin"

Stella quickly jumped and race over to him

"Do you know everybody?" she asked hugging him.

"No. Just a certain Gentleman" Stella lent back and stared at him surprised, of all the people in Dublin that Chibs knew, it had to be him. Stella couldn't believe her luck "I think you won a heart there, Stel"

"Pity I couldn't return it"

"I explain it to him. He understands, don't worry about it"

She hugged him again truly thankful that Chibs had done that for her. He didn't have too. They made their way back to the bar. Stella met some of the new Prospects'. She thought some of them were in over their head and had no idea what they were in for, but then again they never did. Stella was kind of glad she was a girl and never had to do the whole Prospect thing. Stella liked being their Princess too much.

"So why didn't I get a swing set and a slide?" she asked about the new addition to the clubhouse "I feel ripped off. Ruined my childhood, it has"

"You got a jumping castle, Princess"

"For like an hour, until Opie and Jax busted a hole in it!" she said laughing.

Gemma saw the familiar, worse for wear Porsche in the driveway. Her breath got caught in her throat, in surprise. She dropped the things in her hands on to the desk and rushed over. Gemma burst through the front door. The guys was smiled at her

"Where is she?"

Stella stood up from behind the bar "I'm here and you're out whiskey"

They walked over to each other and had a long awaited hug. As they did Stella's top lifted up and her bare back was shown and something was missing. Her Kozik and crow tattoo no longer there. She had them removed.

"Hey" Tig called out before both the girls looked at him surprised "You missing a crow, there"

Stella quickly touch her back and pulled her top down, she turned back to face them.

"I still have the most important one" she said holding up her wrist, with a crow sitting on top of a letter A. She just smiled at him, hoping that would be the end of the conversation. Stella stifled a yawn. They couldn't all see how tired she was, they could as soon as she walked into the clubhouse.

"Baby, why don't you go sleep in Jax's old room, for a little bit, recharge"

They were surprised that she didn't fight Gemma on it. Stella just kissed them all and walked into the back. Gemma walked over and stood next to Tig.

"I'll go and get some food, stock her house up with things. If she can stay there, I know I couldn't with the ghosts in that house"

"She's not okay is she?" he asked worried.

"No where near, Tigger. No where near"

They all thought that once she come back that Stella would be back to normal but it was only now that they could see the pain still in her eyes. What she did was still with her. He was still with her and there was nothing that they could do.

After a quickly shop and a quick clean up of Stella's old place Gemma drove back into the autoshop and saw that her son was back. Gemma didn't say a word when she saw him. She just smiled, very mischievously and that was never a good sign. Jax playfully frowned at his mother and wiped his hands on an old red rag, before leaning against the wall and finally asking

"What's that smile about?"

"Oh, nothing" his mother said her smile getting bigger "There is just a Princess sleeping in your old bed. That's all"

"What?"

"Yeah, go look"

Jax dropped the old rag and walked across to the clubhouse and down the hallway to his old room. Jax quietly opened the door and moved across the room before kneeling by the bed. He gently brushed his hand through her red hair and on to her cheek. Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled at him.

"Hey, Red"

"Hey Jackson" she said smiling "You okay?"

"Better now" he said She guessed that they were always going to share something special now, given everything that they had been through together. She turned over on to her side and Jax saw the marks on her face and she saw the anger in his eyes. She just smiled and told him that she was okay "Is it your full time job to worry me, Woman?"

"It's okay. I took care of it"

"Yeah but you shouldn't have too, Stella. That's when you call us. You don't have to do everything yourself"

She smiled, brushed his cheek with the back of her hand and chuckled "You're going to ride all the way out to Shawnee, to beat a guy up for me?"

"I'd go farther" Stella laughed before yawning again. He brushed her hair back again "Go back to sleep"

Suddenly she remembered something and lightly grabbed his hand

"Can you check out Trixie for me? She didn't sound too good on the way here, I think some things is wrong with her"

"Trixie? You named your car?"

"Yeah"

"Stella, you are such a girl"

Stella chuckled and fell straight back to sleep and Jax went out to try and fix her car.

Next time she opened her eyes the sun was going down and she couldn't sleep anymore, so she hopped out of the bed and walked to the bar. Like always, her dreams were keeping her up. Stella smiled when she saw Bobby's guitar just sitting there.

_I miss those blue eyes, how you kiss me at night. I miss the way we sleep. Like there's no sunrise, like the taste of your smile.I miss the way we breathe. But I never told you what I should have said. No, I never told you, I just held it in_

Tig knew that voice he walked out of the back rooms and saw Stella, sitting on top of the Bar, strumming Bobby's guitar, Singing quietly to nobody, but herself.

_And now I miss everything about you. I can't believe it, I still want you. And after all the things we've been through I miss everything about you, without you_

He thought about it for a second, listened to the words she was mindlessly singing, thought about the room she was in, thought about what she had done there, who she had said goodbye to in that room.

_I see your blue eyes every time I close mine. You make it hard to see. Where I belong to, when I'm not around you. It's like I'm not with me_

She had been gone for three years and she hadn't healed and there was still nothing he could do about it.

"You're getting better at that thing" he called out

"Dated an Army Medic/Musician for a bit. He taught me a few things"

"And I am sure you did the same, for him" Tig said with a chuckle. "You going to stick around until after church. You feel like a party?"

"Always"

Suddenly they heard a bunch of little foot steps, followed by a few big foot steps. Tig watched Stella's face light up, knowing it was all of the kids, coming to see her. She jumped off the bar as Ellie and Kenny ran in yelling excited. Stella kneeled down on the ground and they both ran into her arms.

"You guys have gotten so big!" she told them, as if they didn't know "You okay?"

They both nodded their heads excited and happy before Stella looked up to see Abel in Jax's arms and this one hit her hard. He was just a baby when she left, he had just started crawl and now he was a little boy, she couldn't believe her eyes.

"No" she said to Jax, even though she knew it was Abel. Jax just nodded his head and smiled before he handed Abel to her. Stella stared amazed at the little boy in her arms, she took in every feature, every little detail "It's official. I've been gone too long"

Jax, Opie and Tig looked on as Stella's martial side shined on through. None of them said it but their hearts broke knowing, that for Stella, this was as good as it was going to get.


	2. Chapter 2

Stella stood at the bar waiting for them to get out of Church, it was nice to know that some things never changed. Friday night equals church always had been, always will be. She lent against the bar and had the feeling that she was being watched. Stella shook it off, told herself that she was being silly and got back to her drink. She was in fact right, there was someone watching her. Ima. It was Ima's first encounter with the sultry figure and haunting green eyes. Was she a crow eater? And the bigger question. Was she with Jax? Stella quietly stood at the bar and poured herself another drink. Suddenly she felt someone slap her backside as they walked past. She froze for a second. It was an uncommon thing for that to happen in this clubhouse and it shocked her , she didn't know what to do. Stella turned around to see one of the new prospects smirking at her. Her brain was slowly starting to catch up. She quickly grabbed his arm and swung him over to the bar, before slamming the side of his face on to the bar top. The prospect was twice her size and it was only the fact that he was in total shock that Stella could do what she had just done; otherwise she would have had no hope. She pressed his head down on the Bar top before asking

"You're new right?"

"Yeah"

"Let me give you a word of advice. You ever do that again, I will hurt you and if you're stupid enough to do that again in front of the guys, Tig will be the one to kill you. Understood?"

The prospect nodded his head, as much as he could "Yeah"

Stella released him just as the door opened and everybody filed out of church. Opie looked over at Stella and knew something had just gone down, he just didn't know what. He walked over to the bar and smiled at her

"What just happened?

"Oh it was nothing, I just smashed one of the prospects" she told him smiling, as Opie looked at her confused "He slapped my arse"

Opie looked at her shocked and then his face turned too pissed off, very quickly. He turned in the direction of the Prospect with a huge red mark on his face. "Hey, Prospect!"

"It's alright" she said patting Opie's arm "I took care of it"

"Did you use the yellow pages again?"

"Sadly no"

"Glad to have you back" he said hugging her tight. "You okay?"

"I'm getting there, babe. I'm getting there, still hurts"

All the guys filed out of the room and wondered who the hot red head that Opie was hugging actually was. She looked familiar but they all just couldn't place her. She turned around and loved to watch the realisation on all their faces as they figured it out one by one. Stella just smiled. Clay was the first one to see it. He barged past everyone else. He lifted her up in his arms and held her tight, he was glad to see her in one piece. Clay knew she was thirty but to him, Stella would always be that little girl braiding daisies into her hair.

"Glad to see you, Princess" he told her placing her back on the ground "He's a different guy when you're away"

Stella knew that it was Tig that he was talking about. There were many side to her Scarecrow, Stella had been fortunate enough to only seen the good and never the bad. Slowly one by one all the guys walked up to her and gave her a huge hug hello and for the first time in a long time she truly smiled.

She was standing there at the bar with Opie and wrapped in Jax's free arm, the other of course holding a beer. All talking, telling them both stories of her travels, Of course she didn't tell them the full story about her time in Dublin, she certainly left out the name Liam McBride. They didn't need to know about her brief love affair with her Dublin Darling and she hoped that Chibs wouldn't tell them. Some things and some people Stella liked to keep to herself, even from her Scarecrow. Suddenly Stella saw a skinny, blonde giving her a death stare to end all death stares. Stella wasn't sure who she was, but she was pretty sure what her occupation had to be.

"Why is the porn star giving me stink eye?"

Opie looked over his shoulder and smiled when he saw it was Ima. He looked back at Jax and tried not to laugh.

"I don't know. Jackson? What about you? Is there any reason that Ima would be giving Stella stink eye?"

Stella could read between the lines and it was Jax they were talking about. She looked at him in both disgusted and shock before shaking her head

"Dude, I hope you bathed in Dettol afterwards because that's really gross. Jackson, my god!"

Opie tried not to laugh. Jax had been told the truth in a way that only Stella could get away with.

"Dude" Jax said to Opie "You're with Lyla"

"No. No that's different. Lyla classy and that" Stella said pointing to Ima "Ewwww"

"This coming from the woman picks up guys in bars, these days"

"Jackson, your only requirement for sleeping with somebody is that they are wearing a skirt"

Opie couldn't contain himself any longer, he burst out laughing

"Not true" Jax told them

"Man, come on" Opie told Jax in between his laughter

"Jax" Stella told Jax "If you were Female, you'd be Ima"

Gemma looked on without them knowing it of course. She watched Opie and Stella making fun of her son, Jax taking it all in good humour. Suddenly Juice was byStella's side and handed her a pool cue and she just laughed. Suddenly Clay was by Gemma's side.

"What are you looking at?"

"The future"

They looked over to see Juice and Stella using their pool cue as swords against each other. They both laughed because no matter how old they were, someday they were still kids.

"Do you think she'll keep them in line?"

"Clay, she already does"

The game of pool got underway and clearly Juice hadn't gotten the memo that Stella had been working in a pool hall and a bar in Harlan because it was the first game she actually won. Gemma continued to watch all night Stella reminded Gemma so much of herself and she loved how closed Stella and Lyla seemed to be. It reminded Gemma of Luann. Could history really be repeating itself? Gemma hoped that there would be a happier ending the second time around.

Lyla and Stella were up and dancing to _Burning down the House_ as Jax and Opie watched on. Opie looked over at Jax and saw something he never thought he would see. Jax was checking out Stella. Opie frowned and wondered What the Hell?

"Really?"

Jax looked over at him confused "What?"

"Could you let one woman go, Jax? Seriously!"

Jax considered lying about it about he knew that Opie would be able to see through the lies. Jax looked down at the ground, then back up it his friend

"It's not even like that. It's different Ope"

"Since when?" Opie asked protectively.

"Since before Kozik walked back into her life. To her everyone else was just second"

Opie looked over at Jax and then watched the girls for a second. Opie knew a truth that he wasn't sure that Jax had figured out yet. If anything was to happen between Stella and Jackson, he wouldn't be second. Jackson would in fact be third. Tig was always going to be first, no one even questioned that, it was just the way of the world. Kozik was always being to be second, he was always going to be in her heart and her mind. He took Stella's heart she never got it back. Any other man was lucky to come in third. That was the best Jax could do. Opie doubted if his knew that.

"You know that Stella thinks of you as a brother type, right?"

"Ope, I know that it may never happen but I can't ignore it. I've tried, it doesn't work"

They heard the girls laughing and it took them away from the conversation. It was good to see them both smile and too see Stella actually happy. She had come a long way since sitting at the bottom of that pool. They were both dancing around like fools and they didn't care, that what made it so much fun.

Stella woke up on the sofa in the clubhouse, smelling motorcycle grease and stale beer and she was positive that there was a hippo standing on her head and a trapeze act going on in her stomach. She was getting too old to party the way she did the night before.

"Morning" someone said .Stella looked up to see Bobby standing there smiling at her "How are you feeling?"

"Ouch"

"You want some breakfast. Bacon? Eggs?"

"Oh my god, Bobby. Please don't say eggs"

"Pancakes?" Stella smiled at him "Pancakes it is"

He helped her up off the sofa before she made her way over to the bar and sat back down, again. Stella rested her head on the bar top and closed her eyes again. The light didn't hurt as much when her eyes were close. Someone walked behind the bar and brushed her hair with their hand and started to make a drink. Stella didn't open her eyes, there was no need too, and she knew she was safe, she knew it was one of her guys.

"Drink up beautiful" Chibs said placing a glass in front of her. She looked up at the glass; it looked like it was full of fishing bait.

"What's in it?"

"You don't want to know but it will make you feel better"

Stella picked the glass up and tried not to think of how disgusting it looked. She held her nose and chugged it back, trying not to throw up in the process. Once she had finished Chibs past her a glass of water.

"That's gross, really gross"

"You're welcome" he said laughing as Stella rested her head on the bar again. Placing the cold glass of water on her temple and closing her eyes again. Clay walked into the clubhouse and laughed when he saw the state that Stella was in.

"I told you gin was the devils' drink" he called out. Stella sat up quickly, opened her eyes and looked at Clay surprised

"I drank gin, last night?"

"You don't remember? What was the last thing you remember drinking?"

"Scotch, beer and then white rum"

"Then you mainlined the tequila and finished with gin before passing out"

"Did I disgrace myself?"

"Nah!"

Stella still wasn't sure if she should believe him, last night was certainly cloudy. She was dreading what she had to do today, she was dreading were she had to go but she knew there was no escaping it. Stella just had to bite the bullet.

She knew she couldn't avoid it forever but even still when she parked in front of the house that use to be hers, still was hers. She couldn't help but feel a little on edge. There were too many memories between those walls, too many ghosts, but she had to face them sometime. She took a shaky breath before turning off the engine and hopping out of the car. Her heart was beating fast as she walked up the garden path and turned the key to open the door. The place didn't smell stuffy at all but when she saw the kitchen all stocked up with her favourites Stella knew that Gemma had been around. She was always taking care of Stella, without Stella knowing it. Gemma was kind her fairy god mother when it come it things like that. She tired to ignore the heaviness she felt on her shoulders, the past weighting down on her. She walked down the hallway and into the bedroom. She took another deep breath as he walked through the door and sat down on her side of the bed. She closed her eyes and ran her fingers through her hair, knowing that the hardest part was over. It could only get better from here, right? Suddenly something caught her eye, something shining in the sunlight on her dresser drawers. Something that Stella thought was lost to her. Something she had burnt a long time ago, her engagement ring. She picked it up like it was the most fragile thing in the world and tired to stop her right hand from shaking as she slipped it on her finger.

"I'll found it in the BBQ barrel, right at the bottom" Some ones voice said out in the hallway. Stella looked up to see Gemma walk in and sit next to her "Must have fallen in the right place or been shielded by the right thing because it survived. I had to soak it for a few days to get rid of the muck but I thought you might want it back someday. You always loved it, so much"

"Yeah, he did well"

"I get worried you're only going to remember the bad stuff. I don't want you to forget how much he loved you and Stella he really did"

"Gemma, he tried to kill your son"

"Yeah, he was an idiot but a sweet idiot and you still love him"

"God knows why"

Someone entered the house and called out hello. It was Jax, Stella quickly hide her engagement ring from him before he got into the room. It was clear that he had interrupted something between the girls and he didn't want to know what about.

"Hey" Stella said with a smile

"Got some bad news"

"Is it Alex?" she asked panicked.

"No he's fine. It's Trixie. We can't fix her"

"No Jax you have to fix her. I've had that car since I was sixteen. She's been my only car, you can fix her"

"Stella, how many times have you driven that car across the country?"

"Fair few"

"Exactly. She's dead" he tried not to laugh at her cuteness when frowned and pouted at him " Tig's looking into a Mustang for you. It's black and shiny"

"Don't patronise me because a _girl_" she told him laughing

"Fine, it has a really big engine and can do really good burn outs"

"Now we're talking" she said before throwing a pillow at him. Gemma watched the interaction between the two. Clearly Jax still had feeling for her, even though he refused to admit it to his mother, anymore. Stella still had no clue but then again she wouldn't know to look out for it either. She was in the dark and that's how Jax liked it. Stella was going to be shocked to her core, when she found out the truth


	3. Chapter 3

Jax watched her walk through the auto shop and it was like she had never left, dressed in tight jeans, black button up shirt and amazingly flat shoes. It shunned him that she even owned a pair of flat shoes; he only ever remembered her ever wearing high heels. He actually needed her help with something.

"Hey"

"Hi" she said suspiciously, knowing that he was up to no good.

"What are you doing?"

"Working" she said chuckling "What do you need?"

"Show me your hands" Stella her hands up in the air and looked at him confused. "Yeah, you'll do"

"Oh geez. Thanks"

"Hop on the creeper"

Stella continued to look up him confused. He just smiled pointed down to it. She looked down and he watched the realisation wash over her face as she finally understood.

"That is what the thing is called?"

"Yeah, what did you think it was called?"

"Well I didn't know. I've been calling it The-flat-thing-with-wheels-that-you-guys-use-to-slide-under-things "

Jax laughed out loud

"That's a long name"

Stella shook her head before taking the rings off her fingers and threading them on to a long piece of thin leather she had been wearing around her neck. There was another ring sitting around her neck, a gold band which would have been too big too wear on her tiny hand. He decided not to ask her about it and just fix the car. Once she was under the car Stella understood why Jax needed small hands to get the job done, even she was getting stuck. They had just finish when she felt someone grab her ankle and pull her out from under the car. She let out a quiet girlish shriek as she was wheeled out at high speed. Suddenly she was looking up at her Scarecrow

"What are you doing?"

"Jax needed small hands" she told him before hold up her hands and wriggling her fingers. He grabbed her by the wrists and pulled her up onto her feet.

"Gemma's looking for you"

Stella nodded her head and made her way into the office. The two men watched her go, both with a lot on their mind

"Have you seen that ring around her neck?" Jax asked before Tig nodded his head "It's his, isn't it?"

"My guess what be that it is his wedding ring"

Jax looked over at him in shocked. That was a little piece of information that Jackson hadn't heard before. There were so many questions that he wanted to ask but deep down inside he knew that it didn't matter. Just was out of his own curiosity.

Stella lightly knocked on the office door and smiled at Gemma. She took off her glasses and smiled back at Stella before waving her inside.

"You wanted to see me"

"Yeah, I just wanted to check in really. Well that and ask you a favour"

"And the favour is?"

"Can you take Abel tonight? Something came up and I can't"

"Yeah of course"

"Thanks"

Stella smiled and knew that Gemma was worried about her in some way. She could see it in Gemma's face, there was no hiding it. Stella sat down across from her.

"What was the real reason you called me in here? You're worried about what exactly?"

Gemma chuckled and wondered how it was that Stella could read people so well. No one could keep a secret from her but Stella herself, was like Pandora's box. The only person who used to see through the façade that Stella put up was in fact Kozik. Even Tig had trouble some days.

"You're vanishing tattoo"

Stella nodded her head, knowing that some one was going to bring it up sometime. She was lucky that it had been Gemma. It made this conversation a whole lot easier.

"I was in Dublin and in a relationship with this wonderful guy who was falling in love with me and who I wanted desperately to love back. I thought it was time to get rid of it, to say goodbye. I was still hurting and I thought if I didn't have to look at it every damn day. I would start to heal faster but now, I kind of regret it. You kept your crow from John, Tara kept hers from Jax. I should have kept mine. They are for life, I should have kept it. It's a part of the deal"

Gemma reached over across the table, held Stella's hand.

"I think given your circumstance it's okay, Baby"

"I miss it, Gemma. How crazy is that?"

Gemma gave her a small sweet smile. She remembered that feeling after John died and she sort of knew how Stella was feeling.

"It's not the Tattoo you miss, Baby. What you miss is everybody knowing in an instant that you belonged to him, that you two were connected but no one will forgot. I promise you that"

Stella looked up and Gemma surprised, grateful, and relieved all rolled into one. Gemma gave her a wicked little smile, which had up to no good written all over it.

"So tell me about this guy in Dublin"

"Liam" Stella said with a Chuckle "Chibs knows him, apparently I can keep no secrets. He was amazing. Sometimes I swear he could look into my eyes and see down into the deepest part of my soul"

"Oh I love it when that happens"

From all that Stella told Gemma, this guy Liam sounded pretty amazing.

When Jax walked into his house after a very long night he wasn't expecting to see Stella pacing slowly with Abel in her arm, his head on her chest, his little hand wrapped around the edge of her top. He watched her for a moment or too, gently rocking him from side to side.

"Well, someone's got the touch" he said quietly. Stella turned around surprised, that he was there. She slowly took in the damage to his face and god knew where else. Concern washed over her features and he just smiled

"Heartbeat sooths them, I can't take the credit" she told him softly "I'll go put him down"

When she come walking out again she had a first aid kit in her hands. She walked towards him, stop in front of him and held out her hand for his. He smiled and stood up from the sofa before she led him into the kitchen and sat on the bench. Jax chuckled and she looked up from the first aid kit, confused.

"What? You have a head wound and you're laughing?"

"It's just that you jump into Florence Nightingale mode, very quickly" he said chuckling and ran his hands up the side of her legs. She thought nothing of it but he thought it was everything.

"Well, I don't like seeing any of my guys hurt. If you don't want me to patch you up, I am sure one of you're harem would be happy to help"

"Come on, I don't have a harem. Plus you're here so you might as well, Florence"

Stella smiled a wicked smile before her eyes turned playful. Jax was almost scared to ask what she was thinking.

"Be nice" She told him "I have syringes in this bag and I'm not afraid to stab you with them"

Jax very rarely saw a lot of Tig in Stella's personality, that was until she said something like that and it was all to clear the influences in her life. They were quiet for a while, before she spoke again. She wanted to ask him something but she also didn't want to worry him. He could see the uncertainly in her eyes. He dropped and met her eyes

"What is it?"

"Stop moving!"

"What's on your mind?"

"Nothing"

"Bullshit" he fired back. Stella laughed and shook her head. It was always strange to her being around people that knew her well. On the road, she didn't have that problem.

"Can I ask you a favour?"

"Of course"

"Can I stay here tonight?" she asked quietly "It's one thing being able to be in my house. It's another sleeping in that bed"

"You can stay here for however long you like"

The truth was he was going to ask her to stay the night anyhow. When he was riding home it had began to rain. The last thing he wanted was for Stella to be out on the road at this time of night, in the rain. It wasn't safe. Stella smiled before thanking him. She was glad that her family didn't think she was a whack job.

"It would have been better if I stay here in Charming, after he died. I would have faced more demons that way, I think"

"Stel, just take it one demon at a time and we're all here for you"

"I know" she said taking a deep breath

Once Stella finished patching him up Stella decided to go to bed and get some sleep. Which was kind of prefect since Jax had a plan to help Stella with her demons but he couldn't do it alone, so he picked up the phone

"Hey, Ma.."


	4. Chapter 4

Just like any Friday night Stella was at a party. She knew that most women her age, by now were settling down with a husband and a family but Stella also knew that she didn't live a normal life. She had tried that, Stella had her chance at a life like that but fate stepped in and it was only now at thirty that she was realising that her life was meant to be different and it was only now that Stella was okay with it. Looking back at her time with Parker, even though he was a jack arse, he had given her the best advice anyone ever had. When he broke off their engagement he had told her that Stella couldn't fight who she was and Stella planned to stop and be who she was meant to be. She was sitting at the bar with Lyla when the guys filed out of Church. She felt Tig arm wrap around her shoulder.

"Whiskey?" she asked

"I think I need something stronger" He watched Stella's mind tick over before she smiled up at him, with a little wicked grin "What?"

"Ask and you shall receive" she said walking off into the back rooms

"Where's she going?" Opie asked him

"God only know, brother"

She came with a bottle in her hand "A little present I got, from mother Russia" She stopped in her tracks and changed her direction and walked into the kitchen, before walking back out

"Vodka?" Opie asked her as she sat back down at the bar.

"Don't get me wrong Russian Vodka is really good but this stuff" she said placing the bottle of Green liquid on the bar top "Will knock you on you're arse"

"How did you smuggle Absinthe, into the country?" Tig asked both impressed and concern, but more impressed.

"I know a guy"

"Of course you do"

They both watched her set it up. The glasses, the absinthe spoons, the sugar cubes, the fire. She knew the whole deal. She told them to sit back as she set the three glasses on fire.

"Woah" Opie said before the flames went out. Tig and Stella had knocked theirs back before Opie even considered it.

"Again?" she asked

"Again!" Tig answered. As she poured some more Tig saw a new tattoo on her once bare wrist, a black Fleur de lis. He gently held her wrist and took a good look. "That's new"

"Yeah when I was living in Dublin, we went over to Paris for a weekend and decided to get tattoos. Seemed appropriate, given where I was"

"We?" he asked, knowing full well the other half of _we_, was in fact male.

"We" she confirmed but didn't elaborate. He smiled and shook his head, he really shouldn't be surprised. Stella always left a trail of broken hearts in her wake. She walked over to the stereo and turned it up loud, before picking out an album and pressing play.

Well, I'll tell you a story of whiskey and mystics and men, and about the believers and how the whole thing began.

They watched her sing and dance around the clubhouse; they knew it wasn't completely the Absinthe. Something always happened when she listened to The Doors. It was like their music always freed her from life. Either way there was a smile on her face, so neither of them was too worried. Stella sat down between them and began to sing

"First there were women and children obeying the moon. Then daylight brought wisdom and fever and sickness too soon" she sang as she filled up their glasses with more Absinthe. Jax walked over and picked up the bottle before smelling in and pulling away quickly.

"Damn"

"You want some?"

"I think I am good, thanks"

"Piker"

Jax wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in close, she rested her head back on his shoulder " I am going to be carrying you home tonight aren't I?"

"Pretty much" she told him laughing.

"What else you got?" Tig asked her once they down their second glass. Stella thought for a second before her face lit up and she smiled that smile

"I have a little Peyote left from Mexico. If you want it"

"There is only one answer to that question, Princess"

She walked back and dropped a quarter of a huge bag of peyote on the bar top. They all looked at the size of the plastic bag and then look at how tiny Stella was.

"That's a little?" Jax asked frowning.

"Compared to how much was in the bag to begin with. Yeah"

"I couldn't be more proud" Tig said opening the bag as Stella went behind the bar and poured her self a whiskey, it was only then that Stella saw her walk through the clubhouse. Emily Duncan. Stella froze and flames basically flow from her eyes and to add insult to injury, Emily gave her a dirty look. Stella slammed down the bottle and walked out from behind bar and went straight for Emily. She didn't get far before someone gently took her by the arms and pulled her back.

"Princess" Opie said "You're high, you're drunk. Right now isn't the right time to start a fight"

"She can't look at me like that in my clubhouse"

Opie knew they shared a history, Emily and Stella and he was surprised that Stella hadn't kicked her arse before today. Suddenly Clay stood in front of Stella and looked back at Tig, who was quite happy to let it happened, he knew what the outcome would be.

"Stel, between you and her" Clay told her "He loved you. He was going to married you"

"Yeah but at least I could have had the child he wanted" Emily told her

Stella looked up at Clay, raised her eyes brows and smiled a wicked smile as Opie let go of her. Clay smiled and moved out of the way.

"Go for it" Clay told her quietly before moving out of the way. Stella calmly walked over to Emily with a smile on her face; she had always been a fan of someone getting a false sense of security before she kicked their arse. She even said Hello before she kicked Emily knees out from under her. Dropping Emily down a few inches height wise, a comfortable height for Stella to grab her by the throat and pinned Emily against the nearest wall.

"Lets get one thing straight, you meant nothing to him. The first time, you were nothing but a cheap whore, in the right place at the right time and the second time. Kozik was only trying to piss me off. I have no idea what pretty picture you have painted in your head but what whatever it is, it's wrong. It might even link up to the story you tell yourself about you not being a doorknob and that the men you sleep with, actually respects you"

"At least I didn't kill a man"

"At least I've been loved. I mean actually loved, not for thirty minutes or less" Stella told Emily with a smile on her face " I understand that the guys like having you around, clearly you are good at what you do but you ever disrespect me again. It will not be pretty. We understand each other?"

Emily nodded her head as much as she could before Stella loosened her grip and helped Emily to her feet before making her way back to the bar. Everyone just stared at her

"What?"

"I stand corrected" Tig told her " I can be more proud"

They all laughed and Stella shook her head. It had been a long time coming, things between Emily and Stella. She knew that Emily would be back but she also knew that, this life was all that Emily had and the cold hard truth was that it wasn't enough to make her happy. In that way Stella was always going to win.

It may have been all fun and games after Church but Jax and Opie were on a mission. There had been whispers around town that Darby was dealing close if not in Charming's boarder. It was the strangest thing for the past three years they hadn't heard a thing from Darby but now that Stella was back in town, he was all they were hearing about. There had also been a new nightspot open up in town, of course being the newest place to open in Charming within a decade, it had been pretty popular with the younger crowd. A younger, new hot spot and Darby's drugs, it almost fit together too perfectly. Opie and Jax decided to check it out and Lyla and Stella decided to tag along, for the hell of it. Lyla and Stella were dressed too impressed. The guys weren't complaining, they liked the view.

"There's the owner" Opie pointed out to Lyla, the guy that had the information that they needed. Lyla promptly slapped Stella on the arm. The girls stared at him and basically drooled at the impossibly good looking guy, in front of them.

"You need information from him?" Stella asked

"Yeah"

"Ever heard you catch more bees with sugar then with vinegar?" she asked

"I think that's honey, Stel" Jax told her with a chuckle

"Honey,. He's getting it" she told them and suddenly Jax didn't think it was so funny "Who wants a drink?"

"Me!" Lyla said enthusiastically putting up her hand, wanting to see what was going to happen next.

"Yeah, go on" Opie said smiling and shaking his head. Stella walked behind Jax and playfully patted his back as she walked off.

"She's crazy" Jax told Opie

"She's high"

They watched her swan over to bar with a swoosh of her hips as she went. Lyla chuckled, Opie shook his head and Jax tried not to turn green envy. They witnessed all of her tricks that night. Playing pool and bending over the table just right so he could get a good look of her butt. Lots of chatting, lots of touching as they talked. Hair twirling and great eye contact which she had learned from Liam. They left her to it a three o'clock in the morning with no doubt at were she was going to end up.

Stella walked up the driveway, with her sunglasses planted firmly on her face. Yet another hang over had planted itself in her head and she had the feeling that it wasn't going anywhere. Tig just watched her for a second and tired not to laugh

"Coming home in last nights clothes, nice!" he called

"God, not so loud, please?"

"You have a good time?"

She hugged him hello and stayed there for a few seconds longer then normal. So either she was feeling god awful, which was quite possible or she just needed a good hug.

"That information you needed, last night"

"Yeah"

"Darby has rebuilt his little lab in Pope. He's dealing on the edge of Charming. My guess is that it won't be long before it bleeds over into Charming, so you might want to nip it in the bud now"

"Got it" he said wrapping his arm around her and Stella rested her head on his shoulder "I'm actually glad you're here"

"Are you ever not glad, I'm here?"

Tig laughed and walked her across the lot. Normally she would be curious but today her brain was too tired for curious and it liked the silence.

"So I couldn't get you the Mustang but I still think you're going love your new car" He could see that she wasn't convinced, he knew that in Stella's mind that nothing was going to beat her old car Trixie but then again she didn't know what he had installed for her. When she finally saw it Stella's face lit up. There right in front of them was a 2007 Porsche 911 Turbo. She looked up at him shocked "I know it's not Trixie but this one is a younger version, which is always fun"

Stella walked over and ran her hand over one side of the car.

"This isn't for me?" Tig just nodded his head and smiled. He dropped the keys in her hand and watched the smile on her face grow. "You want to go for a spin?"

"Hell yes"

"Do you think Unser would give me a ticket, if I was speeding?" she asked smiling

"Pretty sure we could talk you out of it"

"Oh good"

They both hopped in and Stella turned the key and revved the engine a few times, testing it out. They screamed out of the driveway and down the road.

Jax came home that afternoon and found her asleep on his couch. He quietly closed the door behind him and softly walked into the kitchen to get a beer then he heard her stir. He watched as she seemed to be trapped in a dream again. Just like she had been, when he watched her sleep in his mothers' bed right after she had pulled the trigger. Suddenly Stella sat up and gasped before running her fingers through her hair with the look of frustration ran across her features.

"Another nightmare?" Stella didn't answer him, she that the answer to his question was pretty clear "Have you been having then since you left?"

"Not so much nightmares, anymore. It's more memories of him, things he said. The way things could have been but weren't. I'm dealing with it"

"I'm worried about you"

"I'm a big girl, Jax"

" Stella, come on. The drinking, the drugs that's not dealing with it"

"Jax, I don't dream when I drink. When I'm hung over on the other hand "

Suddenly it all made sense to him and maybe he always knew it. She was trying to run from her past, which was difficult for her to do when she was living in the place it all happened. There was no place to hide from the ghosts and memories, so she drank. She looked at him strangely when he held out his hand from hers.

"I have to show you something" he told her before they hopped in her new car and drove over to Stella's place.

Gemma's car was sitting in Stella's drive way when they arrived. She stood in the doorway and smiled out at them as they walked up the garden path.

"Nice wheels" she called to Stella who just smiled back. Like Gemma hadn't known about Stella's new car before Stella did. This was Gemma they were talking about, she was all knowing.

"Thanks. What are you two up too?"

"Oh nothing" Gemma told her sweetly. Gemma took her by the hand and led her to the bedroom. Stella got the shock of her life when she saw a brand new king size bed.

"What?" she asked the both of them.

"Seemed like a good idea" Gemma said brushing Stella's hair back. Stella looked back at Jax

"Is this your way of getting me out of your house?" she asked joking

"Nah, I told you could stay as long as you wanted. This is just one more demon you don't have to deal with"

Stella hugged him and whispered thank you. A new car and a new bed all in one day, Stella couldn't believe her luck.

They had only just left Stella for half an hour when she heard a knock on her door. She smiled and shook her head, knowing who it was going to be.

"Jackson" she called out " Seriously I am fine"

Stella opened the door and got the shock of her life when she saw who was standing on her front step and it certainly wasn't Jackson.

_DUM-DUMDUM-DUM…. Who could it be?_

_STAY TUNED_

_A/N Song used in this chapter is Whiskey, Mystics and Men by The Door_


	5. Chapter 5

Stella stared at him, standing on her front step. She stared at him in disbelief, if they knew he was in town they wouldn't hesitate to kill him.

"Kyle? What the hell?"

"Can I come in?"

"No!" She refused "Do you have a death wish? How did you even know I was here?"

"Saw you in town"

"So you followed me, Jesus Kyle" she stood in the doorway totally aware that if any of the guys drive past there would be endless drama and she didn't need anymore drama.

"Stel?" he pleaded before she rolled her eyes and getting out of the way, so he could walk inside and she locked the door behind. "Sorry to heard about your old man"

"How did you hear about that?"

Kyle shrugged his shoulders and he wasn't going to give up his source of information. He reached over and held her hand. Her first instinct was to pull her arm away but she couldn't ignore the comfit that she felt.

'I'm sorry, you had to do that. I want to talk about it?"

"Nope" she said quickly. Kyle chuckled at the quick response. His hand travelled up her arm and continued until his hand cupped the side of her face.

"Do you need to talk about it?" She couldn't actually say it but still nodded her head "Where's your kitchen?"

Gemma walked into the clubhouse looking for her husband. It wasn't fear written on her face, it was more confusion at the news she heard while in town today, the type of news that she couldn't keep to herself. Tig saw her face and knew something wasn't right.

"You okay?"

"I heard some gossip today. Kyle Hobart is in town"

"Oh, he is not that stupid" Tig said astonished but then realising Stella was also back in town and he knew that yes Kyle was the stupid to come back into Charming, for her.

"Do you want me to check it out? Ask around?"

Tig nodded his head and he was going to do the same, even though he was pretty sure where Kyle would be. He just didn't want to go over there and interrupt anything; Tig didn't want to know about. Even the thought of it made his skin crawl.

"What's worrying you? Or don't I even have to ask?"

"You don't have to ask"

"Stella and Kyle barely knew each other" Gemma said frowning. Tig gave her a look that told Gemma everything she needed to know. Kyle was good looking and a double crossing bastard; he was absolutely Stella's type of guy. Suddenly Gemma wanted all the dirty details. Not that she was going to share that thought with Tig. She promised to ask around town about Kyle and left it at that.

Later that night Stella and Kyle were sitting on the sofa on her lounge room talking about the person that Stella never talked about.

"I knew his heart. I knew his mind. I knew his soul. How could I not see it, right in front of me, Kyle?" she asked " When he found I was going to find Tig, he actually said to me _Do you know what Darby's guys would do to you._ How would he know that, if Kozik wasn't working with them?"

"Stella, hindsight is twenty/twenty and I know you. You've spent the past three years analysing everything he did and everything he said, trying to find a hole in his story. The truth is babe, you were the one person he tried his hardest to hide it from and that's exactly why you didn't see it, because he didn't want you too"

"But.."

"No butts, Stella. I guarantee you, the thing he was worried about the most wasn't the club finding out, it was you finding out what he did. Seeing you realise what he had done, seeing the disappointment in your eyes, the hurt that he caused you. That would be what he feared the most because he loved you"

"You didn't know Kyle. You couldn't possible know any of that"

"He was the guy that was watching us in the bar at Lodi, that night. Wasn't he?" Stella looked over at him in shock, how could he possibly know that. "What happened after that?"

"He blackmailed me into tell, Alex"

"Tig knows about Lodi?" Kyle asked Stella before her nodded her head "Well he is definitely going to kill me now"

Stella shook her head and stood up from the sofa and picked up the empty cups

"You shouldn't joke about that, you know? If they find out you're here, that's exactly what's going to happen"

He followed her into the kitchen.

"Why Stella, you sound worried about me"

She didn't say anything, just washed up the cups not saying a word. She dried them and put them away. She was unaware that he had been watching her the whole time. He slowly walked up behind her and brushed her hair off her shoulder, kissed her neck and held her tight.

"You have a death wish" she told him breathlessly.

"Ever thought that you're worth it Stella, because you are"

Stella turned around to face him before Kyle rested his forehead on hers, waiting for her to make the next move. He could see her thinking it all over in her mind. All she wanted was for her past to stop haunting her and Kyle could help her with that, just for one night. She promised Alex she was going to slow it down with all the men in her life but he was never going to find out, no one was going to find out about this. Kyle was going to leave wanted the pain to go away and that's why she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He lent down and kissed her roughly, Stella took a deep breath and couldn't wait for what happened next.

Tig redialled her number for the fifth time that morning, it wasn't even ringing, it only went through to a message system. Which meant it was turned off. Which meant Kyle was still there, doing god knows what.

"Still not answering?" Gemma asked

"No" he said sharply hanging up the phone.

"Listen, Stella working today. She has to leave the house sometime and you don't know that he is there for sure"

"Oh but I do. I can feel it how could she be so stupid, Gem?"

"She's not. She's in pain and Stella is doing whatever she can to narcotize herself from it"

"I want to kill him"

"Kyle?"

"Kozik"

"Get in line" Gemma said before she hugged him. There was very few times in both their lives that they felt useless or hopeless but this situation with Stella. Gemma and Tig felt exactly that way because there was nothing that they could do. Opie come walking in fast and confirmed the rumours

"Lyla just saw Kyle at his daughter's school" he told everybody "Looked like he was selling drugs"

"Oh please tell me it was to the parents" Clay asked

"Afraid not"

Stella came walking into the clubhouse shortly after; there was an eerie feeling that had crept across the clubhouse. Even though she knew the answer Stella had to ask

"What's going on?"

"Kyle Hobart back in town"

"Isn't he excommunicate?"

"Exactly" Clay answered walking out of the clubhouse. She could feel Tig's eyes on her the whole time. He didn't faultier but thankfully he waited until the clubhouse had all but emptied out before he gently grabbed Stella by her elbow and lead her into Church and closed the doors behind them.

"Where can we find him?"

"I don't…"

"Don't do that" he said pointing at her, he was pissed and she hated it "Don't you lie to me and especially not for a piece of shit like Kyle Hobart"

"You're going to kill him, if I tell you"

"Damn straight. You know why? After he left your place this morning, Lyla saw him at his daughter's school selling drug to kids"

"No! He wouldn't"

"Sweetheart, just because slept with him a couple of times doesn't mean you know him"

"I don't want anyone to die"

He reached over and hugged Stella tight

"Saving Kyle isn't going to bring Kozik back, Princess" he told her quickly. She held him a little tighter knowing it was true but hated the fact that he was right. Tig made her look at him "Where is he?"

Stella took a deep breath before answering "The hotel off 2nd Street. Room 215"

"We're not done talking about this" he told her as he was leaving

"I didn't think we were" she called out the door before he slammed it shut. She just hoped that one else knew about what she had done. There would be countless people disappointed in her. When she walked out of church she found Gemma sitting on one of the sofa's waiting for Stella. She shook her head and pulled a face.

"You know, don't you?"

"Yes" Gemma told her, as her face lit up. She reached out for Stella hand and pulled her down to the sofa "Tell me all the juicy details. Don't leave anything out and I mean _anything_"

Stella laughed and hid her face embarrassed. "Oh god"

"Now is not the time to get coy. Was it good? Was it really good?" Gemma asked "Best you've ever had?"

"Kyle is a close second"

"Details, Princess. Details"

Stella started too laughed before she curled up on the sofa next to Gemma and started telling her all the juicy details as requested.

She heard their bikes before she saw them, of course. It was strange ever since she was a little girl that sound of their bikes made her feel safe but today that was a completely different story, she felt dread. If they were back that meant that Kyle was gone and even though she didn't know him that well, she still felt the loss of Kyle being gone. Stella didn't look up when she heard someone walk into the office. She knew who it was and she knew what they were going to talk and she really didn't want to talk about it. He's eyes were on her and she couldn't ignore it any long. Stella looked over the rim of her glasses and straight at him

"So?"

"It's done"

"Of course it is" she said under her breath

"He knew what was going to happen if he came back, Stella"

"I know. I warned him too"

"Well, there you go. It's his fault for being so stupid and not listening"

"Doesn't make me feel any better, Alex"

She knew a lecture was coming, which was going to be interesting since he had never actually given her a lecture in her whole life. She wasn't stupid, Stella knew she was beginning to worry people and she didn't want to do that but Stella couldn't help it either. He sat across from her and she knew this was it.

"Two guys in two nights, Stel. It's a little reckless"

She looked up at him and smiled with amusement in her eyes before she chuckled and shook her head "How is that any different to do you and the guys do every Friday, every weekend"

"It just is, Stel"

"Why because I'm a girl?"

"No, because you're my Princess"

Stella laughed and shook her head again "That's unfair"

"Life's not fair, sweetheart. Get use to it"

Stella moved her glasses on to her head and playfully rolled her eyes at him "Are you going to give me a lecture on drinking too?"

"I don't have a problem that. Drink away I say"

"Thank god, I get to keep one of my vices"

They both laughed and knew there was nothing else that had too be said. They understood each other


	6. Chapter 6

She was sitting on the sofa in the club house reading when Jax walked in. He was going to pull her aside but no one else was there and he was so angry that he just needed to know.

"Have you scrambled your brain?"

"I know reading can be confusing for the first time but once you get use to it. Reading is quite enjoyable, Jax" she said still looking down at her book

"It's not funny, Stella"

She finally looked up at him and saw the look on his face. Stella closed the book and placed it beside her. "I'm sure it wouldn't be if I knew what you were talking about"

Jax handed a mobile phone to Stella and it looked familiar and so did photograph on the screen, it was of Stella wrapped up in Kyle's arms. It was pretty obvious that it had been the _morning after, _since they were sitting in her new bed

"You two look close"

"What do you want me to say?"

There was nothing she could say. She couldn't deny it and she didn't want too. It happened she slept with Kyle, she enjoyed herself and it was no one else's business, but her own.

"Your hair is Red, Stella! That was only a few days ago"

"Yeah it was"

Jax couldn't believe her; she was so casual about it all. Didn't she understand what this meant? Couldn't she understand why he was so pissed about it?

"He was excommunicated!" he yelled "He's the one who put Opie in jail and you're sleeping with him"

"Not any more, clearly" she yelled back.

Their voices travelled throughout the clubhouse but Gemma was the only one there, but she was hearing every word and she knew the real reason her son was so pissed but Stella had no idea

"What are you going to do if Opie finds out? Do you think he'll ever forgive you? You've betrayed him"

Stella shook her head and chuckled. He wondered why she found it funny; from where Jax was standing there was nothing to laugh about.

"Who I choose to sleep with, when I choose to do it and if I choose to do it again is my business, Jackson"

"I thought you were loyal to this club, one of the most loyal. Clearly I have backwards"

She looked at him shocked before pouting, nodding her head and chuckling to herself. Before standing up from the sofa looking straight at him before calmly saying

"Okay"

He spun around and watched her leave. The next thing he knew, someone was hurling a cushion into his back. He turned around surprised only to see his very pissed off mother glaring at him.

"Are you kidding me?" she asked him, the ice in her voice hard to ignore "How dare you question her loyalty?"

"She slept with.."

"I know what she did. That doesn't give you the right to question her loyalty to this club and especially_ her_ loyalty. I don't care if she sleeps around, she doing it because she in pain and she trying to numb it. Jackson she's in a world of hurt right now because of her loyalty to this club because she killed him to protect _you_. All we should want for her right now is for her to be happy. If that's happiness lasts one night with Kyle Hobart or if she wants to find that happiness with bunch of sailors, that's fine"

Jax sat down on the sofa and looked up at his mother not knowing what to say, knowing whatever he says was going to be wrong. Still pissed off that Kyle had even touched her, let alone touch her in that way. Got to know her in a way that Jax wasn't sure he ever would.

"Ma, you can't think this is healthy all the drinking and the men. This isn't Stella. She's different"

"But she is getting there. Even over the past few weeks you get glimpses of who she use to be, even if it was only for a minute or two. She is getting there Jax. You being pissed at her for something that is none of your business isn't helping. Plus we both know the real reason you're pissed. You have to tell her how you feel and let the chips fall, where they may or you move on and that choice is up to you"

Jax felt so frustrated he wanted to scream but that didn't mean he had to admit that his mother was right. Tig walked into the clubhouse frowning but amused at the same time

"What did you do?"

"He found out about Kyle" Gemma informed him "Things got a little heated"

"Did she yell back?"

"Nope, she got up and said _okay_ before walking away"

"Oh, Brother. You're in trouble" Tig told him laughing

"What? She wasn't even mad. She said okay"

"Yeah, which means she was too angry to fight. Be prepared to beg for forgiveness, not unless you want to be out in the cold for a very long time."

Jax realised how bad he had stuffed up. Surely Tig knew what she had done and who she had done it with. Why wasn't he jumping up and down, about it? Shouldn't he be just as livid at Stella as Jax had been?

"She slept with Kyle"

"Who slept with Kyle?" Opie asked walking into the room but given who was standing in the room, the answer was pretty clear. They all looked at each other and didn't say a word as Opie stood there in shock.

Stella heard someone knock on her door and couldn't ignore the feeling of dread in stomach. She really wasn't ready to see Jax yet. She was still pissed as hell. How dare he judge her for everything with Kyle. Jax was hardly one to get on his high house and preach about whom to sleep with, look at his track record. Stella took a deep breath and opened her door. There was Opie standing on her front step, giving her a look that told her, that he knew everything.

"He told you didn't he?"

"Yep"

"Can't a girl keep a secret, in this damn town?" she said letting Opie into the house.

"That was a pretty dark secret, to keep Stella"

Stella understood if Opie was pissed at her, for what she had done. She wasn't going to be ashamed of it but given the history between Opie and Kyle, Stella could understand.

"You can be pissed if you want Ope, but it happened and now Kyle is gone, so it's kind of a non issue at this point. So yell, scream, do whatever you came over here to do and get out of your system"

Opie just sat on her sofa and look up at her

"You use to have standards. Bad taste but standards" Opie said joking around. Stella laughed because she knew that it was true. " I know why you're living the way, you're living. The partying and all the guys and trust me I understand why you're doing it. When Donna died the pain was so bad, that I got reckless and I didn't care about anything else, couldn't navigate around it. So trust me when I say, I understand what your going through. You and Koz were like nothing I had ever seen but the way you're dealing with it, isn't working, it's dangerous and you got to stop Stella. Find another way to deal with what going on with her head. Talk to me, talk to Gemma, talk to Tig. Do something different, Please. Find another way, Stel"

"I know" she said nodding her head "You're really not angry?"

"I'm not proud but I'm not mad"

"Then what is Jax's problem?"

Opie smiled and wrapped his arm around her. He knew what Jax's problem was, it was jealousy and pride but Opie couldn't tell her that, without opening a can of worm.

"He's just worried about you. Cut him some slack"

Stella looked up at him and frowned not liking that answer

"He said I wasn't loyal to the club. _Me_!"

Opie gave her a look as if to say WTF? Before nodding his head

"You're right. Be pissed at him"

Stella chuckled; it was good to know that she wasn't over reacting and she the more then glad that he wasn't angry at her.

Later that night Jax walked through the front door with a pepperoni pizza in hand. He knew that it was the only way she would forgive him, since it was her favourite. She didn't look up from that damn book, laid out of the lounge in cut off shorts and a white tee. She heard him come into the house so either that book was really enthralling or she was still pissed at him. He went over to the couch and moved her legs before sitting next to her and she still didn't look up. Oh yeah, she was still pissed.

"Stel.."

Nothing, He might as well be invisible. He moved the book down and received an icy glare.

"I'm sorry"

"Good"

"I had no right to question your loyalty and you're right. Who you sleep with is your business"

"Yes it is"

"Stel, come on. I'm in Antarctica over here"

Suddenly she heard her chuckle from behind her book and Jax knew he was off the hook.

"Antarctica?"

"It was the first coldest place I could think of"

She marked the page and put the book down and looked over at the pizza.

"Pepperoni?"

"That depends. Do you love me again?" he asked

"If you get me two plates I do"

Jax laughed before walking into the kitchen, he walked out with two plates and two beers. Stella turned on the television and pressed play before the intro to _Die Hard_ started

"You own _Die Hard?"_

"Of course I do"

"What do you mean of course?"

Stella smiled as she picked up a piece of pizza and opened her beer. Stella just smiled and chuckled

"Jackson, there is one fundamental reason a gal own the _Die Hard _series"

"And that is?"

"Bruce"

Jax looked over at her shocked and disgusted

"Oh Stella, things I didn't need to know"

Stella laughed and ate her dinner. A pretty horrid day turning into a pretty good night. She loved it when that happened


	7. Chapter 7

Gemma and Stella working in the office actually turned out to be a good thing. The place was actually organized, they hardly wanted the guys to be in there because they would be back to square one. All the bills were paid and everything was up to date but it was no surprise that they made a good team. Suddenly they heard Stella's ring tone _I put a spell on you, and now your mine._ Stella looked down at her phone and frowned. She didn't know the number.

"Hello?" Gemma looked up when complete silence followed "How bad is it?"

"What's going on?" Gemma asked quietly.

"Do you need the trunk?" she asked the person over the phone "How bad is he? Take him to the hospital. Opie I don't care if he doesn't want to go. Make him. I'll tell Piney to get the trunk. Where are you? Okay. Stay there. Do not let him move, you understand me?"

There was fierceness in Stella's voice that Gemma knew from experience, which came out when someone they cared about was hurt

"What happened?" Gemma asked again.

"Alex fell off his bike. He was riding alone, they never ride alone. Ope found him. I gotta go find Piney so he can pick the bike up"

"Is Tig going to the hospital?"

"He better be" Stella said before leaving the office. Gemma decided to break the news to Clay. Gemma knew what was going on in Stella's head. Not knowing how bad Tig's injuries were. Stella was thinking the worst. She had lost all the color in her face and her heart was beating out of her chest. She was trying to be cool and calm on the outside but Stella was freakin' the hell out. When Piney arrived with the bike she was surprised and pissed to see who was sitting in the passenger seat.

"Why aren't you in the hospital?" she called out

"Don't need to be"

"Bullshit!"

"Princess.." he started

"Alex!"

They all watched as Tig and his Princess had a battle of wills. They stared each other down for a few seconds, waiting for the other to give in. It was a new experience for everybody since Stella and Tig were simpatico about most things in life. She could see that he wasn't going to change his mind, so she was going to have to change her tactics

"Alex, let me put it this way, if you are not sitting in my car in sixty seconds. I am going to take that bike, shove it into a compactor and then sell it for scrap metal"

"You wouldn't dare"

"Try me" It was the conviction in her last comment that made everyone sit up and take notice, including Tig. She wasn't buffing. He was pissed but she didn't care, she'd deal with that later "Get in the car"

"Fine" he agreed.

"Thank you"

Gemma walked over and kissed Stella. Told her that they would met her there in a little bit before Stella march over to her car and hopped in. They could only imagine what the conversation was going to be like on the way.

Stella was sitting on the hallway floor, resting her head on the wall, looking up at the ceiling when Gemma and Clay found her. When Stella saw them she shook her head and rolled her eyes. Clay held out his hand and helped her up.

"Any news?" he asked

"Sprained wrist. Two broken ribs and a bump on the head. He got off easy, could have been a whole lot worse"

"He'll bounce back"

"Yeah, he will" she said nodding her head "Hey, what was he doing out there alone? He was under that bike for half an hour, on the side of the road"

"He didn't go out, alone"

"What?"

Stella marched up that hospital hallway, like a pissed off hurricane. Opie saw her coming and knew that she had found out the truth of the day.

"I don't want to be you right now, Jax"

Jax turned around and barely uttered her name when she slapped him with all her might.

"Where were you?"

"Stel.."

"How dare you! Be reckless with your own life. You do not get to be reckless with his. He is all I have left"

She stormed back down the hallway. Opie started to laugh.

"Well it could have been worse. She could have dropped kick ya"

"True"

She walked outside and lit a cigarette as soon as she was standing out of the non smoking zone. She might have been ticked off but she wasn't going to break the law and waste money on a fine. She sat on one of the concrete benches and stared out at the parking lot and on to the road. The cars were constant. She wondered where all the people in the cars were going and where they had been.

"He is not all you have" someone said behind her. She looked over and smiled at Opie before nodding her head.

"I know that"

"Stel, I know it's been you and Tig against the world for your whole life but it's just not true. You have a really big family who loves you"

"Baby, I know" she told him with a chuckle "It's just I still see him as invincible. When I was a kid I thought nothing could touch him, nothing could hurt him. It's days like today that it all comes crash down, to me that Alex isn't invincible he is in fact very human and one day. I am going to lose him and it scares the crap out of me"

"Did you really threaten to crush his bike into a cube?"

"Damn straight"

"How are you still breathing right now?"

Stella cracked up laughing. Opie was right. If anyone else had threatened to do that, it would have been a whole another story. Stella took another drag of her cigarette and enjoyed the breeze that was rushing around the hospital building. She pulled her jacket tightly around herself as Bobby walked up to them.

"Is he awake yet?"

"In a matter speaking" Bobby told her with a chuckle.

"He's out of his mind of meds, isn't he?"

"It's the funniest thing I have ever seen"

"Oh this I have to see" Opie said standing up "You coming?"

"Nah. Something I have to do"

Opie smiled and nodded his head, knowing exactly what that_ something_ an hour later Jackson's face still felt like it was on fire. Stella sure knew how to hit, not that he should have been surprised. He wasn't angry, Jax actually thought he got off lightly, he was expecting a whole lot worse. Everyone knew that Tig and Stella were Ying and Yang, if he hurt, she hurt and in more then one way. Yes they had spilt up on the road and yes it back fired on them and now he was paying the price. Suddenly he saw an ice pack in front of his eyes.

"Does it hurt?"

Jax looked up and smiled at her "Like hell"

Stella gently sat on his lap and gently placed the ice pack on the side of his face. He thought it hurt more then it should and he tried not to let it show but failed.

"Sorry" she said quietly "I get tunnel vision when he's hurt. I got scared and I took in out on you. I'm sorry Jackson"

"It's okay. I actually half expected to be in a body bag at this point"

Stella laughed loudly and shook her head

"So you got off lightly then, huh?"

"I guess I did" he said smiling at her "Where did you get the ice pack?"

"Male nurse"

"Of course"

"You are not the only one with a panty dropping smile"

"Now that, I was aware of"

Gemma walked down the hallway and stopped once she saw them together, almost intimate she really didn't want to interrupt them up but Tig wanted to see his Princess and Gemma had no doubt that Stella wanted to see her scarecrow.

"Baby, he's asking for you"

Stella turned around and looked at Gemma surprised before standing up and walking towards Tig's room. Gemma looked back at her son and turned her head to the side before smiling. She walked over to him and sat down. Gemma patted his leg before Jax rested his head on her shoulder. Neither of them needed to say anything because Gemma being there was enough, because sometimes even the toughest guys needed their mother some days.

Stella lent against the doorframe of his hospital room and smiled because he hadn't noticed her yet, hospital drugs were pretty good from what she remembered. When he finally saw her the first question out of his mouth was

"Is my bike okay?"

"You're in here aren't you? I kept my end of the deal"  
>"Good. You know if anyone else ….."<p>

"Bikes are replaceable. You are not" she said forcefully " What happens to me, if you're gone. I would well and truly be alone. No one to stop my marrying a _Kyle Hobart_ type"

"Don't even think...No. Wouldn't happen"

"You better stick around then huh?"

He waved her over to the bed, she wasted no time getting there either. Stella climbed up on the bed with him and allowed herself thirty seconds to fall apart. She didn't need to be so strong in front of him, like she did with everyone else he saw right through that anyhow.

"Princess, I'm not going anywhere" he told " You and me against the world right?"

"Yeah"

It had always been that way, ever since she was little. Sure their relationship had changed dramatically over the years but there was that fundamental core of Stella and Tig against the world. As long as it stayed that way Stella and Tig were going to be alright.

The next time he woke up he saw a pair of size six high heeled boots resting on the edge of his bed. He followed the boots up her legs and wasn't surprised to see Stella had dragged one of the chairs in his room closer and now was fast asleep, dead to the world. That was the about the same time that Jax walked in the door. He smiled at sleeping beauty in her slumber.

"Where did the shiner come from?" Tig asked him quietly. Jax looked down at Stella and then back up at Tig, before they both laughed. She might have been tiny but she was theirs. "Take her home, Jax"

"Touch me Jackson and the right side of your face will match the left" she said before opening her eyes and smiling "I'm not going anywhere"

"Yes you are and don't fight me on this. I'll be out tomorrow morning anyhow" Tig told her

"If the doctors say you can" she fired back

"What did I say about not fighting me?"

Stella sighed loudly and hopped up out of the chair. He pulled her towards the bed before they kissed goodbye, one of those kisses that made Jax raise his eyebrows and get a little jealous. She lent against Jax as they walked down the hallway, out of the hospital and to his bike.

"Don't fall asleep and fall off the bike" he said placing the helmet on her head.

"What you think this is my first time on the back of a bike?"

"Just making sure" he said turning the engine on. She held on tight as they made their way through Charming and back to Jax's place.


	8. Chapter 8

Stella was standing on a step ladder sticking a birthday banner above a door way. She remembered the last birthday party she had threw for Ellie. The guys still made fun of her for wearing that tutu and wings, wait until they saw what she was wearing this time around. Lyla and Stella covered the place in balloons and steamers, glitter and pink. They lived in a predominately male world so when they got the chance to get overly girlish they took it and ran with it. Ellie friends remembered Aunty Stella from the last time and Stella had been told that they were excited which made Stella excited. They heard keys in the front door before Opie and Ellie walked inside.

"Hey birthday gal" Stella yelled out "You have fun with your dad?"

"Yeah"

Opie was silent as he looked around his house "I'm sorry did a unicorn throw up in here?"

"Of course not"

"What time is this shindig? So I can take Kenny and hide"

Gemma walked out of the kitchen chuckle "They will be in half an hour"

"Half an hour? Crap" Stella said grabbing the duffle bag off the sofa and went into one of the bedrooms. A few minutes later Stella stunk her head at the door and yelled out to Lyla "Fishnets or no Fishnets"

"Kid's party so, no"

"Fine"

Stella walked of the bedroom tying a red ribbon in her hair and dressed snow white, well if snow white was in someone's' very dirty dream. Of course Opie had his phone all ready and waiting to take a picture because the guys would want to see this sooner rather than later.

"Nice!" Opie told her

"Thank you" she told her before looking over at Ellie " I have something for you"

Stella opened her duffel bag again and pulled out a feather boa and wrapped it around Ellie neck gentle, before getting down on the floor so she was the same height and placing a purple plastic tiara on Ellie's head

"For a SAMCRO princess from another, on her birthday"

"Really?"

"Yeah" Stella agreed " I'm not the only one, you know"

Ellie hugged Stella tightly before running off to look at herself in the mirror and how cool aunty Stella had made her look.

"You just made that little girl very happy" Jax told her.

"Well it's her day" she said trying to get off the floor but not succeeding

"Need a hand?"

"No!" she said quickly before giving in "Yeah, it use to be easier trying to get off the floor"

Jax chuckled before pulling her up. He looked around the room and saw that they had pushed the furniture back and there was a disco ball and spinning lights and even a smoke machine. She had turned the place into a dance party, for kids.

"Well darlin' you are in your thirties now"

"Shut up. I'm twenty nine, plus tax"

"Whatever you have to tell yourself"

"No matter how old I am Teller. You always will be older then me"

"Well you've got me there"

"Going with the boys? Make an escape while you can. This place is going to be over ran with girls any second"

"Good point"

She smiled as she watched them leave. Stella and Jax had been at odds with each other lately but she was glad they could always have fun together.

When the boys walked back into the house the girls were on the home made dance floor dancing and singing their hearts out.

_It's a sunny day, so I got nowhere to hide, not a cloud in the sky, so I'm pretending, I've got something in my eyes, just so you won't see me cry So I wait for the storm, Oooh  
>to hide all my tears. But it's taking too long but I won't run for the door, Oooh<br>'coz if you think I'm weak then that makes you strong_

Lyla and Stella were up on the dance floor with the girls singing all the words and getting there groove on

_So rain on me. What's the price of thunder? Rain on me. It's like I'm waiting in a hundred degrees, So rain on me. I'll be standing under, so rain on me. Disguise my tears so that you'll never see. Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain on me, let it rain, let it rain on me  
>Let it rain, my tears are the rainfall and flow right to the sea. Let it rain<em>

Stella spun Ellie around in circles and back again as Ellie laughed before going back to her friend. There was a look on Stella face, there was a smile but once again her eyes betrayed her. She made her way through the sea of girls and walked into the kitchen, for some air and space. Jax found her wrist deep in soaping water and dishes. She didn't hear him come in but she did feel him wrap his arms around her hips and kiss her on the cheek.

"You would have made a great mother"

"Do you read thoughts now?"

"Yes, it's one of my many skills" he told her before she turned around to face him " I saw the face"

"What face?"

"_This-could-have-been-my-life_ face. She would have been Kenny's age right?"

"Yeah and you don't know it would have been a girl"

"She would have been a girl and she had have had blonde curls"

"Come on"

"That's what you are naturally"

"I don't even remember what I am naturally"

"Certainly not a redhead"

"You don't like the red?"

"I like it black. You always look good a dark angel"

Suddenly Stella went back to New Orleans, hearing a knock on her door, only to find no one there, that was until she heard his voice behind her _Dark angel again, huh?_. Seeing Kozik standing there smiling at her. She was happier then she let on at the time. She acted like she was angry but she wasn't, she felt safe, that was until Parker walked out and caught them together. That completely burst that bubble. Jax saw her drift off to somewhere else and he didn't know where this time. He just pulled her in and hugged her tight. They stayed like that for a while when Gemma walked in with the birthday cake.

"Hey Kids"

"Hey" Stella said letting go of Jax and getting the candles ready. She didn't say word before Jax lit the candles with is lighter and Stella plastered a smile on her face and walking into the dinning room, before screaming

"ICECREAM CAKE!"

Gemma looked over at her son who was lost in his own thoughts. What Gemma would have given to know what they had been talking about

Back at her own place she sat on her front step and leisurely puffed on a cigarette and thought about the party and thought of the Ellie last birthday, Stella was in town for, Kozik walked back into her life. She guessed it was normal that she felt a little shaky. She reached into the back pocket of her jeans and pulled out a photograph, a photograph she had committed to memory. A very young Stella wrapped up in Kozik's arms smiling up at him. She heard his voice in her head _It was the one time in my life that I had everything. I had this totally mesmerizing woman, who thought I could do no wrong and in spite of everything that happened will always be the mother of my child_. Suddenly she heard a bike roar into her street and she smiled, knowing her family was never far away. Her scarecrow pulled up and hoped of his newly repaired ride and he pretended not to notice Stella scrambling to put something in her back pocket, before he saw her.

"Should you really be on that thing, yet? It was only three weeks ago you came off"

"I'm alright, it's alright. What's the big deal?" he said down next to her. "What I missed Snow White, did I?"

"How did you know ?"Tig held up his phone and showed her the photo Opie had sent him, earlier that day " He sent it too all of you, didn't he?"

"Pretty much"

"Opie is a dead man"

"You look cute" He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and kissed her on the forehead, which distracted her as he quickly pulled the photograph out of the pocket of her jeans.

"Alex" she protested trying to take the photograph out of his hands. She failed before he opened it. He closed his eyes as his shoulders, dropped.

"Please do not tell me you have carried this around with you for three years" she didn't need to say anything because he knew it was true. "Baby, You have to stop. You have to let go"

"Like you have with my mother?" She had him there " It's not so easy, is it?"

"Okay I get your point" he told her with a chuckle " Princess, you can't live in the past. Photographs, and engagement rings. He's wedding ring around your neck"

"Babe, I'm not living in the past. I know it may seem like I am. I have my good days and I have my bad days. This.." she said tapping the photograph " Comes out on the bad days. That's it. I promise you that. He loved me and I know he sometimes had a funny way of showing it but he was the only man on this planet that thought I was mesmerizing"

"Nah, he's just the one who told you, you were mesmerizing. For the rest of us, it is just common knowledge" She cracked up laughing and smiled that smile. She could tell there was something else bugging him. "What else is on your mind?"

"Money flow issue, for the club. We'll get through. We always seem too"

"Just don't sell your liver, with all the damage you've done to it. You'd be flat out trying to find someone to buy it" she joked. He frowned playfully at her

"This coming from Calamity Jane, over here" he said handing her the photograph, which she promptly placed back in her pocket.

"What are you going to do about the money?" she asked as they stood up. Tig smiled back at her, she always tried to fix everybody else problems.

"Nothing for you to worry about"

Once they said goodbye Stella made her way through her house and into her garage where her fathers' 1969 Harley-Davidson FLH 1200, black of course. Pristine condition and she knew it was time to make room for her Porsche.

A/N: Song in this Charpter is Rain On Me by Cheryl Cole (Love Her)

Thanks for reading


	9. Chapter 9

The guys were in the auto shop, which had closed up shop for the day. Roller doors locked up tight, Hence the reason Stella had to use the side door to walk in. She was dressed to kill, not that she had planed it that way. Long black skirt and leather jacket, knee high boots. She was only going to take care of the kids, but dying to wear the new outfit she had brought herself.

"Hey"

"Hey Princess, what are you doing here?" Clay asked her

"I have a present" she said handing him an envelope.

"What's this?"

"Nine thousand, six hundred. It's probably only a fraction of what you need but it's a fraction more then you had"

All the guys stared at her in shock

"Sweetheart, where did you get nine grand?" Clay asked her.

"My baby gets to sleep indoor these days" she said with a smile. She had the feeling she was going to get in trouble for selling the bike, but it was worthwhile.

"You didn't, did you?" Tig asked her " Please tell me you didn't, Stella"

"It was just sitting there doing nothing"

"Princess, that was your dad's bike" Clay told her "You didn't have to do that, not for us. Not for this"

"Clay, I wanted too. Take it, use it. If you don't I'm just going to buy shoes with it"

Clay wrapped her up in a hug and told her she was a big girl. Who spent nine thousand dollars on shoes, only a girl that's who. She knew her scarecrow was angry at her, she could feel it. That bike was the only thing she had left of her father and she just up and sold it, without saying anything.

"I gotta go take care of the kids" she told them before running off like a coward, she almost made it to her car before he caught up with her "Damn it"

"You trying to avoid a conversation?"

"Pretty much"

Stella looked up at him and smiled, hoping that was going to get her out of it. She had no such luck. She went to open the car door but he stop her. Stella rolled her eyes "You needed the money. I found the money, it doesn't matter where I got it from"

"Honey that was the only thing of your dad's you had left"

"Weren't you the one a few days ago telling me to stop living in the past?"

"That's different"

"No it's really not. Listen you've taken care of me, my whole life, Alex. Consider this being me taking care of you, the only way I really care. Let's face it I'm kinda tiny"

"I don't like it" he told her, shaking his head.

"I know. Listen I gotta go"

They said goodbye and he watched her drive of and down the road. He shook his head and knew she was going to regret her decision one day.

Stella pulled into Opie's driveway Stella walked out into the living room and thought it was odd that there was no noise, they were kids, and they always made noise. Something was wrong, she could feel it. Something was off. The kids were sitting on the lounge, Ellie's arm was wrapped protectively around her little brothers shoulders.

"Hey Guys" Once they saw her, they both jumped off the sofa and ran to her, clinging to her for dear life "What's going on?"

Suddenly Darby walked around the corner and Stella just shook her head

"Long time, no see"

"Ernest, what the heck are you doing here?"

"Looking for you actually"

"Well you found me. What do you want?" she asked eyeing the gun in his right hand.

"We have a couple of things we need to discuss"

"Fair enough. We can stay here and do that and these kids can go"

He chuckled at her and shook his head. She knew it wasn't going to be that easy but she had to try. "Not going to happen"

"Come on, you know you have more leverage with me. Take me where ever, do whatever but these kids are going to leave. That's the deal on the table Darby and it's the only deal I am going to offer you. Take it or leave it"

She could see the want in his eyes, Stella had always known he had wanted her and the last time they had seen each other and he had her pinned against the trunk, had only cemented that fact in her memory. Stella just hoped she could use it to her advantage.

"Do _whatever _I want?"

"I'll going along with whatever you want me too" she told him taking a deep breath

"Deal"

Stella looked down at the kids before getting down on the ground and plastering a smile on her face.

"Okay guys where Abel is?"

"In the bedroom" Ellie told her. Stella took both of their hands and led them through the house and away from Darby. Stella walked into Kenny's bedroom and picked Abel up out of the bed, before gently handing him to Ellie.

"Honey, I need you to take the boys and get out of here as fast as you can, you understand me?"

"I am not leaving you! You need me" Ellie told her with all certainly. Stella realized that Ellie was getting to that age when she knew what was actually going on. You couldn't hide club business or situations like this from her anymore, she was too smart for it, now.

"Sweetie, I need you to take the boys and go find someone as fast as you can. I will handle this but I need to know you guys are away from here before I do, understand?"

Ellie reluctantly nodded her head before holding Abel tighter. Stella walking them into the living room and to the front door, shielding Darby for them at all times. Stella waited until she they were out of sight. She felt Darby walk up behind her; she spun around and with all of her might slapped Darby. He didn't say or do anything for a while, just played with his chin before saying

"Okay, I deserve that. You should have seen how torn up he was about betraying you. He was terrified that you were going to find out, he knew it was his last chance with you and wasn't he right?"

"If I did that to him, what do you think I am doing to do to you?"

Darby grabbed a handful of her hair and threw her down on the ground and threw in the boot into her twice. Cleary their time together wasn't going to be caring or sharing.

"You already did something to me, darlin' '" he said kicking her once more "Did you forget about that bartender you charmed into telling you about my lab"

"Oh,yeah" she said with a chuckle "He was a good rattle"

Darby picked her up by her hair again and slammed her up against the wall and pinning her against it. Making a picture frame fall off the wall.

"Of course your boys put an end to that business vantage" he said slamming into the wall again, this time she hit her head and groaned

"I wouldn't expect anything less. They're not fans of trade, Ernie. Especially so close to Charming" He slammed harder before she chuckled " Is this your tender side?"

"Learnt a lot from your scarecrow, haven't you?"

Stella laughed out loud, knowing her smart alec ways from her scarecrow, everyone knew that. So much could be said for learnt behavior "Oh Darby you have no idea"

"No, but i'm about to find out"

He slammed her one last time, her head cracked against the wall and she slumped down in his arms, out cold.

When Gemma saw the kids walking down the road, she thought she was seeing things. It couldn't possibly be them, not alone. She pulled over and jumped out of the car. She quickly took her grandson out of Ellie's arms. The little girl thought her arms were about to fall off, for a little kid he was heavy.

"What's wrong?"

"It's Stella, she back at the house with that guy! We have to go get her!" Ellie told her

"Which guy, Baby?"

"The bald guy with the cross tattoo"

Gemma closed her eyes and felt like she was going to faint but there was no time for that so she buddle the kids up in the car and drove straight to the clubhouse

Jax paced up and down the clubhouse. He couldn't stand the thought of the thing a guy like Darby could be doing to her at that moment and what was he, helpless, that's what. Tig was not much different expect for the fact that he wasn't pacing.

"Darby has always had a thing for her, man" Tig told them "He had a thing for Savannah too. When I get my hand on him I swear to god"

"Darby won't be able to help himself" Clay told them "He is going to have to gloat some how and when he does, we'll get him"

"Until then?" Tig asked

"Nothing. Juice and the prospect are out checking every place Darby could be. As much as we all hate it, there is nothing he can do yet. Stella is a fighter, we all know. She'll be giving him hell right now"

"I can't just sit here" Jax said walking towards the door. Before Tig phone rang. They all froze before Tig picked the call up and pushed speaker

"Hi" she said. Her voiced was strained Tig could almost the pain in her voice.

"Princess" Clay piped up " How are you going?"

"Sittin' here resting my bones. It's been a great day so far"

"Are you okay?"

"Been better but I'm breathing so I'm okay. You know ever since I left my home in Georgia, things just haven't been so great"

Tig frowned, Stella hated Georgia, it reminded her too much of her mother since Savannah was actually from Georgia. Stella only ever passed through on her way to somewhere else. She was trying to tell him something, in her own way.

"Babe?" Jax asked her "Is Darby with you right now?"

"Of course"

Tig racked his brain trying to figure out what she was saying. He thought through everything they had ever been through. She was giving him a clue and he just couldn't grab it, he couldn't understand what she was saying. He knew if her mother was there at that moment, she knew. He thought of Savannah, how beautiful she was, how she had a voice of an angel. She always sang her favourite song around the place. Suddenly the penny dropped, he knew where she was, at least he thought he did.

"Sweetheart. Are you headed for the 'Frisco bay?"

"Definitely"

"Are you there or are you close to there?"

Clay and Jax looked at Tig confused wondering what he was talking about.

"Kinda" she said softly

"I'm leaving now. Hold on Baby"

"Okay. Ummm Alex, just in case..."

"I know, I love you too. I'll be there soon. I promise"

Suddenly the line went dead. Clay and Jax looked at him for answers. Tig walked towards the door and told him

"I know where she is"

They quickly followed him over to the auto shop and watched him grab Gemma's keys.

"How could you know that?' Jax asked heatedly " We don't have time to mess around if you're wrong"

"Jackson I know my girl and I knew her mother" Tig turned to Clay " What were the two songs that Savannah use to sing, constantly. It's Otis Redding, Man"

Clay thought back to the things that she had said that had made no sense to him at all and it made all the sense in the world.

"She's at the docks" Clay said breathing a sigh of relief

"Yeah"

"You go, I'll follow on the bike. Meet you there. Go easy" Clay turned to Jax. " Call your mother, tell her what's going on. Stay here just in case Stella calls again"

"What! NO! I'm going with you, Clay" Clay exhaled loud ly knowing he didn't have the time to argue with his son but also knowing Jax was going to put up a fight " I'm not staying here, when she needs me out there"

"Do you have any idea what state she is going to be in when we find her? We know what Darby is like and we know how proud Stel can be. Do you think she is going to want you or any of us to see her like that. Son, I am not trying to side line you. I'm trying to respect her. So do me this one favour"

Jax could see where he was coming from. Stella didn't even like them to see her cry. As much as he hated it jax knew Clay are right and he stayed behind.

As soon as Stella hung up Darby snatched the phone out of her hand. She was trapped in a crap worn out shed that smelt like fuel, dirty water and crap. Her sides were aching and the blood was rushing to her face.

"Very clever. You two really do have your own language don't you?"

"What do you think?"

He stuck so fast that she didn't even see it coming and so hard that it knocked her out of her seat and on to the floor. He picked her up and threw her into the work bench, knocking her handbag on to the ground. Her waist hit the edge before she stopped herself with her hands and stared up at him.

"You slap like a bitch"

He reached his arm back to slap her again but she moved at the right moment and hit the floor and reached into her bag. Something was missing, her gun was missing.

"Looking for this?" he said waving the gun playfully in his hand. Stella kept her back to him, she slumped her shoulders, defeated. Stella wasn't an idiot she knew Darby took her gun out of her bag. Everyone knew that the SAMCRO woman always carried. Of course he had taken it out, he wasn't a complete idiot, and she gave him some credit. Darby walked up behind her confidently, she waited for a second or two, until he was close enough, before she reached into her jacket slowly and took the knife that Alex had brought her three years ago, out of its brown and turquoise leather case. She jammed it into Darby's thigh until she hit something solid with the tip of the blade. Darby screamed out in pain and toppled over but not before giving her one more hit and it was a good one. They stared each other down for a second, trying to read what the other was going to do. Darby saw the look in her eyes, the fighter within had came out and Darby was in too much pain.

"We're not done" he said before making his exit. The knowledge that Tig was on his way really help with that decision. Stella breathed a sigh of relief once he was gone.

Clay and Tig marched done the dock looking for any sign of her but there was nothing unusual. They reached a crossroad of the dock and Tig didn't know which way to go. Should he feel it? Should it be natural for him to know where she was? He always knew when she walked into a room. Why was this different

"Which way?" Clay asked

"I have no idea, man"

They both looked around, it wasn't like they were hoping for a neon arrow that pointed them in the right direction but a sign might have been nice right now. Suddenly Clay saw a glint of something, a shimmer. The sun had just hit it right. He walked down the dock a little and picked up a ring.

"Stella?"

Tig took the ring from Clay's finger tips and closed his eye and took a deep breath

"Her engagement ring"

She was showing them the way; they took off in right direction looking for anything else she might have left them. In what seemed like an lifetime Tig saw a piece a thin black leather, when he picked it he saw it was Kozik wedding ring. There was no way that Stella would have let these things go if she was terrified that no one would find her.

"She's close" he said " What's close by?"

They both looked around and only saw a lone, washed out and beaten up boat shed. They both ran as fast as they could and ripped open the doors. Stella was sitting on top of the work bench waiting for them.

"Oh, my heroes" she said with a chuckle "Always wanted to say that"

"Where is he?" Clay asked her as Tig checked the damage on her face. She was pretty battered with a giant egg on her cheek.

"Scampered away. You guys are going to have to buy me a new knife, mine is handle deep in his thigh"

Both the guys chuckled and helped her off the bench and she whimpered when they wrapped their arms around her waist.

"Let get you to the hospital" Tig told her. She opened her mouth to protest but he got in first "If you don't go I'm tossing your new car into a compactor and selling it for scrap"

She smiled because she was throwing Stella own words back at her " Go ahead, I haven't had time to bound with her yet"

"Princess, you could have internal bleeding, cracked ribs or a number of other things. Plus if I don't take you, Gemma will have my balls"

Stella laughed but stopped quickly because of the pain that ripped through her body. Clay quickly picked her up off the ground before they walked to the car. She rested her head of his shoulder and never let go of Tig's hand.


	10. Chapter 10

Gemma flew through the door of the hospital with her son right behind her. Her stomach was all up in knots even though Gemma had her typical stone cold steely face on, void of any emotion. Jax and Gemma rolled down those hallways until they found the people they were looking for. Gemma stopped at her husband side

"Where is she? How is she?" Gemma asked

"She is getting x-rays done. She bruised and swollen but all things considered, she's okay"

"Did he?" Gemma asked terrified of the answer. If he raped Stella, Gemma was going to go out and rip him apart with her bare hand. Gemma never wanted Stella to go through what Gemma went through.

"No, I think he was perfectly content with kicking the crap out of her for the whole meth lab, thing"

"The bartender?" Jax asked frowning

"Yeah"

Jax shook his head and paced down the hallway. Jax always hated getting Stella mixed up with club business and this was why. She had placed herself in the way of those kids, to protect them. She had taken a beating for them and Jax hated it, even though he was grateful. The thought of Stella going through that, made him sick. He needed to get out of there, he needed air. He turned his back and walked back outside, quickly lit a cigarette and lent against his bike. He could have lost her and Jax hadn't told her how he felt about her. If she didn't know about the way he felt and he would always wondered about her. He couldn't live like that. Jax needed to tell her how he felt and as his mother had told him, let the chips fall where they may. He finished his cigarette and walked back inside

Jax walked straight into her room without even knocking, as he did he saw her back was to him, she was pulling a white tank top over her head. He saw the bruises on her back, there was actually a boot print on her skin. He had walked in there to tell her everything but now he was so angry that Darby had done this to her and so furious that she had put herself in that position. Fire was burning through his veins.

"Jesus Christ!"

Stella turned around surprised that someone was actually there.

"It looks worse than it is. Nothing is broken"

"What were you thinking, Stella?"

"Me?" she asked shocked "You're pissed at me?"

"Yeah! I am so sick of you being reckless. Did you really tell Darby he could do anything he wanted?"

Stella walked over to the bed and sat down and winced in pain and that pissed him off even more. She looked up at him and asked

"Did Ellie tell you that?"

"Yeah she did. You've terrified her and don't change the subject. What was going through your head?"

"Oh well I don't know" she told imitating an airhead, twirling her hair around her finger and turning her head to the side "Thought it would be a good time"

"Stella!"

"It was the only way I could get the kids out of there. I'm sorry if that was my main priority, Jackson" she said getting off the bed again and walking across the room. She lent against the wall and took a deep breath.

"What if he killed you?"

"I'd be dead"

Jax walked across the room and rested his hand against the wall, boxing her into the corner, with no where to go. They never stopped staring at each other.

"Is this the pool incident, all over again?"

"Oh screw you I did that one time"

"Trust me I remember. Do you miss him that much? you'd die to be with him?"

"Fuck you. Don't you talk about him, don't you dare!"

"He's gone Sweetheart. Excuse me if I want to keep you here, in one piece none the less"

"I did what I did to keep those kids safe, to keep your son safe. I'm sorry if you don't approve of my approach, Jackson"

Suddenly the tip of his nose touched hers and something seemed to churn inside her, she couldn't explain what it was. It had been a long time since she had felt anything like it. Stella looked up at Jax and he saw confusing in her eyes but there was also something he couldn't read. Her hospital door opened and they heard high heeled boots enter the room.

"What's going on?" Gemma asked eyeing them curiously

"Ask her" Jax said backing away from Stella and walking out of the room, slamming the door as he left.

"He is just worried about you, that's all" Gemma told Stella before ushering her over to the bed

"Funny way of showing it. I know it wasn't best decision but if anything happened to those kids, I just… "

"Baby, you don't have to explain to me. I would have done the same thing" Gemma told her "You getting tired from all the meds their giving you?"

Stella chuckled before nodding her head and hopping into the bed. Gemma pulled the covers up around her neck. It took half a second for Stella to drop off to sleep. Gemma pulled up a chair next to Stella's bed and had no plans of leaving.

Tig walked through the door to see the queen and princess in a deep slumber. He wondered if they knew it was only five o'clock in the afternoon. Gemma's eyes flicker open and she sat up quickly.

"She okay?" he asked quietly

"Restless"

"That's nothing unusual for Stella these days"

" Any word on Darby?"

"He's skip town. Turns out he is smarter then we give him credit for"

"That's because he know if he is inside the boarders of Charming, he is a dead man"

Tig sat in the chair opposite Gemma and sighed before watching Stella sleep. The realization that he almost lost her, in more then one way hit him like a trunk.

"Their going to let her out later tonight"

"Tonight?" Gemma asked surprised and louder then she meant too.

"Yeah there is nothing more they can do for her but we have to bring her back if the pain gets worse. Gemma, I am meant to protect her, over the past four years I haven't been doing my job"

"There are some thing we can't protect them from. You couldn't have protected her from what happened with Kozik and you couldn't have protected her today either. Stella protects her family, no matter what. We taught her that and she's our girl. I guarantee you that she wouldn't change today for anything"

"I know she wouldn't, doesn't mean I like it"

"Once we get her home, she'll be fine"

Tig really hoped that Gemma was right because he knew that Stella was strong but he didn't know how much more if this that Stella could handle.

Later that night Stella had just hopped into her own bed and got as comfortable as possible. She had swapped her normal cotton boxers and tank top for the night, since they clung to her body and her bruises, for a guy white button up shirt. She was pretty sure it was Kozik's but couldn't dwell on that thought for too long before her pain medication kicked in and she got swept up on a lovely pain free cloud, God bless prescription drugs and the doctors who prescribe them. She only had just nodded off to sleep when she heard her front door open. Stella quickly sat up in her bed, listened closely and wondered if she had dreamt it all, but then she heard foot steps slowly walking down her hallway and towards her bedroom. Her heart jumped into her throat, was it Darby? Stella was really starting to regret telling Tig to go back to the clubhouse, that she would be fine. Why did she leave her handbag and more importantly her phone in the living room? Stella got out of her bed and rushed over at the door and slowly opened it. When she saw who it was Stella breathed a sigh of relief.

"Jackson, how did you get in?"

"Key under the frog"

She rolled her eyes, shook her head and wondered if everybody in town knew about that damn frog.

"Listen if you're here to fight, can we not because I am so over this day and I'm just not strong enough right now. You're going to have to wait until tomorrow"

"That's not why I am here" he said leaning against the doorframe. She began to ask why he was there but before she could, Stella felt his lips on hers. She made a sound of astonishment and what she would have given to see her own face and yet Stella kissed him back. She got that same feeling she had in the hospital, when he was so close to her. She never thought she would feel that way with Jax. It was crazy, wasn't it? She felt Jax pull away he watched to see what her reaction was. Stella blinked a couple of times before pulling him back to her and kissing him again. Stella moved them both into her room and closed the door.


	11. Chapter 11

Stella woke up to the sunlight in her eyes; she covered them with her hand before opening them. When she found conciseness, she was only too aware that someone's arm was snaked around her waist. Suddenly the events of the night before it all came rushing back to her and she felt scared and horrid. How could she be so stupid? Sleeping with Jax? What was she thinking? She slowly and delicately moved out from under his arm, desperately trying not to wake him. In the process Stella fell out of bed and hit the floor. She whispered a four letter word to herself before quickly picking up her clothes and scurrying out the bedroom door. She quickly got herself dressed, as if that would take back what she had done the night before. She paced her living room, cursing herself in her own head. Suddenly it was too much; she had to get out of that house. The whole situation was suffocating her, Stella needed air and fast, and she jumped in her car and just drove. The rev of her engine must have woken him up, not that he knew that's what it was. However he was blissfully unaware he was alone. His arm stretched over to the other side of the bed, it was warm but empty. He sat up and looked around the room, no clothes, no bag and no shoes. Stella pulled a runner. The night of his dreams had turned into a nightmare. If she was gone that meant she was freaking out and that meant today was going to be messy.

She was in the clubhouse behind the bar taking inventory, of sorts. Well it was more of a shopping list of all the alcohol she needed to buy to restock the bar for the guys. Beer was first on the list. She was bent of the bar writing on her note pad when she heard foots steps coming towards her and mentally crossed her fingers, toes and legs, that the person walking towards her wasn't Jax. For the love of God she couldn't deal with that right now, or ever. She stood up straight and hissed in pain before grabbing her side. How the heck did she have sex last night without pain?

"What were you thinking?" he accused, more then asked her. She stared at her scarecrow. Her mind went at twenty millions miles per hour and her heart jumped up into her mouth. _He knew!_ She didn't know how Tig knew about her activities the night before but He_ knew!_ She didn't know what to say, hell, Stella didn't even know if she could even talk.

"What?"

"You were in the hospital yesterday and now your working? Are you insane?"

"A little. I have to be a little crazy to be in love with you"

"Sweetheart, sweet talking me won't get you anywhere"

"Alex, come on what am I going to do at home. I'd rather work or at least do something"

"Princess.."

Stella pouted and batted her eyes at him. _Those Damn Eyes!_

"Tigger" she said making a big bottom lip.

"Oh goddammit, Sweetheart. You are in the office, behind that desk and that's it. I will cuff you to the chair, if I have too"

"Fluffy cuffs?" she asked in playfully excitement

"The metal kind"

"Oh, well" she said placing her wrist together and holding out her arms "Take me away"

Tig shook his head and chuckled before dragging her over to the office. Jax pulled up and watched Tig playfully push Stella into the auto shop's office As Stella laughed as he did so. They were both in high spirits. She hadn't seen Jax and as much as he was dying to see her, Jax wouldn't even go near that office this morning. He was there to work and that's what he was going to do.

Tig fell short of cuffing her to the chair but she did stay in the office anyhow. She was allocating money into everyone's accounts with the legitimate work that they did. The guys needed some paper trails and with ATF taking a big interest in the club, they all knew that the bank account would be monitored. All the guys had been coming and going, seeing if she was alright after yesterday. There had been a lot of hugs and affection in that office that day. It was days like that she realized just how much they all loved her. She heard a knock on the doorframe, she didn't look up but heard foot steps walk into the office.

"Cinnamon crunch bagel and a half-caf, extra shot venti, two pump nonfat, hold the whip, caramel macchiato" Opie told her placing a paper bag and thermo mug on the desk before sitting down.

"Wait. There isn't a Starbucks in Charming"

"No, there is not"

Stella just look up and smiling at him. "I should go to hospital more often"

"Don't you dare"

"How's Ellie?"

"Pretty shaken up but can't wait to see her favorite Aunt"

Stella nodded her head. Although she was dying to see the kids and especially Ellie but Stella knew she would have to wait a few days until her bruises were healed, or at least faded enough for Stella too cover it all with make up. She didn't want to scare them or make Ellie feel worse then she already did.

"I'll call her tonight"

"Sounds good"

They were quiet for a while but he could basically see the thoughts running through her head and there was something big on her mind. She caught him watching her

"What?"

"You need to talk?"

Stella put down her mug, took her glasses off and took a deep breath before saying

"I slept with Jax last night"

Opie almost choked on his coffee before staring at her in shock "And?"

"What do mean and? I slept with Jax!"

"Then?"

"I left before he woke up"

"Stella!"

"What! Was I meant to stay and we could talk about our _feelings_. Trust me, judging from last night. We were both feeling pretty good"

Opie made a face of disgust at her. Stella did the same to him and he understood her dilemma. Things between Jax and Stella were never going to be the same again. Things changed between Opie and Stella once they slept together but for the better, they become close. Opie feared it would be the opposite for Stella and Jax.

She thought she had successfully avoided him all day. She had buried herself in a stack of paper in the office and not come out all day. Knowing full well Jax was in the auto shop. He hadn't come looking for her and she had gone looking for him. So either he was feeling just as weird about the events of the night before or he was pissed at her from leaving without a word that morning. Either way Stella didn't want to see him. She was embarrassed and she really didn't want to talk about it but once he walked into the office with that determined look on his face she knew she was getting out of it.

"Did know you were magician?" he said sitting down in the chair opposite the desk "Not a fan of your disappearing act"

"Jax what was I meant to do. Wake up next to you then we have breakfast together. Let's not make it into something that it wasn't"

"And what was it Stel?"

"A bit of fun, come on it's us"

He stared at her shocked, they were both there last night and it was a whole lot more them two friends having fun, or at least that's what Jax had thought. She read the expression on his face and felt sick to her stomach. Did he actually have feeling for her?

"Are you kidding me?"

"Jax?"

"You felt nothing?"

"Jax I love you, but not in that way"

"That's it?" he asked "What now we avoid each other? Everything gets awkward between us? We drift apart or do we just pretend that it just didn't happen? Go on with our lives like you and Opie? I can't do that now Stella. Not now I know you like that"

She got out of her chair and walked over before sitting in his lap. Was it just him or was she giving him mixed signals.

"Listen, yesterday was an emotionally packed day and with me getting hurt"

"Getting beaten" he corrected

"And keeping Abel safe" she continued "Your mind is playing tricks that's all"

"So your saying that I'm not falling for you I'm just grateful?"

"Yeah more or less"

He wanted to tell her that she was wrong and he had been slowly falling in love with her for years, he had just been too gutless to tell her about it but instead he just nodded his head. Of course she wasn't tell him the truth that she did in fact feel something but it didn't make sense to her that she would feel that way about Jax of all people. The Princess and Prince together, it was too prefect and Stella's life was anything but prefect. He knew she was wrong about the way he felt about her but he could see where she was coming from, so he just nodded his head and hoped that she would see it soon because there wasn't much more of this he could take. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and chest, linking her fingers together. Stella rested her forehead on his and closed her eyes before taking a deep breath. She opened her eyes again and saw him staring up at her, she saw the want in his eyes and she liked it. Before she even knew what she was doing Stella had kissed him again. It took him by surprised given what she had just told him but that didn't mean that he didn't enjoy it. She pulled away and looked at him surprised

"You were saying?" he said with a smile

"Damn it"

She wanted to get up and if she could have she would have Jax wouldn't let her, he had a tight grip around her waist. What the hell was she going to do on?


	12. Chapter 12

Opie watched Jax throw tools on to the ground frustrated at what he was doing but Opie knew it was more frustration about what was going on in his life. Opie lent up against the car that Jax was working on and smiled

"She's still ignoring you, huh?"

"Who?" Jax fired back quickly

"The old friend you slept with three weeks ago"

"She told you?"

"She had to talk to someone. Would you rather she talk to Tig?"

"Good point"

"She's freaked out. Give her time" Opie told him. "Where is she anyhow?"

"Clubhouse, I think"

Opie turned around and left Jax alone but hoping that Jax would follow and he did. As weird as it was for Jax with Stella avoiding him, it was also weird for Opie being the only other person to know the whole story. They heard her voice before they saw her. There she was sitting at the bar with Bobby while he played his guitar

_She sits in her corner. Singing herself to sleep. Wrapped in all of the promises  
>That no one seems to keep. She no longer cries to herself, No tears left to wash away. Just diaries of empty pages, Feelings gone astray, but she will sing<em>

Jax tried not to look at her but he couldn't help it. Bobby and Stella continued singing as Opie and Jax went about with what they were doing. Opie looked over at Bobby and Stella, get lost in their song. It was pretty all consuming. Yeah, Jax had no hope, he was a goner.

_'Till everything burns. While everyone screams. Burning their lies. Burning my dreams. All of this hate, and all of this pain. I'll burn it all down. As my anger reigns, 'till everything burns_

As soon as Stella saw Clay walked into the room, Stella knew it was bad. The look on his face said it all. He called all the guys into church. Bobby handed Stella his guitar and made his way over as Tig walked up to Stella.

"All is not right in Who-ville, is it?" she asked frowning

"You're very wise, Grasshopper"

Stella rolled her eyes and shook her head. She couldn't help but start to get scared, not that she would admit to that.

"How worried should I be?"

"More then a little, less then a lot"

"Wow, you're a lot help Alex thank you"

She watched him close the door and god only knew what was about to go down. A part of Stella didn't want to know and a part of her needed to know.

No one said anything when they came out and that was how she knew it was bad. They all went to their sperate corners and prepare for the event ahead, she couldn't take it anymore. She walked into Church and saw the line of guns before she saw Jax. She let against one of the chairs facing him; neither of them said a word. He refused to look at her. Pretending to be too wrapped up in what he was doing to notice her.

"Is this thing serious?" She asked quietly

"Could be"

"Do me a favor?"

"Hmm"

"Be careful"

Jax put down the gun that was in his hand and finally looked at her "Why do you all of a sudden do you care Stella?"

"I've always cared, Jax"

"You could have fooled me. The past few weeks, ever since we slept together you have been avoiding me like the plague. Excuse me if I don't believe you"

"Forgot it" she said shaking her head and walking out of the room. Jax watched her walked away and waited until she got to the door before he pulled her back.

'Stel, come here" he said grabbing her hand gently

"No"

"Why?"

"Because you're being a jerk"

"I'm sorry. Come here" he said pulling her back.

"So you should be. Why are you such an arse?"

Jax picked her up and sat her on the table

"I am an arse. I'm sorry. You haven't made it easy on me, Stella. You've never avoided me before."

"I've also never slept with you before either" she told him, trying to avoid his stare "Jax, this is crazy. You're my family and then you kiss me out of nowhere and something changes instantly. It's confusing and I don't know what's going on"

"Tell me about but Stella, you can't ignore it. There's something between us" he said tucking her hair behind her ear, then she finally looked up at him.

"I know" she said quietly "Just please come back in one piece, so I can figure it out"

He smiled at her before making his way towards the door; suddenly she pulled him back, by his cut and kissed him. He kissed her like he had always wanted too. Like it always fantasized that he could. She felt him wrap her hair around his hand and his wrist and deepened the kiss, right about the moment that Gemma walked past and saw them. Gemma smiled and made her self disappear quickly.

"Do me a favor?" he asked pulling out of their kiss "See me off when we leave. I know you hate watching us go and you don't normally do it but please?"

"Jax…"

"Princess, I promise I'll come back"

"Don't make me a promise you may not be able to keep, Jackson"

"Sweetheart, I've been waiting for you ever since you walked back into my life in tall black boots and a red trench coat. You think I'd be checking out now?"

He watched Stella frowned trying to think back to when that might have been, then look at him amazed

"That was five years ago"

"Yeah, I know" he said with a chuckle " Babe this isn't a fling for me and we need to talk about this because this isn't going away"

She frowned at him, hardly believing what she had just heard. It seemed unbelievable to her. That meant he had feeling for her during her time with Kozik, which meant all those times that Kozik told her, Jax had feeling for her, Kozik had been right. Jax kissed her again, which took her away from her thoughts. She kissed him back for a few second before pulling away.

"When do you guys leave?" she asked wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Half an hour"

Stella grip tighten and she rested her head on his chest and stayed there for a while.

Half an hour later Tig looked confused as he saw Stella walked out of the clubhouse to them off. Stella had a rule about not watching them all ride away, when they were on a job like this. She always feared she would never see them again. She walked over to him and picked up his helmet.

"Hi" he said smiling

"Hey"

"This is new. You never come out to say goodbye"

"Thought I'd give it a try" she said placing the helmet on his head. "Please come back, in one piece"

"Piece of cake"

"I'm serious"

"So am I" he said with a chuckle before he hugged her. Jax watched on and tried to push down the jealous he felt in his heart, knowing that he was being an idiot. He heard them say their I love you's and he did he's best not to envy all that Tig and Stella had. The unasked question about Tig and Stella relationship had really began to bug him but Jax didn't think he had the right to ask, but he really wanted to know if they had been as close as close could be. All the girls watched them ride out the gate and Stella took a deep breath as Gemma wrapped her arm around Stella's shoulders before quietly asking

"How long have you and my son been sleeping together?" Stella head spun around and looked at Gemma wide eyed and in shock. How the heck did she know? "I think we did to talk"


	13. Chapter 13

Gemma sat down at one of the table in the clubhouse and watched as Stella lit a cigarette, knowing there was no way she was getting out of this conversation. Gemma knew and now more then ever Stella was going to have to face everything that was happening.

'How long has it been going on?"

"It happened once, that's it"

"When?"

"When I came home from the hospital after the whole Darby thing"

"He was terrified that he was going to lose you. He was worried that they weren't going to find you"

Stella took a deep breath and sat on the opposite side of the table. She stared off into her fresh cup of coffee, like it would give her the answers that she need. She exhaled loudly , frustrated.

"I'm just so confused about so many things, Gemma"

"About Kozik?"

Stella ran her free hand through her hair and wondered if she was really that transparent, she was losing her mystery if Gemma could tell that he was on her mind, now more then ever. Which lets face it, was hard to do.

"It's stupid, I know"

"It's not stupid. I loved John more then anyone else in this world. When he died I thought I would never be able to breathe again. I will never love anyone the way I loved him"

"But you and Clay are amazing together"

"And I love him with all my heart but it's not the same love. I know that this how you're punishing yourself because you think after what you did, that you don't deserve to be loved like that again but, Baby you do"

Queen and Princess couldn't share their touching Hallmark moment for very long before it was interrupted by a woman in a cheap ass grey suit, Payless black boots and an ATF badge.

"Well, isn't this place different with all your guys"

Stella looked over at Gemma surprised before whispering "Seriously, she's not died yet?" Thankfully June didn't hear Stella, distracted by Ellie running past her, running up to Stella and sitting on her lap. It was the first time they had seen each other since the whole Darby incident. Gemma hopped up from the table and block Agent Stahl's path into the clubhouse.

"Can we help you?"

"I'm actually here to see Stella"

"She's not interested"

"Is the Queen speaking for the Princess, these days?"

"I'm not interested" Stella said not even looking up, while playing with Ellie hair. She didn't want to give Stahl a second more of her attention, then she needed too.

"Stella you were attacked. You can press charges on whatever Asshole put you in the hospital. God knows what they are capable of, if they come back. This motorcycle club isn't exactly known to be affiliated with the best of people"

Stella finally looked up at June before rolling her eyes, she opened her mouth to of course saying some smartarse comment but then it took them all be surprise when a little girls' voice piped up and said

"Their mechanics and motorcycle enthusiasts"

Stella had to hold in her laughter so instead she brushed Ellie's hair down and kissed the top of her head. Gemma smiled in triumph.

"You start them young, don't you?" She asked Gemma

"I have no idea what you're talking about"

Stahl chuckled bitterly before walking out the door, not saying another word. She knew she wasn't going to get anywhere, so she would rather not waste her time. Gemma sat back down at the table as Ellie sat in the chair next to Stella. Three generations of SAMCRO women at one table.

"So?" Gemma asked Stella, clearly wanting to get back to the conversation they had been having before they were rudely interrupted.

"So?" Stella said trying to delay the evitable. Ellie sat up and looked at both Gemma and Stella before asking.

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing Baby" Gemma told her " Just some girl talk"

"About Jax and Stella?"

Stella mouth opened in shock before she lent back in her chair. Gemma blinked a few times and then laughed

"You're full of surprises today, aren't you, Elle?"

Stella lent forward again and rested her arms on the table and getting closer to Ellie.

"How did you know about that?"

"I heard Dad and Lyla talking about it that other night" Suddenly it made all the sense in the world. Ellie looked back at her brother hopped up from the table. "Koz wouldn't want you to be sad forever"

Stella was taken back be the wisdom of a child and maybe that's why Ellie's words made such an impact. Stella knew what she had to do, she finally had a clear path to go down, she just had to find the courage to go down it.

Jax heard a knock on his door and the last thing he wanted or needed as visitors right now. All he wanted to do was sleep but instead Jax stood up from the sofa. He opened the door and saw Stella leaning against the side of the house, smiling at him, dressed in her red trench coat and tall black boots over her tight jeans.

"Oh lordy" he said smiling "I'm in trouble now"

"And don't you know it. You going to let me in?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Not really"

There had been a change in her since he last saw her and he was dying to know why or what. She was playfully, seductive even. She undid the belt of her coat and he saw the black tank top she was wearing underneath. It was the exact outfit she had been wearing when she had called his bike a piece of shit and proceeded to lay all over it.

"You're mother knows about us. She caught us in church this afternoon"

"Wonderful. She pump you for information"

"Pretty much"

"Sorry" he said before watching her bite her lip nervously. He walked towards her and wrapped a hand around her waist

"I have to tell you something before we go any farther. I'm scared Jax. For the past three years and beyond really, I've been in control of how I feel, when it come to this type of stuff and with you I'm not"

"I get that"

"My head is a mess and I don't know if it will be any different, ever. You know everything about my past and the things in this life that you may want and I won't be able to give you but if you want to do this, I'm in"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah just don't break my heart, okay?"

"Okay"

It wasn't long before they were kissing and her infamous red trench coat was on the floor of Jax's lounge room.

He stirred at three the next morning and found the other side of the bed cold and empty, yet again. What was it about this woman? He sat up pissed off that she pulled the same crazy shit as last time. Then he listened for a second and heard a guitar playing softly somewhere in the house. He quickly pulled some clothes on and went off in search of her. Abel's bedroom door was slightly ajar and the light from a lamp was shining out of the opening.

_We belong together, like the open seas and shores, wedded by the planet force  
>we've all been spoken for<em>

Jax looked in to see Stella sitting on the floor, singing to his son. He had a vague recollection of Savannah doing the same when they were both little kids. Abel must have stirred during the night and Jax hadn't' heard him. He decided not to interrupt and he just went back to bed.

Jax was asleep when Stella hopped back into the bed. Instinctively Jax wrapped his arm around her and pulled her in tight and Stella realised that she could get used to this.


	14. Chapter 14

_One second she was laying in bed with Jax and the next she was at the wandering the shores Vashon Island, Washington. She had been here once before, long ago. Before anyone knew that Kozik and Stella were together, it was one of the best weekends of her life and it was the first time they slept together. She sat down and looked over at the lighthouse and wondered why she was there, how the heck did she get there and why hell was she there. All her questions were answered when she felt his arm snake around her waist and pull Stella closer to him. She closed her eyes when he kissed her lightly on the cheek and rested her head on his shoulder._

"_Hey Baby"_

_She wrapped her arms tightly around his and didn't want to move, for the rest of her life._

"_Is this a dream?"_

"_What do you think?"_

_She knew it was a dream, that or she was dead but her money was on it being a dream. This was different, normally if she dreamt about him it was memories of what she had done. Reliving the nightmare. This however was completely different and she liked it._

"_Baby, I am so sorry" she said getting all chocked up. " So, so sorry"_

_She softly hushed her and held her tightly. This wasn't why he was there. " It wasn't your fault. Stop torturing yourself. I need you to stop, it's killing me" She looked up at him and gave him a playful frown " Okay wrong choice of words"_

"_You think?"_

_They both chuckled and he kissed the side of her forehead and then her cheek again. Stella wondered if she was going to remember this when she woke up. Stella hopped she did, she needed to remember this._

"_People are coming to Charming and I need you not to freak out and I need you to remember that it is all going to work out. Your family does things to protect you, not to hurt you"_

_Stella was completely confused and had no idea what he was talking about. Like he was speaking in another language._

"_I don't understand"_

"_You will. I wish I could tell you more, I don't have the time. You just have to trust me and know that I love you"_

"_I love you too. Where have you been?"_

_Kozik chuckled softly and she could hear his smile when he spoke "When I'm not with you, I am taking care of someone very special. I wish you could see her. She's got these long blonde curls and her Mama's green eyes. She is so, so beautiful"_

"_Who?"_

"_Our daughter"_

Stella's eyes shot open and she looked around the room. Jax's bedroom. She was still in bed with his arms wrapped around her, they felt different now. She turned her head and looked at him. Studied him as he slept. If Stella wanted to, she could fall in love with his man. If she let herself. Stella needed to let herself, she couldn't hold back anymore. Kozik had been right, she had to stop torturing herself. She needed to be happy and Jax could make her happy. He began to stir and she just smiled.

"You're still here"

"Where else would I be?" She watched a grin lighten up his face before he kissed her good morning, something he could get use to doing but then it turned into something more passionate, which she was only too happy to go along with and she did for a while until she slowly pulled away and took a breath. " Hunni, you're going to have to stop"

"Why?" he asked trailing kisses down her neck

"Because I hear little footsteps coming down the hallway"

Suddenly the bedroom door flew open and a little person flung himself on to the bed and crawled in between his father and Stella.

"You're killing me, Son. You're killing me"

Stella cracked up laughing as Abel struggled up to her

"You wouldn't be getting any action anyway because you need a shower. You stink. Does daddy smell?" Stella asked looking down at Abel. His little head bobbed up and down. Stella laughed and looked up at Jax " Daddy stinks"

"Oh it's gang up on Daddy day? I see how this is going to go down. That's fine" Jax told them playing along walking out the bedroom door. Stella turned to Abel pulled a face making him laughed

Stella walked through the clubhouse, which was like a ghost town. All the guys were out or still in bed. Some people had all the luck. She walked into the kitchen to see if anybody made any coffee, she prayed to god they had because with the thoughts rolling around in her head, Stella needed coffee. She remembered her dream the night before, she remembered him holding her tightly, remembered him kissing her cheek but did quite remember what he had told her. It was a warning of some kind but if she could only remember what about, Stella had the feeling it was important but why couldn't she remember. As she walked through the doors of the kitchen Stella almost walked into a woman, Ima.

"Morning" Stella said sweetly even though the last thing she wanted to do was be sweet to this woman. Actually the first thing she wanted to do was kick this bitch out of the clubhouse and away from her guys.

"Morning" Ima said quickly. She quickly looked Stella over, like she had never seen her before. What she was actually doing was looking for some ink. Surely she belonged to someone, one of the guys. Stella lent past Ima to grab the coffee pot and Ima saw it. Stella's Crow inked on her wrist, perched on top of a capital A. Stella saw the confusion on Ima's face, she decided to put the poor girl out of her misery.

"Tig's real name is Alex"

"You belong Tig?" she asked surprised. Stella swung around quickly and stared at Ima.

"I don't _belong _to anybody"

Stella was about to give Ima a mouthful about self respect and how Ima should get some but couldn't before Juice joined them in the kitchen. The way that Ima and Juice looked at each other there was no question in Stella mind who Ima's last conquest was. Ima quickly left the kitchen and Stella's sight, thankfully.

"What are you doing here so early?" Juice asked Stella

"I ran out of coffee"

"How does your house run out of coffee?"

"Not a clue"

Stella was known for her caffeine addiction which was why Juice was so surprise she hadn't thought ahead and brought more. "You are working today?"

"Nah" she said happily "Thinking of going on a road trip, for the day"

"Getting out town while Tacoma is here" Stella looked at Juice in shock and awe. Why did Juice get the distinct impression that it was the first time Stella was hearing about this. " He didn't tell?"

"No _he _didn't!"

Stella took a deep breath and marched out of the kitchen with her coffee cup in search of her Scarecrow, who was in deep shit, right about now. She didn't have to look far before she found him, walking out of church.

"Tacoma is coming to town?" she called out across the clubhouse "And you didn't tell me?"

"It doesn't affect you, Sweetheart" he said as he kept on walking. He was kind of fearful of his pissed off Princess right now

"How _doesn't _this affect me, Alex! I killed one of their brothers; you don't think they're going to want a little payback for that?"

God, Stella knew if the roles were reversed she would want payback. She was cold and calm on the outside but her heart was beating at a million miles per hour and she couldn't help back think that her past was going to catch up with her.

"They don't know you did it"

"_What?_"

"We didn't tell them that you kill him. They know you were there but that's it"

"Who do they think shot him?"

"Me" someone said walking through the door. She looked over and saw Jax walking towards them. Stella shook her head; she couldn't believe that Jax had done that. Taken the blame. This was going to be one hell of a day for him. Jax told Tig that he'd take care this, this meaning Stella. Tig quickly made his retreat. "Come here"

Jax lightly grabbed her hand and led her back to his old room. Once he shut the door behind them. She ripped her hand out of his and pushed him slightly.

"Why would you do that, huh? Do you have any idea about what they are going to want to do to you?"

"I was trying to protect you, from all of this"

"Jesus Jackson"

"It's going to be okay" he said wrapping her up in his arms "Besides you're worth it"

"I don't know about that" she said muffled by their hug. She closed her eyes and stayed there for a while and that was when Ima walked past and saw them. Ima watched for a second as the jealousy built up inside of her. _Didn't belong to anybody, _what a load of crap! Stella belonged to someone. She belonged to Jax by the look of this. Ima smiled to herself and kept on walking. The Prince and Princess weren't going to be a secret for long. Jax might not have wanted Ima anymore that meant no one else was going to have him either. 

Later that day in the auto shop Tig walked up to Jax, wondering how his princess was. He hadn't seen her since this morning and he got the feeling she was avoiding him, so she must still be pissed which he hated. There were only three women in his life he had ever been scared of when they were angry. His mother, God rests her soul. Savannah because she didn't get pissed off often but when she did Savannah was like a hurricane and Stella because let's face it, he had taught his Princess well and she was a firecracker.

"How is she?"

"She's angry but she'll be okay. I think she really just worried about everyone else"

"How unlike her"

"Exactly"

Suddenly a bunch of bikes pulled up and Jax took a deep breath "Terrific" Jax said flatly

"You ready for this?" Tig asked him

"Better me then Stella"

They both walked towards their visitors and a blind man couldn't miss the death looks Jax was copping. Tig did a quick head count and one person was missing. Steven, Kozik's brother.

"Where's Steven?" Tig called out.

"He had to make a pit stop"

Jax and Tig glanced at each other and they knew exactly where Steven was and they couldn't help her, without making it obvious. Stella was going to have to fend for herself

Stella heard someone knocking on her door, which was strange because her family normally just walked into the house or used the key under the frog. Stella frowned, put down her cup of coffee, her fourth of the day and walked towards the front door. She saw a figure but didn't see their features because the sun was right behind them. She saw a tall guy, blonde hair, blue eyes, familiar but it couldn't be him. Not unless she was dreaming again. Stella moved to the side and away from the sun.

"Steven?"

"Yeah"

"Hey" she said softly before he hugged her "Heard you guys were going to be in town"

"Yeah just some club business"

Stella held up her hand and shook her head

"'Don't tell me. It's good to see you" she said letting him in the door "Coffee?"

Steven nodded his head and followed her into the kitchen. She could feel Steven's eyes on her and she was right, he was watching her every move. The sunlight streamed through the kitchen window and bounce off her engagement ring, which was on her right hand.

"He always knew that you'd love that"

Stella turned around confused before noticing what Steven was looking at. Stella touched the diamond with her thumb for a brief second before turning around and handing Steven a mug of hot coffee.

"Besides Alex, your brother was the one person that knew me best. Even after years apart"

They walking into the lounge room and sat down. There she was sitting down to have a coffee chat with the brother of the man she killed. She could feel the guilt rising up in her stomach and her heart beat away, afraid that he was going to find out the truth. How did her Scarecrow do this for so many years, with the truth about her father? She couldn't even do it for ten minutes.

"When he came back to Tacoma to put in for the transfer, I have never seen his so happy. He had the girl of his dreams back"

"Then I left. Things would have been so much different if I'd stayed after I found out about my father"

'No one blames you for that Stella. My brother sure didn't, he might have acted like he was angry but he wasn't"

Stella shook her head like she didn't believe him before bending down and picking up her pack of cigarettes. As she did the ring around her neck feel out of her top and Steven saw that it was his brother wedding ring. Stella was still in love with him and Steven smiled. When Stella looked up again he saw the tears in her eyes.

"Steven, I'm sorry for everything"

"Hey" he said putting his coffee cup down. He kneeled in front of her and hugged her tight "It's not your fault. We know who fault it is"

"Darby"

"Jax"

They answered at the same time but with two completely different answers and Stella looked at Steven worried.

"Steve wait. It's not Jax's fault"

"He killed my brother, Stel. He killed the love of your life. I know he is your family but that doesn't excuse that fact that it happened"

God he looked like his brother when he was pissed. She wanted to stand up and tell Steven the truth own up to what happen. Tell him that she was the one to pull the trigger but in the back of her head she knew the guys had their plan and she had to trust them, she had to go along with it.

"Steven, listen to me okay. We were all in a situation that we didn't want to be in, all three if us. Jax didn't want to pull that trigger but he was protecting me. Koz got into it with a really bad guy and if there was any other way, any other avenue we could have taken trust me, we would have taken it"

Steven hoped up from the floor and sat back down on the sofa across from her, not believing a word of it. He shook he's head and finished his coffee.

"He wasn't protecting you Stella. He was protecting himself. There is so much you don't know and even if I told you Stella. You wouldn't believe me"

She knew that he was talking about how Jax felt about her and had felt about her at the time but once again, it wouldn't be helpful to admit that.

"Steve" she started

"I gotta get to the clubhouse. Their waiting for me, just wanted to see you first"

Stella nodded her head and thanked him before following him outside to his bike. He opened one of his bags and handed her an envelope.

"We were packing the rest of his stuff back in Washington and found these. Thought you might need them more than us"

She opened the white envelope and saw a few photographs taken years back. "Oh my god, look at my hair" she said with a chuckle. It was natural, before she found hair dye, long and sandy blonde, like her Mama. She flicked to the next picture. Steven looked over her shoulder.

"On Vashon Island, do you remember?"

"I actually had a dream about it last night"

"Must have known something"

They hugged, said goodbye and she watched him ride away. She had no idea what Steven had planned for Jax but she knew it wasn't the best and she knew that Jax didn't deserve it. Thankfully she knew that with the Tacoma guys in town there would be a party that night and she know could keep an eye on the situation. She went back inside and studied the photographs that Steven had just given her. It was funny she didn't remember photographs being taken that weekend they were at Vashon Island but clearly there had been. Stella couldn't keep doing this to herself; she couldn't keep living in the past, other wise she was going to get stuck there. She had this great guy who wanted to be there for her. Who was copping a lot of crap today protecting her. She had to give him a chance. Stella placed the photographs in a book that was on the coffee table and tried to forget they were there. She had to close that chapter of her life.

Stella breezed through the clubhouse and there was only one man she wanted to see, one man she needed to see. She caught Jax's eye and walked towards the backrooms. It wasn't long before he followed and was pulled into his old room. He took a long appreciative look at her and was amazed at how beautiful she looked.

"I don't know the crap you would have had to put up with today but thank you" she said before kissing him. It was more than a kiss; it was the prelude to something else, something more. As much as he wanted to continue he knew they couldn't, not there and not now but that didn't mean he couldn't have some fun and some payback. He lowered his head to her neck and smiled

'Do you remember this morning? When we woke up"

"Yeah"

Jax smiled and moved his lips up to her ear before saying "Payback is a bitch"

She looked up at him and saw that cheeky grin and rolled her eyes and shook her head.

'I'll remember that next time. Then you'll regret it"

"Wouldn't want anyone to walk in and catch us anyway" he said backing away "I'm going to have a hard time keeping my hands off you tonight, anyhow"

"Good to know" she said before he kissed her one last time and moving out of the room. Stella took a deep breath, straightened herself up and did the same.

They didn't spend every moment together at the party but even if they did no one would think twice. Jax and Stella had always spent a lot of time together, so they wouldn't turn heads if they spent more time together now. It was only the fact that Steven was there that Stella created some distance between herself and Jax. The slightest thing could set Steven off given the way he felt about Jax these days and Stella didn't want that to happen. She rolled her eyes as the croweaters showed up all together, much to the guys delight. Steven stood next to Stella as Emily Duncan walked past. It was the first time she had showed her face since their little altercation a few weeks back. Steven saw the look in Stella's eyes the cold, malevolent, wickedness that played behind those emerald greens. They both watched as Emily made a Beeline for Tig. They looked on as she tried all her well known, well used tricks and her scarecrow loved every second of it.

"She's challenging me, isn't she?" she asked Steven

"Oh yeah"

Stella was off in Emily's direction and was going to kick some major sweetbutt behind and was halfway there before someone arm wrapped around her waist, picked her up for the ground and turned she around in the other direction.

"Woah, beautiful. Hold up" Chibs told her walking Stella towards the front door "Where are you going?"

"Where do you think I'm going? Going to give her a nose job"

"She's trying to get a rise out of her"

"And that's what I'm going to do. Give her what she wants. Let me go"

Chibs laughed as they took a walk outside, she took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down. Stella knew that he was right; the better revenge was to not give Emily what she wanted. Keep her guessing. Normally that is what Stella would normally do but there was something about Emily that just set Stella off. Maybe she should have kicked Emily's ass all those years back? Might have made her life easier now.

"Chibs?"

"Yeah Sweetheart?"

"Do you think Emily's pretty?"

He chuckle and pulled for a hug as they kept walking "Doesn't hold a candle to you Stella, Trust me"

They both walked into back into the clubhouse when she was calm again. What would she do without her guys having her back? They knew her better then she knew herself, most days. Once they were back inside she walked straight up to Emily and Tig, only calmly this time. Stella stood in front of the both of them and stared Emily down before raising her eyebrows. Emily stood up and made her exit quickly before Stella sat down in Emily spot, looked over at her scarecrow and asked "Really?"

"What?"

"Her?"

"Jealous are we?"

"If memory services me right, I slept with you first. It's not my fault she has a thing for my seconds"

"Are we actually going to talk about this?" He looked at her surprised and impressed. They never had spoken about it and he was under the impression that they were never going too. People often asked both of them if they had slept together but they never admitted it or denied it, they just let people believe what they wanted to believe and they were happy either way. They had a peculiar relationship but it worked for them and that was the reason they never justified or explained what they had.

"We don't need to talk about it, Alex. We were both there and I rocked your world" she said before they both laughed "I am just surprised that you wait until I was eighteen"

"So was I. Do you know how much self control that took?"

"I'm very proud"

It was their little secret and he kinda liked it that way and really it was no one else's business but theirs. She hugged him before standing up

"Where are you going?" he asked " I thought you were protecting me from Emily"

Stella fell into a fit of laughter before turning around " I'm getting a drink. You want a beer?"

Tig nodded his head and watched her walk to the bar and stand next to Jax. She quickly rested her head on his arm, before he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Tig knew that it wouldn't be sitting right with Stella, Jax taking the heat for Kozik's death but he was glad that Stella had trusted them enough to go along with their plan. He had actually been worried that Stella would confess everything to Steven.

Tig wasn't the only watching them. Steven didn't know what it was that triggered him, something about the way that Jax kissed her on the forehead or the way that his hand slid from her shoulder, down her arm, brushed the curve of her waist and rested on her hip but Steven was sure that his brother had been right about Jax. He had more than friendly feelings for Stella. Stella didn't notice and everyone around them must have thought nothing of it. Stella playfully bumped into Jax before she left and joined Tig again. Steven was going to have to have a little chat with Jackson and set him straight. If there was one thing Steven could do for his brother, it was that.


	15. Chapter 15

He watched her sit up in bed, her tank top slid up revealing her lower back that was once tattooed, now completely bare. He still wasn't use to it. That brand had been on her back from more than a decade, sure it had been another man's name but it had been a part of Stella and now that it was gone. He understood why she had it removed but he will always wonder if she regretted it. He lightly brushed the place where tattoo used to be and Stella smiled before looking back at Jax.

"No matter how much you rub it, it won't come back"

"What are we talking about?" Jax answered with a cheeky smile on his face, before Stella lightly backhanded his arm and shaking her head " Did it hurt? Getting it removed?"

"Worse than the actual tattoo and it was on bone"

"I'll never get use to it, not being there" Jax told her

"It's not like I'm crow-less" she said lying back down.

"Yeah but the one on your wrist isn't exactly the same thing, isn't it? You were never Tig's old lady" Jax frowned, before asking "Where you?"

Stella smiled wickedly at him, there was something playful in her eyes and yet he couldn't read her.

"I'll never tell" she said with a smile.

Jax just came to the conclusion that Tig and Stella liked the mystery that surrounded them and that question. He got the feeling that he would never know the truth but he had to try. "Come on"

"Jax, there are some relationships in this club that are stronger then a member and their old lady. It's all love and loyalty, that's what the tattoo is really all about, nothing more important than that"

He wondered how a woman so sweet, kind hearted and loyal came from such a world. Normally the few women that stayed with the club become jaded and cynical, sure Stella had her moments but over all she still believed in the good in people, no matter what they had done in their past. That wasn't to say she was helpless either. He had been there when Tig went missing; Stella was much like his mother that way. They were sweet as pie until their family was threatened.

"Was Steven horrible to you yesterday?" she asked quietly.

"Nothing I can't handle, Babe"

"Felt horrible lying to him, I just wanted to come clean. I hate feeling two-faced and dishonest. Lying to the cops I don't mind. Lying to Stahl, I'll definitely do that but Steven is like my family. I never realised how different it could feel"

"Stel, you can't tell him. You're gotta have to trust us"

"I know"

"One more day. That's it" he said holding her tight. He wished he didn't have to leave but he did but she understood once he uttered the word Abel. She needed to get up anyway. As much as Stella wanted to lock herself away in her house and away from Steven she knew she couldn't.

Stella went back to the clubhouse it was almost noon and the auto shop was still closed. She knew that was unusual especially on a Saturday. Gemma walked out the door as Stella walked up the driveway.

"There is nothing in there but trash and rubbish. Be warned" Gemma told her. Stella laughed and wondered how wild last night must have gotten after she left, actually on second thought. She didn't want to know. Stella didn't heed Gemma's warning and decided she wanted to see the Clubhouse for herself. She opened the door and almost tripped over a croweater that had passed out at the front door. She surveyed the damage and she understood what Gemma was talking about when she said rubbish – there was beer bottle and crap all over the floor and the croweaters were the trash. Seemingly they had just fell asleep where they had been standing.

"Oh my god"

She made her way through the maze of beer bottles and bimbos before hearing footsteps and a pair high heels. Tig walked into the room and the high heeled woman behind him wasn't Emily. She smiled to herself and wondered what happened. The girl walked past Stella and Stella smiled

"Nice shoes" she told the girl

"Thanks" the girl answered before making her exit.

Stella turned around and smiled at Tig "That wasn't Emily"

"Nah, I lost interest. My standards are too high for her anyway" he told her before watching a smile light up Stella's face "Juice is another story"

Tig nodded over to the pool table where Juice was sleeping alone. Stella frowned and walked over to him. She rested her fingers on the centre of his forehead, softly before lifting her hand and hitting him square on the head. Not too hard but it didn't tickle either. Juice's eyes shot open.

"Ahh. What was that for?" Juice looked up at who hit him "Okay, Stella wait. I know it's Emily but.."

"That wasn't for Emily. That was for Ima the day before"

"Oh"

Stella hit him on the same spot on his forehead, twice as hard "That was for Emily"

"Fair enough" He said sitting up as Tig fell into a fit of laughter walking into the kitchen. They both looked around the clubhouse and the state of it. Stella sat beside him and took a deep breath.

"I'm going to have to clean this up, aren't I?"

"Why you?" Juice asked

"Well you guys aren't going to do it"

"That's what Prospects are for, Princess"

They both laughed as they looked around again; suddenly Stella thought it was funny. She thought of all the horrid jobs that she had seen prospects do. Oddly enough, cleaning this club was actually going to be a piece of cake compared to some other jobs.

Later that morning Jax was taking a cigarette break outside the clubhouse and watching Stella over in the office playing games with his son. She had the kid gene and every kid loved her the second they saw her. He didn't hear Steven walk up behind him so it was a surprise when Steven said

"She would have been a great momma, if she had the chance"

"No doubt about that"

"You know even if she opens her eyes and sees what's in front of her. Sees the way you feel about her and by pure luck, she feels the same way. Stella's not going to love you, like she loved him. If you're okay with being second, go for it but if you're not okay with being second, with being compared and never measuring up. Don't bother her and move on. She's been through enough. That's not his brother talking; it's her brother in law"

"They weren't married" Jax said almost triumphantly

"In her mind they were" Steven said before walking away. People had told him that before and Jax hadn't thought twice about it, maybe because it had come from Steven? Maybe because there was so much malice behind his words but Jax really started to feel the weight of those words. Jax didn't want to be second in her heart or her mind, was that wrong? By the time he had finished his cigarette Jax just came to the conclusion the Steve was just playing mind games with him, Jax wasn't going to let him win. He walked over to the auto shop office which was now empty. He sat down behind the desk and waited for Stella. He needed to be around her right now. Jax rested he feet on the desk in the process knocked Stella's handbag on to the floor. Jax like many men thought a ladies handbag was a no go zone. Luckily not too much fell out of it, just a book. As he picked the book up, something fell out of it's pages, he bent down and picked them up only to see they were photographs of Stella and Kozik. They were the photographs that Steven had given her the day before. Stella had placed them into the book she was reading and absentmindedly brought her book with her to work, like she did more often than not. Stella had forgotten that the photographs were there but then again Jax didn't know that and he thought she must always carry these photographs around with her, just the necklace. Steven had been right Kozik might have passed away but he was very much present in Stella's life and Jax hated it, he didn't know just how much until now. Steven had gotten under his skin big time. Jax put the photographs back into the book and put the book back in her bag. He was deep in thought when Stella walked through the office door. She frowned and she walked over to the board, grabbed the keys to the Toyota Camry and threw them into Bobby's hands. She turned back to Jax and lent against the doorframe and watched Jax for a minute.

"You're deep in thought. You okay?"

Jax looked at her smiling face and even though he really didn't want to, Jax knew what he had to do.

"I think we need to talk"

"That's never good" she said sitting down across from him. "You okay?"

"Yeah just been thinking you know"

"About us"

"Yeah. How did you know?"

"It's written all over your face Jackson. You want to go back to the way we were?"

"I don't want to get weird and have you, leave again, only this time never come neither of us are known for our long relationships"

Stella turned her head to the side and smiled softly "You have a point. If that what you want, we might as well end it now, before we get too far into it"

"You okay with that?" he said trying

"You know me, I'm pretty easy going Jax" she said as he stood up out of the chair. They didn't say anything to each other before he walked away but then again it wasn't like they weren't going to see each other again. Gemma walked into the office a couple seconds later, she passed her son and saw the look on his face and then saw the look on Stella's face.

"What's going on?"

"You're son just dumped me"

"He just _what_?"

They didn't get to talk about it before Steven had joined them in the office. It wasn't really a subject they could talk about with Steven in the room. Stella smiled at him before softly saying "Hello"

"We're leaving in a bit. You want to go for a ride?"

She did, strangely enough. Was that wrong? Stella felt deep down inside that it was probably wrong on so many levels. She couldn't help it, Stella just really wanted to be on the back of a bike right now. Feel the wind sweep every bad thought out of her head and every bad feeling out of her heart. It was what Stella needed right now.

"Yeah why not" she said nodding her head. Gemma watched them walk out of the office and over to Steven's bike. Stella wasted no time tying her hair back and finding a helmet. Gemma wasn't the only one watching. Jax heard an engine idling and turned around to see Stella hop on to the back of Steven bike before they rode down on to the road. He had just dumped her and yet he still felt jealous and he couldn't help but feel that he had played right into Steven hand. Jax had just been played, like an idiot.

They didn't go far and didn't go anyplace special. They just rode through the street of Charming without a care in the world. This trip, this visit hadn't been easy on either of them. It pulled on the heartstrings and played with the memories in their minds, both good and bad. They both needed to feel free, luckily a motorcycle was good for that. They had smiles on their faces as they pulled into the auto shop, Stella lent on his shoulders as she hopped off the bike, she had too. The Tacoma guys were ready and raring to go. Something told Stella that Steven and her little joy ride had held them up.

"Don't be a stranger next time you're in Washington, You hear me?" Steven told her with a chuckle

"Yeah I'll plan a trip soon. Go visit Koz, say hi"

Steven looked at her confused for a second before asking " Stel, what are you talking about?"

"Well you took him back to Washington, right? Buried him with his family back home"

"No Angel, he's not" Steven said brushing her hair back behind her ear " He's in Charming, close to you. They didn't tell you that?"

"No" she said fire in her eyes but ice in her voice. They said goodbye before Stella marched into the clubhouse, Clay saw her face and knew the jig was up. She finally knew the truth and he didn't want to be in the warpath. He slowly turned and went to calmly walk away but she saw and it was too late. "Stop!"

Clay froze on the spot

"Turn"

Clay did what he was told "Princess.."

"No! Where is _he_?"

"Church" Clay said before walking away and fast. He really didn't want to be here when Stella went off, because quite frankly it was really scary. Stella took a deep breath before opening the doors to church. Both Tig and Jax saw the look on her face, a mixture of anger, disappointment and betrayal. The last time either of them saw her she was on the back of Steven motorcycle. They were both certain that Steven had told her their secret.

"He's been _here_ the whole time?"

"Princess..."  
>"No, we said when I came back after I found out about Daddy, we said no more secrets and no more lies. That was the deal Alex"<p>

"I didn't lie, I just let you believe what you wanted to believe"

"Does telling yourself that help you sleep at night?"

"You'd be surprised"

Stella wanted to laugh, the side mouth turned up a little but she stopped herself before she could laugh. She wanted to be pissed at him, why couldn't she be angry at him for longer than five minutes?

"Where is he?"

"Not far from your parents" he admitted before Stella turned on her heels and walked out not saying another word to either of them. She stalked over to office and found that her car keys were missing. She looked on the board and on the desk lifting papers as she went, but found nothing. Stella frowned before placing her hands on her hips.

"Piney?" she called out

"Yeah Honey"

"Have you seen my..." she didn't finish her sentence because Piney was holding them up in the air "Can I please have my keys?"

"No"

"Piney!"

"The only way you are getting those keys, is if you calm down. You're not driving while you're this pissed off. You do yoga; find your core or whatever"

"My centre. Find my centre"

"Whatever. Do that"

He watched her close her eyes and take a deep breath. Suddenly her shoulders relaxed, she stretched her neck and then opened her eyes again. She hadn't found inner peace but she was less angry. Piney dropped the keys in her hand.

"He was only trying to protect you"

"I know and I'll forgive him, eventually" she told before walking to her car. She saw Jax walking towards her; suddenly Stella lost her centre again. "Don't even try. You knew and you went along with it"

"Why would I want to put you through that?"

"Yeah you're right. Why would you put me through that when you had your own motives? Right, Jackson?"

"Stella..."

"Get out of the way"

"Where are you going?"

Stella spun around and looked at him stunned and annoyed. There was only one answer to that question

"To see my Fiancé"

He watched helplessly as she hoped into her car and sped off. This had been the craziest day and something told him that it was going to be a long day.

Stella found her parents and soon after that found her man. She didn't know what to do. Did he talk to the head stone? If she thought want she wanted to say in her head, would he hear her? She settled for sitting in front of the gravesite and just being there. The only thing she said was

"Sorry it took me so long"

That's where Clay found her, just sitting in silence with her man. God only knew what was going on in her mind at that point.

She looked up at Clay gave him a quick smile before looking back at the headstone. He sat down next her on the ground. Stella secretly wondered how the old man was going to get back up.

"I cannot believe he has been here the whole time"

"Baby it's not him. The thing that made Kozik who he was disappeared a long time ago. This is just a rock with his name on it"

"I know that Clay. Do people think I am that dense? Trust me I know he is gone but does that mean I can't miss him. Miss us"

"If they told you that he was here Stella you would have been here every single day. You know it and we know it"

"That's beside the point. I hate when you guys keep stuff from me, club business not included. I don't mind being in the dark about that but this is different, this actually hurts. I know I am sounding like a total girl right now but it's true"

"It's okay. You can sound like a girl, you are one after all"

They sat without saying a word for a while. What could they say that hadn't already been said? After sometime the sky was starting to darken and Stella said out of the blue.

"Clay, what should I do? How do I get past this? I mean I try and I think I get over it as much as I can or as much as I have too and then he's favourite song will start playing or.."

"You'll see he's model bike drive past you on the road"

"Yeah and I'm back to where I started. I just want it to stop. I actually do want to move on, dispute what everyone may think"

"I know that Princess. The loss is always going to be there but the one step that you're forgetting is to forgive yourself. I know it's hard but you did what did to protect your family. You did what anybody else would do"

It had never entered her mind to forgive herself for pulling the trigger. Stella knew that there was something's that just couldn't be forgiven. Stella took a deep breath and finally stood up off the ground and turned to face Clay.

"You need a hand, old man?"

He looked up and chuckled before telling her "Watch it, Muchkin"

Muchkin was something that Opie always called her, mainly because of the height different between them. She hated it as a kid but had loved it these days. Stella held out her hand for his and helped pull Clay up off the ground.

"You okay?" he asked as they walked to her car

"I will be"

She was kind of lost at what she should do. Go back to the clubhouse? No, she was still too pissed to see them. Go see Gemma? They would only talk about Koz or Jax dumping her earlier that morning and Stella wasn't up for that, either. Stella felt like the remedy for her day was a book, a hot bath and a huge glass of wine. That was the answer to all troubles, right now.

He knew that she was probably just going to yell at him again but he just had to check on her, see if she was alright. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door, before he knew it Stella, his princess, was standing in front of him in tight jeans, white tank and a white kimono jacket that use to belong to her mother. Her hair looked intensely red and curly, with the light right behind her.

"Hi" she said quietly.

"Can I come in?"

"Of course"

They stood there looking at each other before she hugged him tight and he knew he was forgiven. He couldn't stand having Stella angry at him a second time around, he had barely made it through the first time she stop talking to him, after she found out about her father. Not that he blamed her.

"I'm sorry" she told him, muffled by their hug " It's just been a difficult few days and I took it out on you"

"I should have told you but you have to know that, we're your family, Stella. We do things to protect you, not to hurt you" Suddenly she chuckled and smiled "What?"

"Someone told me the very same thing a few days ago"

"Their right"

"Yes they are, plus where is buried here or Tacoma doesn't change the fact that he is gone. I have to take a step back really focus on moving on. I loved him and he loved me but just because his life ended doesn't mean mine has too"

"How did you get so smart?"

Stella shrugged her shoulders and smiled. She figured from this point on, the only way is up. Stella was more than ready for that. She could choose to live in the darkness of her past or live in the light of her future and Stella was choosing the light, she needed the light.


	16. Chapter 16

No one had spoken about it since Stella had found out the truth, not since that day. Not even Stella and Tig, which if he was honest, worried him a little. That said, things weren't exactly back to normal either. She had been keeping her distance a little, when she didn't work, she was at home and when she was there with her guys, she was less affectionate. Stella hadn't forgiven them completely but she was trying to act like she had. Stella had this habit of not showing the way that she really felt, she felt that it made her look stronger but she couldn't hide the truth in her eyes. That light that shone on through was slowly dying. That was what Tig had been paying attention too. Both Clay and Tig watched her walk across the lot, in Daisy Duke's and a long sleeve Henley and killer high heel sandals, that looked like they should be from the seventies.

"How she holding up?" Clay asked him

"Wish I knew. She says she's fine"

"But?"

"She still pissed, not that I blame her. I think she has all this anger and she's just stuck it with all the stuff about her dad, she keeping it locked up, it's like a freakin' time bomb, man"

"You waiting for the day that it's going to go off?"

"Yep and it's going to be epic, Clay"

"Until then?"

"Play along even though it's killing me"

One person who Stella hadn't changed with was Gemma. Stella and Gemma were having a good laugh in the office; Juice could hear them from a mile away. When he finally got there they were basically on the floor.

"What so funny?"

"Nothing" they both said with tears falling down their cheeks. Somethings were better off chopping down to _women's business_ and moving on, especially when it came the two girls.

"Where are those repo orders?"

Gemma got up from her seat and walked over to the filing cabinet before handing them to him. She glanced through the window and saw Clay talking to some guy. Dark hair and damn good looking

"Who's that?"

"I don't know, one of Chibs friends from Dublin. Liam Mc-something"

Stella head flew up from the tax invoices she had been studying, looking over at Juice surprised

"Liam McBride?"

"Yeah I think so"

Stella rushed over to the window and moved the blinds to get a better look. A smile rushed over her face that lit up the room before she hurried out the office door. Juice and Gemma watched her go.

"He's here for her. Isn't he?"

"That would be my guess, Sparky. Wouldn't you be?" Gemma said watching Stella across the lot. She calmed herself down and was almost nonchalant when she reached them.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Liam McBride"

All the guys looked surprised to see that they knew each other, everyone but Chibs who just chuckled. It only took Liam two steps to meet her. They smiled at each other before Liam wrapped his arms around her and pulling her up off the ground, as she giggled and held on to him. Clay smirked and looked over to see what Tig's reaction was to the middle height, dark hair, deep brown eyed Irishman that Tig's Princess was currently wrapped around. Tig was confused until he saw the tattoo was the strangers right wrist. A fleur de lis. The exact fleur de lis that was on Stella wrist. Liam was the mystery guy Stella went to Paris with, the one that she was always reluctant to talk about , which meant she really care about him.

"So you two know each other then?" Clay asked

"Nah, this is Liam's general effect on women. It's either this or he says hello and they automatically lay on their back"

"Man has skills" Chibs told them as Liam set Stella back on the ground, turned her around and wrapped both of his arms around her shoulders.

"Where you staying?" Clay asked, knowing the answer. Stella answered before anyone else could.

"You're staying with me"

"Thank you, Baby" Liam said kissing her cheek. Jax rode into the lot. Liam was under major scrutiny by the prince, not that anyone knew it. Liam was putting his stuff into Stella's car when Tig went to check up on her. She hadn't quit smiling since she had seen Liam. She turned and saw the concern on Tig's face.

"What's wrong?"

"You okay with this? Him staying with you"

"Yeah. To tell you the truth I have a lot of explaining to do. I jumped into a relationship, I had no business being in. It was straight after everything that happened here and I confused the heck out of him. I need to say some apologies"

She was ashamed of herself, he could see it in her.

"I don't think you've anything to worry about. He's here, isn't he?"

Stella nodded her head, smiled

"Yeah he is here"

"You coming back tonight?" he asked playfully nudging her. She had missed the past few Fridays at the clubhouse, he had missed her

"Of course it's Friday isn't it"

Jax might have been watching Stella and Liam intently but his step father had been watching him. Of course Clay knew the full story behind Stella and Jax. Gemma had told Clay about everything, if he was honest Clay was pleased. Once he found out it made all the sense in the world for them to be together. Of course Clay hadn't told his friend Tig about any of it. Clay didn't want a murder on his hands. Clay walked up behind Jax and surprised Jax when he said

"You should have held on to that one when you had the chance. Women like her don't come along often"

"Of course my mother told you"

"Jax, you don't get to be pissed or jealous right now. You ended it, you live with it"

"What was a suppose to do Clay? I'm not Kozik. I'm not the one she wants to be with, not really"

"But son she was with you. She was willing to give it a shot. I went through the same thing with your mother; I was forever in your dad's shadow but look at us now"

Jax nodded his head and lit a cigarette. They watched as Stella and Liam playfully fought over the keys to her cars, Stella hid them close to her body, protecting them from his hands. He started to tickle her which made her squealed like girl but didn't loosen the death hold grip on the car keys, so Liam eventually gave up and let her drive.

Stella left Liam at her place to sleep at least some of his jet lag and went to the clubhouse to stock the bar. Heaven forbid the bar was dry midway through the party. The whole world would stop and the guys wouldn't know what to do with themselves. Stella tied her hair back and unpacked a few boxes. She turned the music up and got to work. She didn't notice Clay and Tig walk into the room. She was crouched behind the bar as both guys walked up to it.

"Ditched your Fella already?" Clay asked her

Stella jumped out of her skin and fell on her arse "Jesus!"

"Normally I go by Clay"

"From now on you're going by, Smartarse"

Both of the guys laughed before she got them a beer each.

"So where is he?"

"At my place sleeping"

"Wore him out did ya?" Tig asked with a smile on his face. She blushed a little, smiled and shook her head.

"No! He is jet lagged. What type of gal do you think I am?"

"Okay A) Jet Lag isn't an excuse and B) I know what type of gal you are. Very well in fact"

She rolled her eyes again and went back to restocking the bar. Stella really didn't want to go down into the basement and carry up heavy boxes up a flight of stairs, in high heels none the less. She really hated the thought. Suddenly one of the prospects jogged into the clubhouse and towards them.

"They arrest Juice"

They all looked at him in shock and awe.

"Why!" Clay demanded

"Went through a red light"

"That's it?" Stella questioned "It's gotta be Stahl. I'll go bail him out"

She grabbed her bag and headed out the door. Stella felt like kicking Stahl's bony arse. She was clearly grasping at straws; they didn't arrest someone for running a red light, not unless they were drank which Stella could guarantee that Juice wasn't. Stella jumped into her car and sped down to the police station, running a few red lights herself just to be a smartarse and make a point. No one picked her up for it, amazingly. She pulled into the parking lot of the police station, slammed her door and marched up the front steps ready to rip someone a new one. She walked down the hallway and down to the main office, where Agent Stahl was standing waiting for her.

"You are truly pathetic, you know that?" She shot at Stahl " You pick him up for a red light? For what? Hoping you can get some fictional information out of him. He doesn't know anything"

"It was a traffic violation"

"I'm sure it was"

Stella felt someone brush her arm as they walked by. It was Officer Candy.

"I'll go get him"

"Thanks Candy"

"Is this your job within the club? Stella McKenzie bail poster"

"No, I just don't like seeing my guys in the hole for no apparent reason or any reason for that matter"

"Where do you get all the money? Admin at the shop doesn't pay you enough"

"My parents left me money, for emergencies. I'd say that my family being arrest is a pretty big emergency"

Suddenly she felt two arms wrap around her and lift her off the floor, Stella just giggled. Before asking Office Candy

"Can I take him home, Candy? It's Friday after all"

"God forbid you two miss Friday night" Candy said clowning around with them.

"Exactly!" Stella and Juice said in unison.

"Bikes still in the impound"

"What?" Juice said frowning

"Don't worry. You can drive the Porsche"

"Wow, I should get arrest more often"

"Please don't" Stella said handing over her keys. They walked out of the station, like nothing could touch them. Which boil Stahl's blood.

Later that night Jax sat over in the corner and watched as Liam walked over to Stella and held out his hand for hers. She frowned playfully at him before an upbeat song played throughout the place. She smiled at Liam and looked down at the ground before shaking her head and standing up. She continued to shake her head as the made their way to a free space in the clubhouse. They moved away to dance to a fast samba, not that Jax knew that was what they were doing, all he knew was that they were close, very close. Their feet, their knees and thighs. Liam turned her into a close embrace as their hips moved together to the music. He turned her under his arm and he spun her back so that Stella was facing him, pressing her closer as the music got faster. There was a big ole smile on her face and she started to laugh, Stella beamed with happiness.

"Did you know she could do that?" Opie asked Jax, sitting down next to him "Dance like that?"

"Looks more like foreplay to me, Man"

"She's never had a problem making men fall for her. Liam is just one of many"

"Tig" Jax called out " You okay with him pushing up on her like that?"

Tig looked back at Stella and saw how happy she was

"Boys, when was the last time you saw a smile like that on her face?"

They all looked back and Liam stretched out their arms into an over dramatic tango pose, which basically had Stella falling on the floor with laughter, before Liam spun her around again. Jax watched them walked over to the bar and Stella got a glass of wine. _Wine?_ Jax didn't even know that Stella liked wine but Liam did. She was wearing a flowery dress, since when did she do that? What was with this guy that made Stella change so much.

While Jax was scrutinizing Stella and her new Beau, Stella looked outside to see Tig and Officer Candy Eglee, she frowned amused, were they flirting? She watched for a little while longer and chuckled when Officer Candy walked away. Tig and a law enforcement officer, now she had seen everything. She slowly walked up behind him fully knowing that he didn't know she was there.

"Bye, Office Candy. Mwah" she said before making kissy noises "You and an officer. Kinda kinky, Alex"

Stella was so happy she was practically bouncing, she was smiling and she was bright, with playfulness in her eyes.

"Look at you. An Irishman comes to town and you become giddy. What's gotten into you... Wait. Please, do not answer that. I don't want to know"

"He's a good guy Alex. Liam makes me laugh, makes me happy"

"I can see that. Makes a change"

"Feels good"

"That would be the alcohol starting to work"

The breeze picked up around them and blew Stella hair back before she closed her eyes. The breeze normally set people off and turned them crazy, it had the opposite effect on Stella. It calmed her down. Tig studied her for a short time.

"The road is calling you again, isn't it?"

"A little" she said opening her eyes and smiling at him "But not yet. I can't leave you with Officer Candy"

"According to you, I can't be left with any woman"

"That's cos I don't like sharing you and you're mine. Sorry if I'm the jealous kind"

He wrapped his arm around Stella's shoulders and asked her quietly

"You're going to be okay, aren't you?"

She could read between the lines. The question he was really asking was _we're going to be okay, aren't we?_ When she first found out that they had kept Kozik burial a secret, she truly wanted to forgive them for it. She meant the words she had said to him that night. She did want to forgive them and she knew what they did was only to protect her, but it had been harder in the light of the next morning. She had placed those walls up around herself and she had kept them up.

"I'll work through it. We'll get through it"

They stood there in silence, not having to say anything more


	17. Chapter 17

Stella's laughter had been nonstop since Liam reappeared in her life. She was always laughing but it had been taken up a notch. She was still a little distant, not as affectionate but she was smiling and happy. Liam and Stella had been joined at the hip, even when she was working. It was pretty clear that Liam wasn't going anyway and Stella's guys were okay with that. The business that the club did, Liam knew when to look away. He wasn't a Newbie, he knew the guys in Belfast, that was where he met Chibs. If anyone asked Liam knew nothing and that worked for everyone. Gemma threw a dinner to welcome their guest that was becoming like a piece of the furniture. Gemma, Lyla, Stella and Ellie were dancing about the kitchen as they cooked singing _Walking On Sunshine _. When Liam walked into the kitchen Stella was twirling Ellie around in circles. He leant again the wall and watched Stella have a good time. She was a dancing fool and she looked ridiculous.

"I'm missing all the fun"

Stella spun around and jumped into his arms. He joined in on the fun and danced with Stella even though her feet were off the ground.

"Are you guys always like this?" Lyla asked them

"Pretty much" Liam answered not looking away from Stella.

"We once did a tango in Starbucks, in Dublin"

"You what?"

"We were bored" Liam explained.

The girls laughed imagined the scene; it was something they would have never pictured Stella doing. Clearly this guy was pretty magical.

When the rest of the troops turned up Stella was in the living room with Ellie, singing and dancing to Stevie Nicks. _He was no more... than a baby then. Well he... seemed broken hearted...Something within him,but the moment... that I first laid...Eyes... on... him... all alone...On the edge of... seventeen_. Tig watched for a second or two. She had gotten so much off Savannah in such a short amount of time. Stella probably didn't remember it but Stella and her mother used to do the exact same thing. He smiled and pinched her backside as he walked past. She jumped in surprised and spun around to see who it was before smiling.

"Oops, I can't do that when the boyfriend's around, can I ?"

"He's not my boyfriend and you probably could because he is kinda scared of you"

"Really?"

"I keep telling him, he has nothing to worry about but he doesn't believe me. You must be scary or something"

"Me?"

"Apparently you're intimidating. I mean, I don't see it but that's what he says"

"That's what he says"

Things had seemed to go back to normal between them. Tig didn't know how they did, but it had happened but then again it always seemed to happen between them.

"Hey, Dancing Queens" Gemma called through the kitchen "Dinner's ready"

They all sat down at the table and got into it. Stella sat in between Liam and Lyla. Jax was sitting on the opposite side to Stella and Liam. He hated how Liam was constantly touching her, either having his arm around her or his hand was on her knee. He was all of her. Stella felt Jax's eyes on her the whole time and she choose to ignore it but the longer it went on the harder it was to ignore by the end of the meal. She felt the heat of his glaze and felt the anger bubble. Stella couldn't take it anymore; she hopped up from the table, picked up her wine glass and brushed Liam's shoulders as she walked past him. She walked into the kitchen to refill her glass and she rolled her eyes when she saw Jackson had followed her. She took a deep breath and stared at him. It was the look that normally stopped a man in his tracks.

"You need to stop, I swear to god"

"Stop what?"

"Watching me. It's creepy and people are going to catch on. Liam is going to catch on"

"I hope he does"

Stella looked at him astonished. She shook her head and put the wine bottle back in the fridge.

"Jackson you broke it off with me. I don't have time for your mucho crap and even if I did, Liam was before you"

She went to walk past him and joined the fun again when Jax grabbed her elbow and stopped her in her tracks. She looked up at him enraged and raised her eyebrows, silently telling him to remove his hand. He didn't.

"Liam, Opie, Kozik and even _Kyle Hobart_ got in before I did. Somehow I think that says a whole lot more about you then it does us, Stella"

She pouted at him trying to figure out if she had actually heard him correctly and that he had actually implied what she thought he had just implied. Stella slapped him as hard as she could. Harder then she had hit any man, which was easier since he was holding her so close

"Jackson Teller, Patron Saint of Virtue. Who knew?"

He finally let her pass by but not before asking one last question

"Did you give him this much trouble?"

Stella finally smiled knowing that the _him_ in question was Kozik, who else could it have been. She remembered the fights they had and the amount of times she had slapped him and enjoyed it.

"I gave him worse trouble then you can believe and he took without question. Somehow I think that says more about you then it does about him"

Subtext was, he was a better man than you are, and you can't even compare. Stella walked out of the room. She walked and sat next to Liam who bundled her up in his arms and kissed her, which plastered a huge smile on her face. Suddenly she forgot all about what happen in the kitchen, it all melted away, it all didn't matter anymore. Gemma had heard the slap but then again Gemma was closest to the kitchen. She discreetly excused herself taking dirty plates into the kitchen. Jax was getting ice out of the freezer.

"What did you do?"

"She hits me and it's my fault?"

"What did you say?" she said taking the ice from him and wrapping it in a towel

"I not so subtly called her a whore"

Gemma grabbed his face and stuck the ice on the welt on his cheek knowing that it hurt, a lot.

"Well that's a great way of getting her back"

"I'm not getting her back. Liam has his hooks in her and he is never going to let her go"

"Jackson, whose fault is that,?"

"Ma, please don't. I know okay? I know I screwed up"

"Good, then tell her. Show her because guarantee, she still feels the same way. Fight for her, Baby. If you want her, fight for her"

"How?"

"The truth" Gemma said before walking out. Jax wondered how the heck the truth was going to help. He waited the swelling had gone down on his face before joining everyone at the table, but Stella was gone.

What he didn't know was she was sitting on the front step outside, cracking open a new pack of cigarettes. She had a lot on her mind Jax and Liam, mainly. Was Jackson right? Stella had been with her far share of guys, probably more than her fair share. Did anyone else think of her in the way that Jax did? Was she easy? Was she a whore? Did it matter? She didn't regret sleeping with any of them, well maybe sleeping with that guy in Shawnee that beat her up but no one else, not even Kyle Hobart. What did that say about her?

"You okay?" Bobby asked standing behind her. She turned around and smiled before he sat beside her.

"Yeah, I just have a lot on my mind"

"Guy stuff?"

"Is there another kind?" she asked with a smile before taking a drag of her cigarette

"Do you love him?"

"Who?" she asked alarmed

"Liam"

"I could if I let myself"

"Then why don't you?"

"I'm sacred Bobby" she admitted "If I let myself fall in love with him. If I realise what he means to me, something is going to happen to him and I don't want anything to happen to him. I couldn't handle it. I can't handle anymore"

"Honey, nothing is going to happen to him"

"Bobby.."

"Sweetie, listen to me, okay? Life is too short for you not to love him with all your heart, if that's how you feel about him and don't listen to Jax"

She looked over at him shocked and embarrassed before looking away quickly

"You heard that?"

"Walked past at the right moment"

Stella shook her head and couldn't look at him. One more person knew about herself and Jackson, their secret wasn't much of a secret any more

"He has a point, Bobby"

"No, he doesn't Stella. You travel a lot and it's lonely, some days you just need company. You're a good girl and you're freakin' beautiful, so of course you're going have guys lining up for you and there is nothing wrong with that. Jax is beating himself up because he's a moron and he is just taking it out on you. Keep in mind it can't be easy for him to see you so happy with Liam. To see a stranger make you as happy as Jax wanted to make you but couldn't. Stel, I'm not saying he was right and good hit by the way but don't be hard on him. He is going through a lot"

Stella nodded her head and finished her cigarette before standing up and then helping Bobby up.

"Tomorrow I think I might go to the range and shot some shit because that was too touchy – feely for my liking"

"I can go? My life has turned way too touchy – feely right now."

"Deal"

They both walked back inside excited about their adventure tomorrow. Stella sure needed to blow off some steam and a firearm was a perfect way to do it.

It took all day for Jax to knock on her door. This woman scared the crap out of him when she was pissed. Stella was the same as his mother that way. She opened the door with a smile on her face, a smile that quickly fell once she saw it was him.

"No" she said closing the door but Jax stuck his foot out and stopped the door. Stella looked down at his foot and back at him "Move it or lose it, Jackson"

"Stel, hear me out"

"You want to talk to whore?"

"Stel let me in"

She did it in the hoped that he would leave quickly if she did. He hated the fact that she refused to look at him. She looked everywhere else, she was so angry Stella couldn't even look at him.

"Where's Liam?"

"Out with Chibs. Did you come all this way to ask me where Liam is?"

"No" he said lightly holding her face in his hands before kissing her. Stella fought him for a few seconds before her defences slowing melted away. "I'm sorry"

"Jax, you can't do that. Not anymore, it's unfair to Liam"

"I know. I'm sorry just need to get the point across"

"Point taken" she said as he rested his forehead on hers "This isn't over, is it?"

"Nowhere near"

"Goddammit Jackson. What am I meant to do now?"

"I don't know. I don't mean to complicate your life"

Stella walked over and fell on to the sofa. As much as he hadn't wanted to complicate her life the simple fact was that he had. He sat next to her and moved her engagement band back and forth on her finger. She knew what Jax wanted her to do but she couldn't dump Liam, it was too hard and he really cared for her. He hadn't even tried to sleep with her yet, not wanting to pressure after hearing the full story of the past few years. She couldn't do it. Stella lent over and kissed him on the cheek

"I'm sorry Jax. I can't. I can't do that to him"

"I knew you were going to say that but had to see anyhow. I guess I'll have to go back to admiring you from a far" He joked, although she didn't think it was funny "Become Jackson Teller, Patron Saint of Virtue"

Stella laughed before shaking her head.

"There isn't actually a Patron Saint of Virtue. The Female Patron Saints are recognised for their virtue, that's why they were saints of whatever. I think. I don't know about the men " Jax just smiled at her "What?"

"See, you make me smarter"

Stella chuckled brushed the side of his face with the back of her hand. Suddenly all Jax could hear in his head was his mothers' voice If_ you want her, fight for her_. That was the whole reason he come around to see her. To fight for her, convince her that they were a good idea. Tell her the truth about why he broke it off. He didn't want to share her with a dead man; the irony was that now he was sharing her with an Irishman. He was sharing her either way. He gently took her hand away and pulled her closer to him so she was sitting on his lap and kissed her. Even though she had told him to stop a few minutes before Stella kissed him back like her life depended on it. Her white kimono fell off her shoulders and draped at her elbow and she didn't want to stop even though she knew that Liam would be home soon. It felt good to be wanted, to be there with Jax. They heard a car slam on its breaks down the road and that was enough to break them out of their trance. She pulled back and looked at him.

"You have to stop doing that" she said with a chuckle

"You don't really want me to stop"

"No, but we should"

"You're so much effort"

"Not the first time I've heard that"

"I can imagine"

Stella was completely confused about what to do. She had never had feeling for two different people before. Yes when she was with Parker and still in love with Koz but that wasn't exactly the same thing. Her love for Kozik always overshadowed her feeling for Parker, she just stayed with Parker because at first she was too stubborn to admit how she truly felt and then she felt guilty for cheating on Parker. It wasn't the same with Liam and Jax she was completely and utterly torn.


	18. Chapter 18

It was all dark and then suddenly she heard a loud _bang!_

Stella sat up in bed as fast as her body could go. She was breathing heavily and tried to calm her nerves. The hair at the back of her neck was sweaty and she felt like she was going to throw up. She thought she was getting better. She hadn't had a bad dream since Liam moved in; she thought she was actually getting some place. Then she had the nightmare to end all nightmares. She felt like she was healing, she was wrong. Liam walked into the bedroom and saw how shaken up she was. Stella's eyes were like saucers.

"Bad dream?"

"Yep"

He went and sat on the bed next to her, wrapped his arms around her and couldn't help but notice that her heart was racing.

"Take a deep breath" Stella did what she was told "And again"

"I'm sorry I'm such a basket case"

"I like my women crazy. Makes it far more interesting"

Stella let out a strangled chuckle but she knew it couldn't easy for him to watch her have dreams about another man.

'How did I get so lucky to find you at the right time?"

"Good Karma?"

"I highly doubt that"

He rested his hand at the back of her neck and rested his forehand on hers as she took another deep breath. The adrenaline was rushing through her body and she couldn't stop it.

"I'm going to go for a shower. Call me if you need me. Okay?"

Stella nodded her head and walked him walk out of the room. Only then did she fall back on to the mattress and cover her face with the pillow and cursing herself for being a horrible person. She couldn't help but think of the last time that Jax had been in her house and what they had done. How could she do that to Liam? She felt like she want the world to swallow her up whole but instead she got out of bed and made breakfast

Racked with guilt wasn't something Stella liked being, in fact she hated it. She had no clue how people had affairs. The fact that she was with Liam and make out with Jax only a few days ago was killing her. God made out? What was she fifteen? How stupid. She needed to make it up to Liam and stay away from Jax, which was easier said then done in Charming. She needed to get out of town. She walked into the bedroom which was now_ their_ bedroom and watched Liam finish getting dressed. A sight that she had happily watched since he walked back into her life. It was good viewing

"Hey" she said leaning against the doorframe "Do you have any plan for the next few days?"

"None that I know of, why?"

"Do you want to go to Vegas?"

"Yeah, why not"

"This afternoon? After I finish work?"

"Sounds good"

They kissed good bye as Liam walked out the door and Stella started to pack her overnight bag.

She was all giddy when she strolled into work an hour later. Her Scarecrow was sure that something was happening, that he didn't already know about.

"What do you have planned?"

She turned around and smiled "What makes you say that I have something planned?"

"Because I am me and you are you"

"Fine. Liam and I are going to Vegas after work. He has never been and always wanted to see what the hype is all about"

"And you've been restless"

"Exactly"

"Be careful"

"That's it" she asked confused, that he had no more questions. She shrugged her shoulders and got to work.

Jax had secretly watched her all day. People who didn't know what was going on or what had gone on in the past didn't notice it but the people who did know could see it as clear as day. Opie for instance. He had just about had enough by the afternoon and couldn't just stand by anymore.

"Man, You're like a love sick puppy. Stop"

"Have no idea what you talking about"

"She's with Liam accept that and move on. Seriously you're making me sick"

"She's not with him, not really"

"Don't mess with her head, Jax. Leave it be, I'm serious"

"We've got work to do"

Opie shook his head and knew this was going to get messy and he was going to have to clean it up.

She didn't hear him walk into the room but she sure did feel his hands on her hips as he stood behind her. She took a deep breath as she felt his nose brush the curve of her neck.

"Liam is right outside"

"I _really_ do not care" Jax told her quietly before boxing her in, with his arms and nuzzling her neck. She rested the back of her head on his chest and closed her eyes. Stella could have stayed there forever and been quite happy but her mind clicked over and she knew what they were doing was wrong, even though it felt so right. She quickly turned around and gently pushed him away.

"Stop"

"Stel.."

"No Jax. You keep doing this to me. Just stop. You're the one that wanted to go back to being friends. What? Now that someone else is playing with your toy, you're suddenly interested"

A very big smile ran across Jax's face before he asked

"You're my toy?"

"Shut up! You know what I mean"

"It's not that"

Stella shook her head, not believing a word of it. Stella went to walk past him but he gently grabbed her hand and pulled her back before kissing the life out of her. He picked her up and backed her up against a wall. They stay there like that for god knows how long. It was pretty clear that both of them wanted to be more then friends or at least their hormones did. Suddenly there was a knock at the door and they heard Liam's voice call her name

"Your bag is in the car"

"Okay. Thanks"

Suddenly Jax let her go and her feet found the floor but still chest to chest and pinned against the wall. She could see the hurt in his eyes and she hated it. She brushed his face gently with her hand.

"Where are you going now?"

"Vegas. Liam has never been to Vegas"

"For another three years. Five, ten? Jesus Stella"

"A couple of days. A week at a max"

Well at least he had just given her something to remember him by. Jax's hurt turned into anger and he let go of her pretty quickly and took a step back.

"Go on. Your boyfriend is waiting for you"

"Jax"

"Go"

She suddenly didn't want to leave, she wanted to fix this thing between them and she hated that he was pissed at her. Stella had never cared about that before now. She shook her head and walked out the door.

Tig was waiting by her car when she walked out of the office. She walked up and gave him a huge hug, the kind that told him that something was bothering her but she didn't want to talk to anyone but it. They pulled back and looked at each other

"_Don't _get married"

"Oh please" she said with a chuckle " That was so three years ago"

He didn't know why but it was only in that moment that he realized that she could have been married by now, if things had worked out with Stella and Kozik. She had told him years ago, he had seen Kozik's wedding around her neck, watch her throw her engagement ring into the backyard BBQ barrel but it was only now that is actually sunk in.

"You ready?" Liam asked

"Yeah"

"I'm driving"

"Bullshit you are. You are not getting behind the wheel of my baby" she said with a smile. They pulled out of the driveway and out on to the road as Liam changed the radio station, which she normally hated but somehow today, it didn't matter to her. She was about to have a stack of fun and that as all she cared about. The one thing Stella didn't know was that they weren't alone. They were being followed by Stella's number one fan.


	19. Chapter 19

Friday night Church as per usual. The big issue was gun distribution. They had done far too many charity run of late and law enforcement were beginning to take an interest. The last thing they needed was ATF on their asses, yet again. They seemed to come up against the same issue, same problems but they always need new solutions. They needed someone with a good head on their shoulders and she was in Las Vegas with the boyfriend. Even if she was in Charming Stella hadn't been interested in club business this trip around. Not that anyone blamed her; she got pretty deep in the shit last time. Friday's felt weird without her, everyday felt weird without her. By the end of the meeting they still need no answer to their problem but were sick of talking about it. They were just talking around in circle and it had begun to get heated. So they agreed to discuss it at a later date. Imagine their surprise when Stella was waiting for them at the bar.

"Aren't you might to be in Vegas" Clay called out

"Yeah well that was good while it lasted"

"Where's your man?"

"Bloody luck of the Irish, I swear to god. Our second night there he decides for kicks to play one of those giant slot machine. The prize was a Harley"

"He won it didn't he?" Chibs asked

"He did. He is riding it back tomorrow morning. That boy has more luck then an alley cat "

She poured herself a drink and turned up the music, before picking up a pool cue. They hadn't seen her this free and light in forever. She had silenced that restless gypsy inside of her and in the first time in a long time, the world wasn't on her shoulders, she had nothing to worry about. Before she set it all up Juice was by her side, with Opie not far behind. ACDC echoed through the air and Stella nodded her head to the beat, getting lost in the music. Suddenly she was playing air guitar with the pool cue and running the game. Vegas agreed with her. Life was prefect, if only for a short while. Ima watched her from afar, things had seemed to change since the last time Ima had seen Jax and Sella together. They barely could look at each other these days. Ima had this great plan to tell everybody about what she had seen. Expose the Prince and Princess relationship but then she actually started to think about it. Ima had been there the night the Emily Duncan and Stella exchange blows. Quite frankly Stella scared the shit of Ima and she didn't want to be on the bad side of her. Ima watched Stella slam down a shot and got back to her game. After Stella kick the guys arses at pool she decided to go see Gemma and say hello. Gemma didn't normally go to the Friday celebrations, so Stella jumped into her car and drove over with two coffees in hand. Gemma opened the door and smiled when she saw it was Stella.

"Hey Baby. You're back early"

"Mmm, long story. Coffee?"

"Yeah"

They sat at the dining table and Stella told her all about their adventures in Vegas and Liam major win. Gemma couldn't believe his luck and could only imagine all the guys falling over themselves to have a ride on that thing.

"What's been happening here?"

"Tara's back"

You could have heard a pin drop, Stella was shocked into silence. Her brain froze. The only thing Stella said is " Oh "

"He's not handling it well. You know how first loves can be"

"Yeah, it's hard to kick those under the couch" Gemma was fishing for information , Stella could tell by the approach Gemma had taken and she wasn't going to fall for it "What's meant to be, is meant to be right?"

"That's it?" Gemma asked

"What do you want me to say? Yes for a slipt moment me and Jax seemed like a great idea but for whatever reason he ended it and now I'm with Liam and he was free to be with Tara, if that's what he chooses"

Gemma looked back at her confused. She wanted to slap the both of them. Jax and Stella were prefect for each other, why didn't they see that? Why didn't they fight for that? Why were they both being so stubborn?

"Nevertheless could you do me a favour tomorrow? Jax needs to pick up supplies and he'll be on the road all day. He hasn't been sleeping and I'm worried. Could you go with him?"

"Gem.."

"Stel, I'm not match making I swear. I just want him to come back in one piece"

How could she say no to that? Stella nodded her head and agreed to Gemma's idea. If Jax hadn't been sleeping he shouldn't be on the road by himself anyhow. She'd hate if anything happened to him.

Jax hadn't been thrilled when his mother told him that Stella was coming along. They hadn't left things in the best way last time they had seen each other but his mother, ever the planner had something cooked up and Jax and Stella had been sucked in, with no escape. He was certain that Stella didn't want to be in that truck with him the whole day but one thing about Stella, she always did what was asked of her... Well most of the time. They didn't say anything to each other for the first hour and the fact that she was constantly messaging someone on her phone. Judging by the goofy grin on her face, Jax guessed it was Liam. She was really under his spell and Jackson wondered how Liam had done it.

"So is this whole trip going to be made silence, Jackson?"

"Can't think of anything to say, Stella"

He was still pissed at her because she left for Las Vegas but she refused to apologise for it. She did nothing wrong. They were in a shitty, messed up situation and there was nothing that they could do about it. They just both needed to move on and fast.

"This why us was a bad idea. Now everything is weird between us. We can't even talk anymore"

"You want to talk?"

"Yeah"

"You want me to tell you what's on my mind"

"Yes"

"Okay" he said nodded taking his eyes off the road " I'm thinking about is pulling this truck over and screwing your brains out"

Stella blinked at him shocked for second. She had never been told that before. Not so bluntly. Stella looked out the window and away from him, she walked a fine line between flattered and uncomfortable. She turned back to him smiling at him, trying not to laugh.

"Do you think it would help?"

Jax took his eyes off the road again and laughed " I didn't know it was option"

"Might be" she joked

"Don't think it would help though"

"I don't either" she said laughing "I can go if you want. If it's that problematic having me around, Jackson"

"Don't go"

"Okay"

Suddenly after that there was no tense and no underlining conversation, no elephant in the truck with them, just peace.

Jax was noticing she was singing a whole lot more lately, not that he minded, for a girl she was doing a pretty good job of a Led Zeppelin song. They were driving back into town and the sun had just about gone down, they had gotten the part that they needed, of course Jax could have done it himself but where was the fun it that. They looked at the normally desolate road ahead of them but they saw flashing lights of a police car and a few familiar bikes parked on the side of the road.

"Jax, pull over" she told him as a cold feeling ran through her whole body. He did as she asked and they both hopped out of the truck. They both walked down the slop as Clay, Tig and Unser looked up surprised to see them, knowing the she shouldn't be down there, she shouldn't see this. Stella looked down into the long grass and saw a black helmet; she slowly bent down and picked it up and saw the four leaf clover painted on the side, the four leaf clover that she had painted on his helmet, in Vegas two days ago.

"Liam" she utter so softly that Jax barely heard her. Stella dropped the helmet and walked towards everybody. Tig saw her and she saw the sadness in his eyes and she knew it was bad.

"Jackson, get her out of here!"

She felt Jax stepped behind her and his arm snake around her waist. She quickly and forcefully pushed his arm away, knowing that if they were taking her away from the scene, this wasn't just a bike accident.

"Let me go" she told him before taking a step forward. Suddenly Jax grabbed her and picked her up off the ground. Stella tried to pull away, tried to move his arm again but it wasn't working. She kicked her feet out, Stella tried everything she could. None of it worked

"Jax! Let me go!" she yelled thrashing around in his arms "Put me down, Jackson!"

He got them up the slop and pinned her against the truck as she continued to beg him to let he go. They both knew it was bad and both were thinking the worst.

"Babe, stop! You don't want to be down there"

"I do" she told him adamantly "I do. Jackson Please"

"Stella, I don't you to be down there"

She started to sob; he had never seen her sob before. He had seen her cry quietly, seen her hide the fact that she was crying but never seen her sob and lose control before. It churned him up inside. Stella crying so hard she started sliding down the truck, Jax had to hold her up. Suddenly she got really quiet and Jax started to have déjà vu from the day Kozik died and she sat comatose in his arms. Stella was just getting her second wind, she pushed him again, this time he lost his balance and she was free for about of ten seconds. Stella thought she was home free of, that was until Jax grabbed her by the arm roughly, somehow opened the door the truck and threw her in with such force Stella went flying across the cabin and bounced off the opposite door. He slammed his door shut before pointing at her.

"Stay there" he told her before turning his back and leaning against the door. He uttered a threat about Unser's handcuffs and Stella knew she wasn't going anywhere. Slowly but surely more police cars pulled up and the day turned into night. Police tape was placed around the site and Stella watched as they carried a black body bag down the hill. Stella was bouncing her legs up and down, running a hand through her hair, staring out of the windshield absentmindedly when Tig made his way over to the truck. She turned when she saw from the corner of her eye Jax moving away. Tig opened the door, held out his hand for hers before helping her out of the truck.

"Was he run off the road?" she asked straight away

"He was shot, Princess" She stared at him blankly

"That doesn't make sense. Why would somebody shot Liam? No one knew him here"

"We think it was because he was affiliated with the club"

He watched the tears well up in her eyes but she wasn't looking at him. She was focused on the action down the hill. They were zipping up that black bag.

"This is because of me"

"No!" he said stubbornly "This is not you"

"He was only affiliated with the club because I am. He was only here because of me, Alex"

"Don't you do that! He knew Chibs and he is connected to Belfast. Are you listening? Look at me"

Stella looked back to him.

"Why does this.." she couldn't finish her sentence he knew it would end with keep happening Stella rested her forehead on his chest before he hugged her tight. Jax watched them and they always seemed to amaze him, he had never knew a relationship like theirs. It was nurturing and supportive but then they had is whole other side which was flirtatious and secretive. They both had secrets that no one else knew about which were completely separated from club business. Tig and Stella were the ultimate mystery to anyone but them. Everyone else was on the outside looking in. Unser walked over to them, not long after

"We're moving out"

Stella looked over at the van before asking "Can I go with him?"

They both knew meant Liam, Tig look at her confused wondering why she was a glutton for publishment

"Princess.."

" I don't want him to be alone"

"Stel…"

"Please?"

Tig hesitated for a long moment before agreeing. He watched her walk away with Unser and shook his head before Jax stood by his side

"I'll follow" Jax told him "Pick her up, bring her home"

"Thanks Jax"

They both watched Unser helped Stella into the van and watched her sat next to Liam, before the doors closed. They watched them drive away before they moved on themselves. It was going to be a long night

When he pulled up at the hospital she was already sitting outside, staring absentmindedly into thin air again. He could only imagine what was going through her mind at that point. He sat beside her and held her because there was nothing that he could say to fix any of it. They sat there for a second before she took a deep breath. He reached over and brushed the hair out of her face as she continued to stare at nothing. Finally after what seemed like an eternity she finally spoke.

"I'm going to join a nunnery"

"Stel…"

She finally looked at him "This is exactly why, I didn't want us together, Jax"

He looked at her puzzled trying to figure out what one had to do with the other. They never knew with Stella because her brain was like a pinball machine, the way it worked. Finally he understood. The only thing that Jax and Liam had in common was Stella. He thought back to the accident site and what Stella has said to Tig.

"This was not you. Liam is not your fault"

"Bad shit always happens to the people around me. I'd hate to take Abel's father away from him" she said letting go of his hand and standing up. There it was. Stella was doing what she did so well, putting up that wall, keeping people out and he wasn't having it. He stood up and looked her straight in the eye

"Stella, stop it. This and everything before this was not your fault"

"How was Kozik, not my fault?"

"He pushed you into that and you were protecting me. This is the life we live and there are risks in our lives that other people don't have to worry about" She smiled because she remembered telling Kozik something similar, a few years back "Stop protecting me and stop pushing me away, Babe"

He pulled her into a hug, he could tell by how tightly she held on to him that Stella was still feeling as venerable as she was before he pulled up. She took a deep breath and tried to clear her mind, which was easier said than done. Stella didn't know how much more she could take of this life. Losing people was a part of it but Stella was starting to believe that she had lost more than her fair share, she had filled her quota for her life time. They had not realised it but Jax and Stella had an audience from inside the hospital. Tara watched through the window and couldn't help but notice that something had changed between Stella and Jax. They were closer somehow and Tara had no doubt just how close they had gotten. Tara had always had an inkling about the two of them and she knew that Kozik had felt the same way. Clearly they had both been right.

Later that night back to the clubhouse; the mood was sombre to say the least. Concern was written all over their faces and it was directed right at Stella. She had to escape it so she went outside to the swing set. Stella had no idea why it was that when awfulness struck her life, she always wont to go back to her childhood when they all wrapped her up in cotton wool and it felt like nothing could touch her. She finished her cigarette and rubbed that tattoo on her right wrist, the fler de lis she had gotten in Paris, with Liam. He should have stayed away; he should have stayed in Dublin. She shouldn't have gotten so attached. She shouldn't have slept with him in Las Vegas. Stella lit another cigarette and swung back and forth.

"What are you doing out here all by yourself?"

Stella looked up and saw Chibs walking towards her.

"Needed some space and some air"

"Not drinking?"

"Babe, if I drink tonight, I'll give myself alcohol poisoning"

"I get that" he said gently pushing her on the swing "How you doing?"

"Holding on"

"How you doing really?"

"Falling apart"

"He loved you"

"I know and I could have loved him, if I'd given him a chance, seems so stupid now. Why didn't I give him that? I didn't love him enough and I need a drink, you want one?"

"A giant one"

"Me too"

Jax walked into the clubhouse and couldn't see her, which worried him. She walked out of the basement with a bottle of whiskey in her hand, holding it around the neck.

"Thought you weren't going to drink?"

"Changed my mind. Woman's prerogative"

"Stel..."

She held her hand lightly of his mouth and shook her head.

"If you're about to say you're sorry or be impossibly sweet. Please don't because I am barely holding it together and if you do that, I'm going to lose it. So please don't. There is something I need to do"

Her hand brushed his arm as she walk past him. No one could help her now; She had to work through it herself.


	20. Chapter 20

Thanks to - **go4itgirl () & Kassey4221** – for the support and friendly advice. You gals have been with me every step of the way with this story and series. Sending you love and a big hug

Tig didn't bother knocking on her front door; he just used the key under the frog. He was stunned when she walked out into the living room. Stella looking totally different, Her hair was jet black again and given herself a thick fringe. She was wearing a white satin dress with black flowers scattered over it and black satin straps, black satin ribbon wrapped around the bottom hem of the dress. Tig blinked in amazement, she looked gorgeous. Stella looked at him staring back to her "What?" she asked zipping up her black knee high boots, checked her make up one last time "You were a redhead when you left the clubhouse last night, weren't you?" "Yeah I was and I didn't mean to cut off so much hair either, I just started hacking at it" "Wow" he told her "If I'm going to feel like crap, I'm going to look good doing it" "Mission accomplished" She hadn't wanted to tell him that she got no sleep the night before, because she was having nightmares about Liam and Kozik. They had calmed down since Liam walked back into her life. She felt safe with Liam, maybe that was the key to her dreams. She looked over at him and could see the he was worried and she had to smile. "Quit worrying Alex. I've been through worse" She said hugging him both loving that he cared so much, that he would worry and hating the fact that she made him worry. It was a fine line "How busy is the Auto-shop going to be today?" "Pretty bad. It's Saturday" "Good" was her only reply Stella got straight into work and wanted to keep as busy as she possibility could. That way she couldn't think about Liam and what happened too much. Whatever anybody needed done Stella offered to do it. They all knew what she was doing but they let her get away with it because it seemed to be helping in some way. No one mentioned the hair because they knew why she had done it. Stella had never been one to cry into her wheaties, over a bad day or anything for that matter. Somehow she always found her way of the darkness and she would this time, so they let her be. They just hoped she would stay away from bodies of water this time around. Stella had been avoiding going grocery shopping for weeks, Stella hated it and she didn't cook so there was really no need but somehow today to didn't seem to matter to her. Grocery shopping was the lesser of two evils. "Hey" she said to Gemma "I'm going to go to the store. You need anything" "No Baby. I'm fine" Stella nodded her head and before standing up from the desk and grabbing her bag and walking out the door. It wasn't long before she heard footsteps jogging towards her. She turned around to see Opie behind her "Hi" 'Hey" "Where you off too?" "The market" "Do you want company?" "You really want to come grocery shopping with me? Opie, I cannot think of any more boring for you to do. I love you but I don't need a babysitter" "Alright but you know where I am" "Thanks" "Stel?" he called out. She turned around and gave him a weak smile " You're going to leave again, aren't you?" "Haven't decided yet .We'll see where life takes us I guess" He watched her walk away and get into her car. He wasn't convince that Stella was as good as she was making out but if that's the way she wanted to be, he couldn't help but go along with it. ~ Strangely enough the grocery store helped her keep her mind elsewhere. Although she brought far more then she needed Stella stopped thinking of Liam and what had happened the day before, until she was on her way home and everything come back to her. She was determined to keep it together. Her emotions were not going to get the better of her. When she pulled up into her driveway, she saw a motorcycle park out on the street and it didn't look familiar and then she saw him sitting on her door step. She froze and her heart stopped, this was not good. Where was her scarecrow when she needed him? Stella took a deep breath and opened the door of her car. Yes a normal woman would have driven away from this situation but Stella wasn't a normal woman. "What are you doing here?" she called out, frowning at Álvarez. "No ill will. I promise" "Forgive me if I don't believe you, Marcus" "I understand that" "You have any idea what they will do to you" "Surprised Tig isn't here already" "Give him a second. I sent smoke signals" Álvarez stood up from the front and walked towards her "I'm actually here to help you, Mija" "How could you possibly help me Marcus?" "Your Irishman" Stella froze on the spot. Her tough exterior started to crack "What about him?" "I know who shot him. We were tailing Darby" Stella mouth dropped open as another motorcycle pulled into the street. She didn't have to wonder who it was, she already knew. "He followed you all the way to Vegas, Stella. For whatever reason he wants to hurt you and he found the perfect way. Darby followed your man back here and shot him" "He's insane" "That's an understatement, Princesa" Suddenly Tig was by her side and if looks could kill, Álvarez would be dead "Man, You're not this stupid" "The Mayan's saw Darby kill Liam" "What?" "He followed us to Vegas" "And you followed him?" Tig asked Álvarez before he nodded his head "This is why we need those guns" "Transport issues" "Is Darby going to get screwed over when you get your gun?" Stella asked both of them "Baby Girl we'll ran his business into the ground. I promise you that" Álvarez wholeheartedly "I'll do it. Transport the guns, I can do it" "Stella!" Tig said raising his voice. He had only done that a handful of time in her life time "Alex" "Get in the house, now" She stared at him in shock for a second or two before giving him the very same look he was giving her. She turned on her heels and walked inside her house pissed off, she dumped the bags in the kitchen and threw her bag in her bedroom and stomped back into the lounge room where Tig was waiting for her. She stared at him frowning. "How dare you Alex. How dare you do that to me" "What? Protect you?" "I'm a big girl" "That doesn't mean I don't want to protect you. You have given too much to this club already. I'm not going to let you give your life or a jail sentence Stella" "Just trying to help" "This is not you helping. This is you being reckless as per usual and it not going to happen. You do this every time, Sweetheart. I know you've had your heart broken again and again but it like more than anything else in this world, you want to be with them" "I do!" "What about your family that are still here?" "Alex, you're making me sound suicidal" "You said it, not me" "I want to do this for my family. You need to move those guns, I can move them without problem. The cops aren't going to think twice about me having suitcases in my trunk. They wouldn't even look inside them and if they ask I'll say that it's Liam's stuff. You have no other opinion and Alex, you know it. If I happen to screw Darby over in the process that is just icing on the cake" "I don't like it" "That much is abundantly clear but it's the only card you have to play" Tig was defeated and he knew it. Stella was making sense but that didn't mean he had to be happy with it. ~ None of the guys liked it. Somehow Stella had gotten it into her head that the Mayans were dependable, they might do business with them but none of her guys thought that they were trustworthy, especially with Stella. They wanted to follow her but she wouldn't let them. She had a point that it would make her stand out and they really didn't want her to stand out today of all days. She stood back as the guys loaded the suitcases into the back seat and trunk of her car, which made the back of the car much lower than the front. she was going to have to take it slow. Stella wasn't under any impression that she was driving into a safe situation, it was the opposite in fact. Clay and Tig were going to the first location to receive the money and then once Stella got the photo call she was going to hand of the guns, sure it sounded simple enough but a lot could go wrong in a short space of time and they were all too aware of it. "Okay" Tig said walking up to her "Do not under any circumstance touch the guns. if it looks like you're driving into a trap, drive right on by. if you need me, call. Do not try to handle it on your own. capisce!" "Since when do you say capisce?" "Stella, this isn't a game" "I know that" "Then start acting like it" "Sorry" "You're killing me" "Sorry. Stop worrying; it's a piece of cake. Just give me a call when you can the money, I should be just getting there when you do. I'll stop, give them their guns and call you on my way home, so you know I'm safe" Stella closed her trunk and went over to the driver's side and hop in. "Piece of cake, right?" "Piece of cake" she smiled at him before driving off. Why did he feel like it was the last time he was going to see her? She got the phone call just as she arrived at the location in the middle of nowhere which she guessed made sense but wasn't any less frightening. Stella took a deep breath and hopped out of the car. She said hi to Álvarez and opened her trunk. She didn't say a word as they check out the merchandise. "Hey Stella" "Yeah" Stella said as Álvarez walked toward her "Heard this morning that a car full of crank ended up in a lake on the way to Pope" "How did that happen?" She asked smiling "Reckless riders" Stella laughed and nodded her head. " Well no matter who they are. I'm thankful" "Thank SAMCRO for us" "No worries"

She hoped back into the car and turned on the engine before Álvarez called out her name.

"Yeah?" she called back putting on her sunglass

"Did you ever get payback for the day in the warehouse, three years ago? You're old man hitting you?"

Stella laughed out loud. She remembered that day that Kozik and herself unsuccessfully tried to get information out of Álvarez and his guys.

"Oh yeah, but then I made it up to him, how did you know it was me?"

"For a second or two I thought it was your mother, than I came to my sense. Knew it had to be you. I'm not likely to be forgetting that green dress, anytime soon"

"Thanks Marcus"

"Be careful"

"Will do"

Stella drove off down the road and called her Scarecrow so he knew she was alright. She hated to admit it but she enjoyed herself, it had been dangerous but she was enjoying the rush that came along with the danger. Stella could get use to this, in a big way.


	21. Chapter 21

Jax walked through her front door and couldn't miss the suitcases. This time jam-packed with clothes and possessions. She was on the run again. Stella did this every time. She thought that she healed better on the road, always moving, always on the go. The truth was that she didn't heal she just run away from the problem. It didn't work with her issues surrounding Kozik, the demons just followed her and still did three years afterwards. Jax doubted packing up and driving away would help matters regarding Liam but he also knew that if Stella had made up her mind, she wasn't going to change it. He walked through the house and into her bedroom. She turned around absentmindedly buttoning up her white blouse. Was she surprised that he was in her house? Yes. Should she be used to people walking into her house uninvited? Yes. Should she find another place for the spare key? Hell yes.

"What are you doing here?"

"Saw the suitcase"

"Jackson, you can't just walk into my house" she said quickly buttoning up her top

"Not like I haven't seen everything..."

"Stop. Shut up" He gave her the cheeky grin she now, knew too well "Something I can do for you?"

"Just wanted to check on you after yesterday"

She stood with her hands on her hips and frowned

"What about it? Everything went perfectly"

"Stel you were put into a situation you should have never been in"

"There was no other option and I placed myself there. Jax you don't have to wrap me up in cotton wool. I'm far more capable then you give me credit for"

She went to walk past him but he placed his hand on the doorframe, blocking her exit she looked up at him surprised

"You become an arms dealer, yesterday"

Stella placed her hands on her hips and couldn't help but feel like she was defending herself

"Jackson, if you haven't notice. It's kind of the family business"

"Doesn't mean I want you to be apart it"

"Lucky I am leaving then, eh?" she said with a bitter chuckle "Now are you going to move, so I can go to work?"

Jax reluctantly moved out of her doorway and watched her move past him and down the hallway into her living room, picking up her bag and moving into the kitchen. Filling her travel mug full of hot coffee and picking up her car keys.

"When are you leaving?"

"Tonight probably"

"That's sudden"

"Always is" she said opening the front door and waiting for him to walk through. When he did she locked the front door and almost ran into him when she turned around. He was still standing on her front step.

"Why now?"

"Feels right"

Jax chuckled before walking away and hopping on to his bike and rode off. She took a deep breath and rolled her eyes before hopping in her car and following him to the auto shop

When she got there the auto shop was in total chaos. She got that feeling in the pit of her stomach and her blood ran cold.

"Oh god" she said under her breath. She called out her car window to Gemma "What happened?"

"Ellie is missing?"

"What?"

"She ran away"

Stella stared at Gemma shock for a far second by drive off to parking her car and rushing over to Gemma in the office where Opie and Lyla were waiting. Stella rushed in and dropped her bag before placing her hands on her hips and asking

"Why did she run away?"

"She heard us talking about you leaving, she was upset and she took off this morning. Left us a note" Lyla told Stella holding back the tears.

"That doesn't make sense"

"Yeah it does" Jax said walking into the office "Ellie knows you won't leave, if she's gone and she wants you to stay. Maybe if you won't such a flake, left at a drop of a hat and actually thought about the people around you. We wouldn't be in this situation"

"You're putting this at my feet?" She asked outraged "I'm sorry but the world doesn't rotate around what the Prince wants"

"No, I'll leave that to the Princess"

Stella chuckled bitterly at him and shook her head. Opie, Lyla and Gemma watched them stare each other down before Opie stepped in.

"Guys, we don't have time for this"

"You're right. I'm sorry" Stella told him "Where have you guys been already?"

"Her friends' place, school"

"Checked she not with her Mama?" Stella asked him

"First place I went"

"She can't be far. We'll start looking" Stella told them before walking over to her car and racing off.

Stella got back to the club house two hours later but still no Ellie. Stella had been everywhere she could think of but Ellie was nowhere to be found. She poured herself a shot and took a seat at bar. What really bugged her was the Jax was right. She did leave at a drop of a hat, she didn't think of anyone else when she did. Ellie always got upset when Stella left. Why didn't Stella think of that before she packed her bags? Why didn't she talk to Ellie beforehand? Jax was right, it was Stella's fault.

"You okay honey?" someone asked her walking into the room. She looked up to see Piney

"Not really but it's not me I am worried about"

"She'll come home when it gets dark and she gets hungry"

"You sound so sure. I should have told her I was going"

"Did you know you were going to leave tonight?"

"No" Stella told him shaking her head

"Then how you tell her you were going to leave. Sweetie you travel. That's what you do. It's what you have always have done. Every time you show up here, we know you won't be here for long. It's just you"

"That's not an excuse. She's so little Piney, anything could happen to her. I have been everywhere I can think of, twice. I didn't find her"

"Stella at her age you were getting into fight at school and winning"

"Ellie is different. I wouldn't want that for her. I want better for her"  
>"And she wants nothing but to be like her Aunty Stella"<p>

Stella had always wanted to fix another people's problems. She always took them on herself and it wore her down, this was just one of the bad days. Jax swaggered into clubhouse, Stella saw him and downed her shot fast and after rolling her eyes.

"You found her yet?" he asked them

"Would I be drinking at noon, if I had?" she shot back. Stella hopped off the bar stool and went to walk past Jax before he stopped her by putting arm around her waist "What?"

"Stella I'm..."

"Don't worry about" she said removing his hand " I'm just a flake, anyway"

He watched her walk away and hop into her car. Okay so he put his foot in his mouth and it was unfair and Ellie running away wasn't Stella fault but it did feel good saying it. Jax turned around and see Piney studying him

"You two sleeping together?"

"We were but I was an idiot"

"You still are if you let a women like that walk away, Son"

"I know Old man, I know"

Piney poured him a drink and they both watched Stella scream out of the lot and down the street, changing those gears like her life depended on it.

Stella had nowhere else to go, so she went home. She just wanted to be away from Jackson. Why did he piss her off so much? She unlocked her door but then heard footstep running over to the other side of her house. She would have got her gun out if they had not sounded like little footsteps and Stella knew who it was. Stella closed the door behind her, dropped her bag at the door and listened again. She heard a door slowly creak. The only door in her house that creaked was her bedroom door. Stella smiled to herself before making her way do the hallway and walked into her bedroom. No sign of any little girls. Stella walked over to her built in wardrobe and opened the door to see Ellie sitting on the floor amongst all of Stella's shoes

"Well, hello little girl"

"Busted"

"Big time. Scoot over" Stella sat next to Ellie on the floor and wrapped her arm around Ellie's shoulders " I don't want you to ever, ever do that again. You'd had us all terrified"

"Well I don't want you to leave either but you're going too anyway"

"Elle.."

"No. You have no idea how much I miss when you're gone and I'm not the only one"

"It's what I've always done Elle"

"That doesn't mean you should always do it. If you haven't notice there aren't many girls in our family"

"And you're getting to the age when you really need women around but you have Gem and Lyla"

"But I want you here too. I thought if you and Jax got together, you'd never leave again"

"Honey, Jax and I were a mistake and it's complicate"

"I know that's what you guys say when you think I'm too young to understand anything but I'm not. You can talk to me if you need too"

"I know that Elle but for now how about we find Lyla and your Dad. Deal?"

Ellie nodded her head before Stella helped her out of the closet and drove back over to the auto shop with the girl of the hour.

She hadn't expected a visitor late at night while she was in bed but she wasn't worried when she felt a pair of arms wrap around her. Stella knew it was him. It was his way of apologising for calling her a flake and every other bad thing that had happened between them that day.

"Hello" she said still half asleep and her voice husky

"Hi. I thought you would be long gone by now"

"Decided I'd stay for a little bit, let Ellie and the kids get used to the idea" she told him turning over on to her back and staring up at him " You know what Ellie said to me?"

"What?"

"She thought if you and I were together. I'd stay. I'd never leave again"

"Maybe you should stay"

"No" she said straight away.

"Why?" he said frustrated. Why did she have to make things so difficult?

"I've never done that. I can't do that, I like to keep moving. You know that, that's who I am"

"Stella, I'm asking you to stay. Stay here with me"

Stella shook her and got out of the bed and walked to the other side of the room, trying to create as much space between them as she possibly could.

"Jackson I am messed up in the head. I'm still in love with my fiancé and I am as I've been told today, a flake"

"I'm sorry"

"You're right. I am but why would you want to be with someone like that"

"Because it is you and you're bound to the a little screwed up. You have Tig as a role model"

Stella chuckled and knew it was time to come clean about everything. She covered her smirk with her hands and pressed her lips together

"Not just my role model"

He saw the wicked smirk on her face, once she moved her hand. Jax frowned and everything about Tigger and his Princess made all the sense in the world. The protectiveness but intimate at the same time.

"When?"

"Eighteen"

"I don't know what to say to that" Stella laughed loving the part shocked, part disgusted look on his face " So he couldn't sleep your mother so he slept with her look a like daughter?"

"Umm" she said looking amused "Those who live in glasshouses, should not throw stones"

"What do you mean?"

"You almost slept with your _sister _"

'Half sister"

"Dude, it is still incest"

"Good point but it's not _the_ point" Damn, she hoped that talking him in circles would help her out of a sticky situation but it didn't " It sounds like you're taking to talk me out of this Stella"

"Maybe I am. I'm just trying to make you aware if we're crazy enough to do this, it's not going to be easy. Jax you didn't like being in Koz's shadow last time. Not much has changed"

Stella walked over to her bag and pulled out a cigarette. If there was a time for a smoke, it was now. If there was a conversation that she needed a smoke, it as this one. He watched the blue danced around her as she looked out the window. He couldn't see it but he could tell that she was frowning, deep in thought. Over thinking everything, that was Stella.

"You know what I think it is?" he asked, not waiting for a reply "You're scared it won't work. As you said before, it's been a long time since you felt this way and you want to say yes, to staying and trying to make this work but you're scared"

"I'm not scared, Jax. I'm terrified because I can't have any more bad luck, especially with you. That's why I fight you so much"

"I know that"

"Besides when Alex's finds out he is going to want to kill you"

"I know and I'll deal with it, when the time comes" he said with a chuckle hopping off the bed and walking towards her " Is that a yes to staying? Is it a yes to giving this a shot?"

Stella nodded her head " But I can't promise anything. I'm going to have to find a way to shut up the Gypsy in me "

"We'll figure it out"

She smiled at him "You make it sound so easy"

Jax thought that they had been through their share of bad luck, the both of them. Surely they were going to be fine but at least they were on the same page now. They could quitting fighting each other and just be together.


	22. Chapter 22

She suddenly was in a very familiar place. Stella looked around and knew she should know where she was but she got the distinct feeling she hadn't been there in a while.

"You seriously don't know where you are right now?" a voice said behind her. She closed her eyes and smiled before turning around and seeing him "I'm actually quite hurt that you wouldn't remember"

She rushed up to him, wrapped herself around him and buried her face in his neck

"These are my favorite dreams. I don't even care that there not real or a brain tumor. Maybe you just miss me"

"Every damn day, Baby"

She pulled back and ran the back of her hand over his cheek. He looked good. She knew it was just a dream but he looked really good. He placed her on ground and spun Stella around before wrapping his arms around her again and bringing her in close.

"You seriously don't remember this place?"

"I can't place it"

He pointed over her shoulder and off into the distance to an old stately home, now she was starting to remember.

"Is this the Millar's old place?"

She heard him chuckle and he kissed her on the cheek.

"We spent so much time here"

"Yeah" Stella said laugh "That's only because we had nowhere else to go. I hadn't told Alex about us yet. God, do you think that the Millar's ever knew we were here?"

"I'm guessing no, which is a good thing given what we used to do here, all the time" Stella playful hit his arm "Just saying"

They stood there together, Stella enjoyed every second of it because she knew that it wasn't going to last long and she wanted to remember it but she knew there was a reason they were there. Last time she had a dream like this was before Steven rode into town and she found out Kozik had been in Charming the whole time. What was he trying to tell her this time?

"Why are we here?" she asked him

"I need you to remember this place"

"Why?"

"This is where it all starts to unravel. I need you to be careful and take care of yourself" he told her as he placed his hands on her stomach "I need you to be safe"

"I don't understand"

"I know" he said spinning her around to face him "I know you don't right now but I promise Stella, you will. Sooner then you realize"

"Okay" she said uncertainly

"Trust me?" Stella nodded her head. Kozik rested his forehead on hers. "I love you"

Stella wrapped her arm tightly around him, not wanting to go. Not wanting to leave but also knowing that she didn't have a choice.

"I love you too"

Then they kissed for one last time before she got ripped away

She sat up in her bed and gasped. Stella looked down and noticed she was holding her stomach. Was it a clue? Was he trying to tell her something still? Or did she actually have a brain tumor and going insane? Stella couldn't think about it for too long before she looked over at the clock on her bed side table. It was ten and she was two hours late for work.

"Freakin' hell" she said to herself before flinging the cover off herself and jumping out of bed. Gemma was going to kick her ass but after a dream like that. It was so worth it.

Stella walked across the lot later that day and looked into the auto shop to see it open but empty, no cars and none of her guys. She frowned and pouted since she was confused but it explained why her work day had been really quiet. Her stomach started churn and she knew it was bad, no matter what it was. Stella took a deep breath before walking into the clubhouse to see a few of her boys huddled around the bar, looking at a map. She quietly walked in and stood behind the bar

"There on a single access road, so we can't really surprise them" Bobby told them. Stella looked at the map and chuckled before nodding her head.

"Is this the old Millar property?"

"Yeah" Clay confirmed "Now owned by the Niners"

"There is more than one road into this place"

All the guys fell silent and looked at her confused, looked at her for answers. She had to bite the bullet and tell them. There were a few things that were still secret and her life and this was one of them. It wasn't a deep dark secret but it was something she hadn't told them, for the simple fact that no one had ever asked and they really didn't need to know.

"There is another way in. At the back of the property a mile or two down from the creek, there is there is a bank of trees and an old dirt road. It's not big enough for a car but certainly big enough for a few bikes and far enough away from the house that they will not hear you coming. All the times we were there, the Millars' never knew"

"We?" Tig asked frowning at her

"Koz and me. We were together for three months before we told you. Trust me we did a lot of sneaking around"

"You did _what_?"

"Alex, I don't think that matter at this point does it?" she said not looking Jax in the eyes and avoiding him all together "Listen, all I am saying is, if you want the element of surprise. This is how you get it"

"Would you remember it? Could you take us?" Clay asked her

"Yeah of course"

"Hang on a minute. Three months you were lying to me"

"I knew what you thought about him and I didn't want to create drama. You two hated each other at that point. I knew what you would think. That he was using me and that I was too innocent and didn't know was I was doing "

"Damn straight"

"Listen" Clay said cutting them both off "You both can do this later. We have something we have to do. Jax, take Princess find out where this road is and do it quietly. Call us if it works and give us directions We'll be right behind you"

Jax took a hold of her hand and lend her outside to his bike. If she was uncomfortable with the tension in the clubhouse between herself and Tig, she was certainly uncomfortable with the tension between herself and Jackson. He placed the helmet in her hand rather forcefully.

"I should have told you"

"Babe, it's not that. Ever since you come back to Charming you have done everything in your power to stay out of club business and now you get a chance to take a walk down memory lane, you're all in. Nothing can stop you"

"That's not true"

"Stella, just get on the bike"

She did what she was told to do and had the long and most awkward motorcycle ride of her life.

Stella couldn't wait to hop off the bike once they got there. She basically jumped off it. She handed Jax the helmet and turned to walk away, before he pulled her back gently. She wasn't having any of it. She ripped her arm out of his clutches.

"Stella?"

"I never said this would be easy Jax. In actual fact I warned you about how difficult it was going to be. You all act like I want to be stuck in the past and granted I have my moments and I have my nightmares but I'm getting better. I don't drink as much as I use to and I haven't done drug in forever."

"Babe.."

"I'm not done. I know three years I was in the action pretty deep but they were extreme situations. With Alex gone and this trip around, with Darby and the kids, I never go into anything blindly. I never go in naive. I know I don't tell you everything and the truth is I never will tell you everything but for god sake, cut me some slack" When she turned around to face him, Jax had a thousand watt smile on his face and it begged the question "What?"

"Have you been sitting on that the whole way there?"

"Yes"

"You're so cute when you're angry" he said walking over to her and holding her close "Thank you for your help"

She watched Jax get his phone and she could feel that dread rise up within her. If he was calling them to check out the location that meant Tig was on his way and she really wasn't looking forward to explaining herself. She didn't see why it mattered at this point. Even if Kozik was still alive, she didn't see why it was an issue but the sad thing was that her Scarecrow was angry and she had to deal with it. She didn't say anything to Jax but she heard those motorcycles not far away she couldn't help the look of trepidation on her face.

"He is so pissed at me" she said quietly

"Babe he is just shocked. You're an open book to him and even the things you don't tell him, he knows. He'll come around, give him time"

"But it's not the only thing I'm lying to him about, is it?" She ran her fingers through her hair and couldn't help the tears welling up in her eyes "If he reacts like this about something small, something that doesn't matter anymore. Something that was thirteen years ago. What is he going to be like when he finds out about us shacking up?"

Jax pulled her towards him and kissed her on the forehead. This was tearing her up inside. Stella hated anybody being disappointed in her but especially Tig. They were on a different level. The sounds of the bikes got closer Stella held on tighter.

"It's going to be okay" Jax told her "I promise"

Clay looked around the area and was blown away. All the years he had lived in Charming and he never knew that this road was even there.

"Good work, Princess"

"Will it work?"

"Oh yeah. They're not going to know what hit them"

Suddenly Stella's phone started to ring and it somewhat broken the tension between Stella and her scarecrow. Stella looked down at who was calling her and frown, before answering

"Hey Marcus. What's up?"

All her guys looked at each other taken aback because the only Marcus they knew really shouldn't be her or even know her number.

"Are you shitting me?" Tig asked her with edge to his voice; it would make most people take a step back, but not Stella. She gave him a death stare and held her hand up to make him shut up, so she could listen what she was actually being told

"Okay." She told Marcus "Watch your back. After what happened to his last shipment, you're not going to be his favorite person. Thanks Marcus"

She disconnected from the call and couldn't help but feel his icy cold blue eyes on her. She turned around ready for a fight

"_What_?"

"Where the hell do I start Stella?" No princess, no Stel, no sweetheart – oh yeah – she was up a creek without a paddle "On a first name bases with Alvarez, are we?"

"Darby is back in town. Marcus was just warning me"

"How did he get your number?"

"I gave it to him"

"You did one job for him and now you're best friends with the guy. You can't trust them Stella"

"Can we do this later?" she asked quietly but in no way sounded weak "Something tells me this conversation is going to get very loud"

She hopped on to the back of Jax's bike before he gently handed her the helmet and they took down the road leaving everyone in a cloud of dust.

When Tig walked into the clubhouse he saw Stella and Jax at the bar. When Stella saw him, she took a deep breath and downed her shot of whiskey, faster than any woman in world history. They looked at each other and Stella didn't like away

"Princess!" he called out "You, me, church. _Now_!"

Stella knew it was her fate and she knew it had to happen but that didn't mean she liked it and that didn't mean she wanted to do it. She was sick of constantly fight everything, she even fought herself and her memories, he past. She was tired of fighting, Stella was exhausted but nevertheless she followed him into church. He closed the door behind them as Stella walked around the table and sat in Jax's seat. One it was a comfit, kinda like having him there holding her hand through it all and Two, she wanted space between herself and her Scarecrow.

"What the hell are you thinking? Or aren't you thinking?"

"I thinking I want Darby six feet under for everything he has done. If I have to get Marcus to help me with that. That is exactly what I will do. He took my husband from me, I am taking this"

"Your husband? Sweetheart, seriously? He betrayed you and he went behind our backs to Darby. You can't seriously want to sit there and protect him_" _

"If I hadn't left that time, none of it would have happened"

"You had nothing to do with his choice to go to Darby. He made that choice and that choice is what killed him. He was a _rat__"_

"Not even you could say he didn't love me"

"Could you be any more like Savannah!"

"I am _not_my _mother__!_" she yelled

"Falling deeper in love with a dead man. Sounds you're mother, to me"

"There you're issues Alex not mine" she said standing up and walking out of the room. As she walked past him Tig gently took hold of her elbow

"What else aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing"

She pouted at him and it was in her eyes, she was lying through her teeth and he had no clue about what. Knowing she wouldn't tell him even if he asked her, Tig let her go and watched her walk out of the room. He hated it but he was just going to have to wait to find out what she was hiding. He just hopped that whatever secret it was, it wasn't going to kill her


	23. Chapter 23

It was the typical Friday night. The clubhouse was packed with bimbos and booze but only one woman had Tig's attention. She was standing at the bar mainlining Jameson like it was water. Tig noticed his princess had been a little restless of late and as beautiful as she looked. Stella looked like she needed a good night sleep, which meant that she was having nightmares again. She always did this, she would make so much progress and then come crashing down again. Even in death, Kozik still had a hold of her and refused to let go. She was going through the motions of life, acting like she was okay but she was tearing herself about and hell bent on taking her revenge on Darby. Once Stella got something set in her mind she got stubborn and there was no changing it, which made her reckless and that was the last thing Tig needed, especially with the anniversary of Savannah's death fast approaching. Tig wasn't the only one watching Opie was also worried. He walked over to her and hung an arm over her shoulders.

"You okay?"

"Yep"

"You liar" he said pouring her another drink "Tell me what's going on"

"Ope, I'm fine"

"You forgot I've been there. If anybody is going to understand it's me, Stella"

She knew he was right. He was the only one that could know what she was going through, he lost Donna and moved on with Lyla. Everything she was feeling, Opie had felt the same. She took a deep breath and sighed.

"I have these dreams sometimes that aren't memories or me reliving what I did to him. They are so real and it's like he is warning me about stuff. We warned me about Steven and then the other night he took me to the Millar's place, a day before you guys needed to get in there and told me I had to remember it"

"Maybe it's him"

"I'm trying so hard to move on and I'm trying to give Jax my whole heart "

"We know that" he said pouring her another shot

"It getting worse, Ope. I saw him today. I saw Kozik walk past the office and into the Auto shop. Baby, I was wide awake"

He frowned at her before taking her hand and leading her outside quietly. She could feel herself breaking into pieces but she refused to do it in front of everybody. Once the night air hit her skin Stella let one tear fall down her cheek. He gently backed her up against a wall.

"Ope, I think I'm losing my mind"

"Stel you're not I promise you. You're not losing your mind"

"I saw him as clearly as I'm seeing you right now" she told him let a sob escape her lips "What else could it be?"

Opie wrapped her up in his arms and held on tight before he felt her take a deep breath and calm herself down

"I don't think you're going crazy, Mushkin. I think you feel guilty for moving on and being happy with Jax"

"You think?"

"You never thought you'd move on, Stella. You never thought you would move on with Jax of all people. You're not crazy, I promise. It's that or you have a brain tumour"

Stella burst out laughing and nodded her head and hoped to hell that Opie was right, about the guilt and the brain tumour

Jax woke up in Stella's bed, that same night. She was trapped in a dream again. It wasn't every night like before. At least she was getting better. She wasn't thrashing around like she use too but she was trapped. She turned head from side to side on her pillow. It wasn't until she started to whimper and Jax decided to wake her up.

"Babe" no movement "Babe, wake up"

Stella eyes shot open and she looked up at him and blinked a few times, getting back to reality

"God damn it!" she said annoyed at herself

"It's okay"

"No it's not. I'm sorry"

"Not your fault"

"Yeah it is"

Stella hugged him tight and buried her face in his neck and just wanted to disappear into a black hole. Why couldn't she let Kozik go? She wanted to be happy with Jax and she was but she missed Kozik. As much as she wanted to give hundred per cent of her heart to Jax, her heart still belonged to her man and she would always be Kozik's old lady.

"I wondered what he would say if he knew about us"

"I told you so" Stella said before laughing "Since that food fight we had years ago. Do you remember? The pancake batter"

"I remember cleaning it up,yes and remember that gold dress and the thigh high boot. God the moment I saw you in those boots.."

"Okay I get the picture and so not my point. Ever since that day Koz had it in for you"

"Trust me I know"

"I never believed him. I thought he was crazy or jealous even both. I didn't think he was right"

"And now?"

"I'm very glad he was. I'm just sorry I'm little crazy"

"I don't mind that my old lady's a little messed up. You fit right in with the rest of us"

Stella pulled back a little and looked up at him and pouted

"Old lady ?"

"Yep"

"I don't get a say?"

"Nope. Go to sleep"

She didn't say anything else, she didn't need to but what she did need was sleep, lots and lots of interrupted sleep.

Stella walked into the kitchen the next morning to see Jax busy. She had to mentally slap herself so she knew she wasn't dream "You cook?" she asked astonished.

Jax chuckled before smiling and shaking his head "No, that's what women are for" he joked before hit him on the arm hard, for his sexist comment. He wasn't surprised Jax was expecting it and he liked that it put a smile on her face.

'No, but I know how to make coffee"

He picked her up and sat her on the counter and handed her a mug of coffee.

"I might start staying back at my place from now on. At least that way, you can get some sleep. I'm sorry I kept waking you up"

"Stop it" he told her "You have nothing to be sorry about"

"I'm trying Jax"

"I know that, babe"

Suddenly they heard Abel waking up

"I'll get him" she offered

"No stay there. I'll go"

Jax kissed her before she watched him leave the room and knew she had to make this thing between them work. She owed that to him. Stella smiled at them both as Jax and Abel entered the room.

"How you doing?" She asked Abel pulling down his shirt over his belly

"Gotta go to the Doctor don't cha, bud ?" He looked over and smiled at the worried little on Stella's face "Just a check up"

"I can take him if you want. I'm not working. I mean if you've got stuff to do"

"Yeah? There is some club stuff to take care of"

Stella held her hand up to stop him talking. She didn't want to hear about it, she didn't want to know.

"Do I need to take his little blue medical book?"

"Yes please" he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and kissed her. They heard the door open and little footsteps enter the house.

"Just so you know" a little female voice told them "Tig's right outside"

Stella and Jax broke apart quicker an ever and separated to opposite sides of the Ellie started to laugh at them. Kenny, Ope and Tig soon joined them all. Stella decided that she might as well cook them breakfast.

"Woman already in the kitchen working hard" Ope said with a smile on his face "That's what I like to see"

"What is it with the _women-in-the-kitchen_jokes, this morning?"

" No Seriously, Stel" Tig told her "In the kitchen, barefoot with a baby on your hip. Suits ya"

She placed Abel gently on the ground. She quickly hit Tig's arm with the plastic spatchula and hard.

"Wow, violent" Opie said laughing

"I meant it as a compliment"

"Just for that I'm burning your pancakes"

"Come here"

Jax watched Tig grab a hold of Stella and pulled her into his lap. Stella was known as the most ticklish person in the world and the guys frequently took advantage of that, just to get their way. Jax didn't know if it was the fact that he now knew that Tig and Stella had slept together in the past or the fact that he was the one that was sleeping with her now but watching them be themselves, seeing how close they were really got under his skin, these days. He watched as Stella giggled, squirmed and squeal as he tickled her.

"Oh my god!" she yelled as the kids laughed at her

"Forgive me?"

'Yeah"

She gave him a dirty look, playfully as she went back to cooking breakfast and Tig just smiled at her.

Later that day after Abel doctors appointment she was surprised to see Jax walking down the hospital corridor.

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

"We ran into a little trouble. Opie got shot"

"_What_?"

"In the leg but the bullet went straight through so he's okay. Don't worry"

She looked at him wide eyed and worried "People I love getting shoot, is not okay Jax. Nowhere near okay. Don't tell me not worry"

"Can you do us a favour?" he asked smiling knowing the answer " Can you pick up Ellie and Kenny from school and get some stuff for Opie at the drug store?"

"Yeah sure. Do you want me to take Abel with me?"

"Nah Ma's coming to get him"

Tara watched them talk before Stella handed Abel to his father and went to walk away before Jax pulled her back and kissed her quickly. She playfully pushed him away and walked down the hallway. Tara made the decision that they needed to talk, there were something that Stella needed to be aware of. Tara followed her down the corridor and grabbed Stella by the elbow before walking them both into an empty room.

She stood in front of Tara and really didn't know what to expect but she was prepared for the worst. There was only a short amount of time in Stella life where herself and Tara were on the same side and even then that wasn't for too long.

"Stella I don't get it" Tara told her "You're intelligent. You're capable of anything and yet, you can turn a blind eye to what they do. You have a conscience. Why don't you just leave and live a normal life"

"I don't want too. Having smarts and being capable means nothing if you're alone. It took me forever to learn that but now nothing is more true to me then that"

"You and Jax huh?" Tara asked bitter "One happy family"

"Call in what you will. It's no matter to me what you say or what you think, Tara. You walked away from this life, you walked away from them"

"Interesting you say _them_. Would you be with Jax if he didn't have a child?If it was you're only chance to be a part of a real family" Stella just grinned because as much as it did hurt, she wasn't going to show it. She just nodded her head and smiled. Tara was not going to win "Does it make you feel less of a woman? Not being able to have children. I know if it was me, I couldn't go on"

"I do have a family, Tara. You were a part of that family but you couldn't handle it. You ran away like a scared little girl but the truth is we might have accept you as family but you never truly fit in with us. As much as you thought you did, you didn't"

"You speak for the _family,_ now"

"No but that doesn't mean it's not true. You know why Tara?" Tara stared Stella down, daring her to go on. "You can't be a part of something and look down your nose at it. You always thought you were better then everybody because you were a doctor and you had book smarts. Sweetheart you know nothing and were to closed off to learn anything. You learnt how to shoot, how to fight and clearly have the bitch thing down but you never learnt to be an old lady and that is your loss"

"Lucky you were there to take my place. Pity Kozik had to die for that to happen"

As much as she wanted to scream over there and kick the good doctor's ass. Stella knew that wouldn't get her anywhere and she knew that girls fought differently. Stella could hurt Tara without lifting a finger and hurt her for a long time.

"At least I was woman enough to take care of my own problems, didn't have to enlist the help of an old boyfriend, to clean up my mess. What was that guy's name? Corwin? Corin? Oh, Koan! That's it" Stella walked toward Tara slowly, calmly and slightly menacing "See Tara you're not as clean as you make out. At least I own up to what I've done"

"You think that this thing with Jax is actually going to work out. Sure you two will be together for a while but it will turn sour and it will end. He'll come back to me, he always does"

"You had your chance Tara and you blew it, twice" Stella said with a smile before turning around and walking towards the door.

"There is one thing you should know before you get too comfortable" Tara said to her. Even though Stella knew she should walk away, walk out the door and just keep on walking but she couldn't help it. Stella turned around and listened to what Tara had to say. She really shouldn't have.

Shortly after her delightful chat with Tara, Stella was walking down the main street of Charming when she caught a glimpse him. Her heart jumped up into her mouth and she froze on the spot. There he was walking down the street without a care in the world, like he didn't have a target on his back. Darby.

Stella hadn't seen him since he had taken her down to the docks and proceeded to beat the crap out of her. What pissed her off more was that he wasn't even limping. She had stabbed him in the leg and she had been positive she had hit bone and hope that she had broken his leg but clearly she was wrong. Her feet were cemented to the ground, she was so terrified. It wasn't a feeling she was used too. As much as Stella hated it, she hid. She rushed into the drug store and away from Darby. She had brought everything on that shopping list, hoping that it would get her mind off the fact that Darby was nearby. Hoping that would get her mind off what Tara had told her but it wasn't working. That was until she saw him again. Not Darby, Koz. Leaning against her Porsche. She stopped, closed her eyes and took a deep breath before counting to five and opening her eyes again. He was gone.

"Damn brain tumour" she muttered to herself before getting into her car and driving away

Things had been different since she arrived back at his place, Stella was a little distant. Which was a far cry from how they were that very same morning. She wasn't cold but wasn't affectionate either. Very quiet, very withdrawn. Not with anyone else, just with him. Maybe she was just worried about Opie .

"Might get going" she said reaching her handbag.

"Woo, where are you going?"

"Back to my place. Like we talked about this morning"

"I thought we decided against that"

"No" Stella said shaking her head "You decided"

"Stel,"

"Jax. Just leave it okay? I'll see you tomorrow"

He watched her walked out of the house without looking back. Something was bugging her and it wasn't just in his head. Something had happened during the day and he needed to know exactly what.


	24. Chapter 24

He watched his princess from afar and it hadn't been lost on him that she had been a little quiet lately, which was a tell tale sign that Stella had a lot on her mind. Not that he blamed her. It was going to be the anniversary of the day that Savannah died. Twenty six years ago. Tig always got a little dark in the days leading up to it, relived everything. He was the one that found Savannah in the bathtub after her heart stopped beating and he'd be lying if Tig said that he hadn't seen the same behavior in her daughter over the past few months, he didn't want this to tip her over edge. He walked into the office and it was no big surprise to see Stella head down in paper work and actually wearing her glasses.

"Busy?" he asked sitting down opposite her

"Not too busy for you. What's up? "

"Just checking in with you. Seeing if you're okay"

"Yeah I'm great"

"Lair"

Stella just smiled at him, what more could she do

"I will be fine"

"Nightmares?" He asked before she nodded her head " Sweetheart, I think you need to go speak to someone about this. Like professionally. You're not getting better and you can't keep going the way you're going"

"I can really see that conversation _So, Ms Mackenzie. What see to be the problem? What's the trouble?... Well Doctor, I shot my husband, in the chest in fact. He died pretty quickly_"

"Stella"

"Baby" she said taking off her glasses " I know I'm scaring the life out of you and everyone else and I don't mean too but I'm going to be okay. I have no choice but to be okay and I will get there. I promise. I've just hit a bumpy road, that's all. I'll come good again"

"Listen Kozik.."

Stella stopped him once the name was said. She couldn't bare to speak about him today, so she quickly changed the subject

"You know that Darby back in town right. I saw him a week ago, walking around like he owned the joint"

"We on it. We're going to let him get away with what he did to you. No way, no how"

"It's not what he did to me that I'm worried about. Darby put this whole thing in motion. He needs to get what coming to him and I want to be there to see it"

"I'll see what I can do but Stella listen to me don't do anything stupid remember just because you lost him, doesn't mean I get to loss you as well."

"Alex, you're not going to lose me"

"I better not"

She watched him leave and given though it was touching that he was so worried but how terrible must she had looked to worry them all so much. She had to pull herself together before she lost it completely. Suddenly Stella started to see spots in front of her eyes and her head started to spin and she got the distinct feel she should lay down. Stella pulled herself together enough to walk across to the clubhouse and into Jax's room. Once her head hit that pillow she passed out. Back into her dream world.

_She was standing on the footpath in front of Clay and Gemma's house. She didn't know why she was there but she knew he was close by. He didn't say anything as he walked up behind her. She turned around and pushed him hard. Kozik stepped back as she pushed him again_

"_Why do you keep doing this to me?" she asked hitting him in the chest "Why won't you let me, let go? Let me move on?"_

"_So what? You can move on with Jax!"_

_Stella__ froze in shock that he knew that._

"_You're making me crazy. I'm losing my mind because of you. I want to sleep, just sleep and you won't let me"_

"_Okay, first of all. The nightmares aren't me and second of all I wouldn't be here if you would only listen to me"_

"_About what? You don't tell me anything. Is it you that I am seeing when I'm awake?"_

"_It's me. Baby I am only trying to keep you safe"_

"_From what! You're Mr Cryptic standing there like you have all the answers but won't share them. Is this you're payback for what I did?"_

"_You're the only one that is beating themselves up about that. You're spiraling. Stella you need to forgot what happened, how it happened and most importantly why it happened"_

"_How the hell am I meant to do that?"_

_Kozik took her hand lightly and spun her around so her back was pressed up against him, he's left arm snake around and rested on the right side of her stomach. He buried his face in her neck and kissed her cheek_

"_I don't need payback, Baby... I'm the one that double crossed SAMCRO"_

"_But Darby took advantage of that"_

"_It doesn't matter I need you to be okay and safe. That's all that matters to me"_

"_Even with Jax" she asked turning around and wrapping her arms around his neck_

"_I just want you to be happy but I told you so"_

"_I knew you were going to say that"_

"_Quick, give me a kiss" He told her smiling_

"_No. That means you're leaving and this is going to end"_

"_You didn't want me here a second ago"_

"_I'm a woman. It's my job to change my mind"_

"_Just kiss me damn it"_

_So she did and she made it count because she didn't know when she was going to see him again._

Things had been different between them over the past couple of days. They were getting on each other's nerves very easier and they were both quick to bicker even in front of other people when they were at work or the clubhouse. He couldn't put his finger on it but she had been distant for a week now. Something was going on in that head of hers and Jax was at a loss to know what. Her nightmares had been in full swing judging on the dark circle around her eyes She hadn't slept at his house since he woke her up from that last nightmare and she wouldn't stop playing with that damn wedding ring around her neck. Jax got the feeling that she was avoiding him. Which was really starting to bug him. Stella was pulling away and Jax had no clue what to do about it. It was late one night that it all blew up. Abel was in bed and Stella washing up dishes when Jax walked in and silently watched her for a while. She reached down to put something in the cabinet under the sink when the ring fell out from her top. She held it, kissed the side of the metal and placed it back under her top and stood back up. He couldn't stand it anymore.

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"You're fixated on that thing around your neck"

"What are you talking about?"

"It's not him. It's a hunk of metal"

"Where is this going from?"

"I don't like sharing you with a dead man" he yelled. She frowned at him before telling him to hush

"We're back to this?" she asked him quietly

"We wouldn't be here if you just understood he betrayed you, this club and you still have him up on a pedestal"

"Okay first of all, you need to keep your voice down otherwise you're going to wake your son. Second of all. From day one, I told you I was still in love with him and that this thing between us was going to be difficult. I told you it wasn't going to be easy but you enter into anyhow. Don't throw it back on me. I was open with you about everything"

"Never expected it to be this damn hard and I think the worst thing is that you don't want to get go of him"

Stella gave him a loud bitter chuckle and she her head "Wow, that sound really hypocritical coming from you

"What's that suppose to mean?"

She threw the tea towel on to the bench and turned back to face him

"When you're inside someone, there is only one face you see"

Jax was stunned in to silence, he stood there staring at her before summoning up the words "Who told you that?"

"Who do you think told me that?" she fired back "Girls talk Jax. You might want to keep that in mind in the future"

"So what now? You're the one that started this so you tell me want you want, Jackson"

"You. I want you all to myself"

"Jax, Honey. That's never going to happen. I'm always going to be _his_ old lady"

"I guess we're done"

"Okay" she said picking up her handbag and walking out the door. He knew he would regret it but it was how he felt and it was what he had to do. Now it was done


	25. Chapter 25

She was determined to avoid Jax at all costs today, so when she heard someone in her kitchen, she wasn't worried that it was an intruder and was worried that it was Jax. They had said some horrible things to each other. Horrible but true. She wasn't comfortable being Jax's old lady but she hadn't said anything because she didn't want to hurt him. She wasn't ready to face him but knew she had to go see who was in her kitchen. She reluctantly hopped out from under her covers and walked out to the kitchen, to see her Scarecrow in her kitchen.

"Hi!"

"Morning"

"This is a surprise"

"What? I've cooked you breakfast before"

"Honey, that last time you cooked me breakfast. I had to go with Koz to see Marcus and I ended up getting slapped"

"Oh yeah"

"What are you doing here?"

"Just checking in"

"Coffee?" she asked sweetly. He handed her a cup before he sat down at the table.

The truth was that Tig hated this day and he was worried about how his Princess was going to handle it. It was the anniversary of the day Savannah died twenty four years ago. He didn't want to mention it, in case Stella hadn't realized or she didn't want to talk about it but he did want to know if she was okay and if she was going to be okay. He wasn't he's usual devil-may-care self, he had a lot on his mind.

"You okay?"

He looked back at her and gave her a wicked smile

"Always. You get any sleep last night?"

"More than the night before"

She wanted to tell him everything that was wrong, she wanted to tell him about the fight she had with Jax but she had told him they were even together. It seemed pointless now that they were over for good. There was no coming back from the night before. Not coming back from what they had said to each other, not even if she wanted too.

"That's not what I asked"

"Alex. I'm fine"

"Why don't I believe you? And I know you're not telling me something"

She looked up from her cup of coffee and frowned at him, not that she should have been surprised. She never could keep a secret from him.

"I don't know what you're..." she started to say before he stopped her with a look because he knew she was lying " He visits me"

"What are you talking about?"

She tried to think of a way to tell him without sound crazy, think of a way that wouldn't make him worry about her. She watched him walk over and sit opposite her crossed his arm.

"Okay, um. I had this dream a few months back. Me and Kozik were in Washington. Somewhere we went when we were together. He told me that my family loved me and that they did things to protect me. People were coming but I didn't have to worry. I thought nothing of it, until Steve rode in and I found out that you buried Koz in Charming. I thought it was odd but when there was another dream and we were at the Millar property and he told me to remember where we were , then the next day"

"We needed to get in there"

"Exactly"

"First time conquincidence, second time, okay weird. Only been twice"

She sadly shook her head and looked up at him

"Last time was a couple of days ago. He said he didn't need me to go after Darby. He was a rat and he got what he deserved and he needed me to be safe. Which is weird because I mean, I am with you guys, so why wouldn't I be safe?"

"You are going for Darby pretty relentlessly Sweetheart. Might be what he is going on about"

"You don't think I am a mental patient"

"I got a dream from your mom"

"Really? What about?"

"You" he said hopping up from the table.

"That's all you're giving me? My Mama giving you messages from beyond the grave and you're not telling me what they were? I shared mine with you. You're mean"

"I don't know it was stuff like _marshmallows are not a breakfast food_. Mom stuff"

"But I used to have marshmallows all the time for breakfast all the time. In my cereal, in fact"

"Aren't you glad I never listened?"

He told her to say home for the day. Catch up on some sleep, she was weird about Gemma working by herself all day but agreed anyhow. Tig didn't think she remembered what today was and if that was so that was the way he wanted to keep it and it also made it easier for her too avoid Jax. She only had to make an appearance at one of Gemma's dinners that night.

Stella was actually looking forward to family dinner. Stella heard her phone start to ring, she was running late and knew it would be her Scarecrow to ask her where the heck she was. She didn't even say hello when she asked

"I'm leaving now. I am on my way"

"Good, because I am starving and I want to eat but can't until you get here because you're late because you spend two hours trying to figure out what shoes to wear"

"Oh my god, heaven forbid you have to wait ten minutes longer then you have too, for food. You're such a caveman"

"And you're such a girl"

They kept playfully insulting each other as Stella drove over to Gemma and Clay's place. She looked out the rear view mirror and saw a black sedan following her and had been for a past few blocks.

"Babe, I think I am being followed"

"What? By who?"

"Black sedan. Tinted windows, a couple of cars back. Might just be paranoid since Vegas"

"We'll see, just get here quick okay"

"Yep"

"Stel?"

"Yeah"

"Be careful"

"Always. Piece of cake, right?"

Tig and Opie were waiting for her out the front of Gemma and Clay's place. She could almost see the relief on their faces when she pulled into the driveway. She hopped out of the car all smiles.

"You two are soooooo paranoid" she called out, teasing them

She had only just made it to the front door when bullets started flying out of the windows of the very same black sedan that had been following her. They all took cover until the street was deadly quiet. Everything had stopped, everyone was silent. Tig and Opie stood up and looked down the street for the car, which had long since disappeared. Suddenly Tig felt someone touch his back lightly before he heard her say

"Alex?"

He turned to see Stella look up at him, all the color had drained out of her face and her eyes wide with terror and shock. He looked down at her hand which was holding the right side of her stomach. She moved her hand and Opie saw the blood before Tig did.

"Chibs!" he yelled inside the house before rushing to her side, by then Tig mind had clicked into gear.

"Sweetheart, we going to lay you down okay?"

"Mmm-hmm"

Opie and Tig helped Stella on to the ground. She gasped, they guessed in pain, lord knew how much pain she was in right now but they couldn't tell because she was stony faced. Chibs rushed outside and saw what had happened. He yelled inside for someone to call an ambulance.

"Honey. I need to stop the bleeding, it's going to hurt like hell"

"Do it"

Stella pressed her lips together and her head fell back. She refused to scream but couldn't help it when a whimper escaped her lips and her tightened around Tig's hand. He took that as a good sign, if she could grip his hand that tight, she's got a fighting chance. She gasped for air and her breathing started to change. Her left hand had felt the concrete path, it had been rough but she could feel something sticky running under her fingers. She rubbed her fingertips together and lifted her hand up to see all the blood.

"Exit wound?" she asked

"Maybe" Opie said picking up her free hand out of the blood and holding it tight " Keep holding on, they're on their way. Stella you hear me?"

Neither of the guys holding her hand wanted to say it out loud and even admit it to themselves but the grip on their hands were becoming less and less every second this went on. She was fighting to keep her eyes open and fighting to breathe through the pain.

"Stay with us, Sweetheart" Tig said brushing the hair out of her face. The blood had soaked through the towel that Chibs had been using. She was losing blood too way for him to stop it. Suddenly Stella saw something at the corner of her eye. She moved her head to the side and saw a little girl long blonde hair, she looked familiar but Stella had never seen her before. She turned look at Stella and Stella saw her eyes, Stella knew those green eyes. They were Stella's eyes. It was her daughter. She ran past Stella and to her father. Stella chuckled and smiled. Tig looked in the same direction but didn't see anything "What are you looking at?"

"My daughter and her Dad"

The three guys exchanged looks and knew if help didn't get there fast, they were going to lose her. Tig moved so he was in front of her "Look at me, Sweetheart. You have to keep fighting. You have to hold on, you hear me?"

"Getting tired"

"I know you are, Baby. You have to stay here with me, okay?"

The pain was getting to be too much for her to handle. Chibs placed more pressure on the wound, Stella couldn't help it, and she let out a scream. A tear rolled down her cheeks and she closed her eyes and rested her head back on the ground before it rolled to the side.

When she opened her eyes again Opie was gone and Gemma was in his place.

"Open your eyes, Baby" Gemma told her. Brushing her hair, back

"Let them take me"

"You don't get off that easy. You know why you have to stay here, for them. You gotta be strong"

She couldn't be strong anymore Stella was ready to go be with her family, she needed to be with her family. It was what she had wanted for a long time. Her breathing was getting steadily worse. Short and sharp. There was a metallic taste in her mouth. Stella took a hold of Tig's hand and look over at him.

"I love you. Always have"

"Don't do this, Sweetheart. Not today of all days"

"You'll be okay"

"Hold on just a little longer"

She didn't have any longer, she wasn't even in pain anymore. Stella couldn't keep her eyes open and she didn't want to either. Her breathing was slowing down. Her eyelids closed and she fell into darkness again.

They heard the sirens before they saw the paramedics. They had actually made it in record time even those it seemed like forever to everyone at the house. Chibs checked her pulse it was still there but very weak. They lifted her up on to the gurney and wheel her off to the ambulance.

"Call Tara" Tig told Gemma "Tell her Stella's on the way. She needs all the time she can get"

"I'm coming with you"

"Let's go"

They followed as close to the ambulance as they could until they got to the hospital and rushed in behind the paramedics and as far as they could, until a nurse stopped them. There was truly nothing they could do. Tara followed the gurney and ordered as much O neg blood as they could possibly give her.

"Blood pressure is dropping, fast" one of the nurses told Tara

Tara really needed Stella to start fight again, right this very second. It was now or never and Tara really didn't want to tell everything that she couldn't save their Princess. Suddenly there was a deafening long beep that echoed through the operating theatre.


	26. Chapter 26

_Stella started to find her way out of the darkness. It felt like she had been there for a while but she didn't know quite how long. She felt like she had been some place but she didn't know where. Stella slowly opened her eyes and all she could see was bright, light, bright white. She didn't know, all she knew was it was bright. She took a deep breath and moved her fingers, then her hand. It felt strange. She looked over and her hand to see tubes sticking out of her hand, she took a deep breath and the felt something wrapped around her face. She didn't like it. Stella went take it off and out of her nose when someone said _

"_Whoa Princess. You have to leave it on" She looked over to see Clay "Welcome back" _

"_What happened?" _

"_You were shot. Do you remember?" _

_Stella tried to think back and was ringing some bells "Vaguely" _

"_You lost a lot of blood but fought your way back" _

"_Where's Alex?" _

"_Outside getting some air. He was getting annoyed with the hospital staff. I didn't want blood bath" _

"_Good thinking" Stella coughed and felt a shooting pain run through her body, she winced and grabbed her stomach " Is he okay?" _

"_He took a pretty scary trip down memory lane." _

"_Why?"_

"_You got shot on the twenty fifth June" Clay told her as it all made sense. It was the anniversary of her mother's death. Stella was the same age as Savannah, when she died. _

"_Oh god" _

"_Yeah. He aren't good but you're awake now so he'll be alright" _

"_How Jax's?" _

"_You really don't need to know that yet" _

"_He's that bad?" _

_Clay didn't answer that's when she knew it was bad, instead he change the subject and said _

"_I'll go get the nurse" _

_Stella watched Clay walk out of the room and frowned. Something was very wrong, she had that sick feeling in her stomach and it wasn't from a bullet. _

_Stella ripped that oxygen off the first chance she got, when she thought she was alone in the room. She didn't hear him walk into the room; she didn't hear him close the door. _

"_I think you meant to keep that on" _

_There he was her Scarecrow. _

"_It was pissing me off" She smiled at him but he didn't smile back _

"_You know what you're the one that pisses me off. You had to be like her to the very end, didn't you?" Stella went to say something but he stopped her before she could. He had a lot to say and he knew that if she gave him that look and that smile, he wouldn't be angry anymore and he needed to be angry. "Don't you ever ask me to let you go again and while we're at it don't you ever let go that easy again. You hear me?" _

"_Yes I'm like her but with one big difference. I'm still here" _

"_You died Stella. You flat lined on that operating table. It took all the Tara had to get you back from wherever you went. You gave up to be with him. Trust me everybody knows you loved him but it's not about him anymore. What about me or Gemma. Ellie, Abel" _

"_I'm right here, Honey" _

"_Yeah, with a bullet wound in your stomach" _

"_You can't always save me" _

"_Well that's just crap" _

_Stella chuckled before quickly stopping and held her stomach. She took a deep breath before exhaling slowly. She gave him a reassuring smile to tell him she was okay and they both changed the subject. _

"_Is everyone else okay?" _

"_Yeah. You'll have to go see Ellie, when you feel up to it. She saw the whole thing" _

"_Oh god" _

"_She's pretty shaken up" _

"_Damn it!" _

"_Let's get you better first. Then we'll deal with everything else, Okay?" _

"_Piece of cake" _

_He smiled and shook his head. He had no idea what he was going to do with her, he knew she wasn't going to take it easy so he would have to put his foot down at one point or another. He'd just have to cross that bridge when he got to it _

_She didn't notice him until he spoke "You always have to have the last word, don't you?" _

_Stella looked up and saw Jax standing in the hospital doorway. _

"_I do what I can" she said sitting up. She winched in pain and grabbed her stomach. Jax rushed over to her. "I'm okay" _

_He sat on the bed and brushed the hair out of her face. _

"_I don't know what I would have done, if the last thing that we did was fight. I said things I didn't mean" _

"_Doesn't mean that the things you said weren't truth, because they are" _

"_Stella..." _

"_No, Jax wait. I have to say this" she said holding his hand "I had no business starting a relationship with you, when I am still in love with him. It wasn't fair to you. I do love you, Jax just I love him more _

"_Stella.." _

"_Wait. I'm not done. If you still have feelings for Tara and she has feeling for you. You both owe it to yourselves to figure it out. Trust me on this because if you don't speak up, now. By the time you do. You may not have much time left. You will regret it for the rest of your life. Learn from my mistakes" _

_He looked down and took a deep breath before looking back at her still, very pale face. _

"_I really thought this would work. I really wanted it to work" _

"_Me too" she said with a smile "Would have been prefect. Prince and Princess of SAMCRO together" _

_He rested his forehead on hers. She gave him a lopsided smile before he kissed her for the last time. She got lost in it. it was so loving and so final, so bittersweet. Until there was someone else in the room _

"_This is a new development" Stella turned out of their kiss to see her Scarecrow standing in the doorway "Gotta be honest. Didn't see this coming" _

"_Alex" she started before he held his hand and stopped her. They stared at each other, silent. Not knowing where to go from there. She took a deep breath before he walked out of the room. Jax heard Stella swear under hear breath. Jax knew he had to go face the music and slowly hopped off the bed and made his way to the door before she pulled him back with all her strength, which wasn't much right now. "If you go out there now, he is going to maul you" _

"_Someone's gotta talk to him" _

"_I'll talk to him. Just let him calm down first" _

"_You sure" _

"_Well, he won't kill me. You on the other hand" _

"_True"_

_They both smiled at each other, both knowing they were in for some trouble but they both knew that they would be they for each other._

_Gemma__ crept into the room and made sure she stayed quiet, not to wake the patient. __Gemma__ had never thought of Stella as a daughter, they certainly weren't going to start in a Hallmark movie but __Gemma__ did love Stella with all her heart. She was her Savannah's daughter and __Gemma__ had always felt responsible for her, even when her parents were still alive. To see her in a hospital bed and so weak was an experience __Gemma__ didn't wish go through again. It wasn't the first time __Gemma__ had seen her in a hospital room but it was the first time __Gemma__ had seen Stella without that fire that made Stella who she was. It wasn't the first time she had done this, watched Stella sleep. __Gemma__ had bargained her way into recovery after the surgery and sat there until they moved Stella into a private room, of course after __Gemma__ insisted, very loudly that Stella have that private room. She sat down in the chair beside Stella's bed and looked at the tubes in Stella's hands and around her face. One of the toughest ladies __Gemma__ had ever met looked so fragile. Gemma lightly brushed the hair out of Stella face before Stella's eye fluttered open._

"_Alex knowing about Jax"_

_Gemma nodded her head and continued brushing her hair back_

"_It's okay, Baby. We'll fix it. Get some sleep"_

_Stella quickly closed her eyes again and falling back to watched her sleep for hours, just to make sure she was still alive_


	27. Chapter 27

Her hospital room seemed to be getting smaller as the days went on. She was sure it was psychological but it felt true. Add to the fact that she hadn't seen Tig since he had walked in on herself and Jax and that had been days. Sure they had gone days without talking but not while they were in the same zipcode. It felt bizarre, it actually hurt a little. If she was truthful, it hurt a lot. Then again Stella knew she should have told him about Jax long before Tig actually found out. Stella had made her bed, now she had to lay in it. Suddenly she heard a knock on the door and she plastered a smile on her face.

"You awake?" Opie asked

"Of course"

"You feel like visitors?"

Before she could even answer Kenny rushed in and jumped on her hospital bed. That smile she had just plastered on her face turned genuine and she chuckled and hugged him hello.

"Did you really get shot?" he asked her excited

"Yep. Got some really cool scars"

"Can I see?"

"Maybe in a couple of days? When I get out of here?" she said with a smile. Loving that he was such a boy and loving the fact that he didn't really understand what had gone on. She gave him the biggest hug she could give him. She looked over and Ellie who was standing with her dad. Stella reached over and gently took Ellie hand. "Boys? Can we have a minute? Just a little gal talk?"

"Yeah" Opie asked before picking Kenny up and walking out of the room. Stella smiled at Ellie

"You okay, Honey?"

"I'm not the one who was shot"

"They told me that you were there when it happen"

"Yep. They said that you died"

"For a couple of seconds, but I'm right here Baby" Stella pulled Ellie up on the bed with her and pulled her into a hug. She had to fight back tears and stay strong "I'm sorry you had to see that, Elle"

"I'm sorry you couldn't be with your family"

"I am with my family, Baby. I'm right here with my family"

They both laid there for a minute or two, not saying a word but not having to say a word either

"Tig, not talking to you?"

"Nope but that's what I get for lying to him. I should have told him about Jax a long time ago"

"He can't be mad at you. You _died" _Ellie protested

"He can be mad at me. I lied to him. Tigger has every right to be mad at me"

"I don't understand you two"

"Not many people do, Elle. We're weird"

Both the girl chuckled and changed the subject to something more pleasant

The club still wasn't sure about who had pulled the shooting and no one had come forward to calm responsibly. The Niners had actually stepped forward to say it wasn't them so the only other alterative was either Mayans or the Nords, unless there was a new crew in town, wanting to make a name for themselves, if it was, they did one hell of a job. They were releasing Stella from the hospital in a few days and her guys wanted to find the creep that did this and finish it before she came home. Give her that piece of mind. Meanwhile at the same time Stella slowly walked around her hospital room, she had been there for a week and it was driving her nuts. She had cabin fever and she could wait to get out. That and the fact that she had turned the wrong way when she was hopping out of the bed and pain radiated through her body. She was taking deep breaths trying to make it better, sadly it wasn't helping.

"Aren't you meant to be in bed?" someone asked at her doorway. She looked up to see Marcus in front of her "You okay?"

"Yeah just trying to walk off the pain"

"Stella, it's a gunshot wound not a sprained ankle"

"Good point"

"Where Tig? I thought that he wouldn't let you out of his sight. I mean more than usual"

"He's not talking to me, actually"

"What?"

"He found out about Jax" she said sitting on her bed

" I know he doesn't like sharing you but, come on"

"It's his choice. I'm not going to force him. He'll cool down eventually"

"It wasn't us"

She looked up at him surprised. She never thought for one second that it was the Mayans. They had been at peace with SAMCRO for a while now, they did good business and Stella didn't see a reason why Marcus would want that to stop.

"I never thought it was"

"I just wanted to say it"

"Well, lets go find them, so they know. They will be around here somewhere. The last thing I want is a war with the wrong people".

Stella was right Clay, Opie, Chibs and Tig stood in the hallway down a far while from Stella's room. They were discussing what their next move was going to be. Given they didn't know for sure who was behind it, made their next move all that much difficult.

"Are we a hundred per cent sure that it wasn't the Mayan's?" Clay asked the group "I know we've been friendly of late but I wouldn't put it past Alvarez to be double handed"

Suddenly they heard someone walking down the hallway "It wasn't Marcus" Stella told them walking towards them with Alvarez by her side. Once Tig saw them together, saw Alvarez's arm wrapped around Stella's shoulders, his blood started to boil. Sure he was pissed at her but seeing her so close to Alvarez left a bad taste in his mouth.

"And if it wasn't me or the Niners, we all know who it was and considering Stella was involved it shouldn't really be surprising"

Suddenly the room started to spin, for Stella. She reached out and held on to Opie's arm, closed her eyes and took a shaky breath.

"You alright?" he asked as Opie and Alvarez lowered her into a chair, next to the wall in the hallway.

"It's the damn meds they have me on. Other than making me nauseous they also make me dizzy"

She opened her eyes, shook her head and cursed to herself.

"Should you be going home so soon?" Alvarez asked her

"I'd be going home now if Tara would let me"

"That wasn't my question"

Tig gave a bitter chuckle, he could stand by anymore and watch Alvarez and Stella get closer. When all Marcus was going to do was use her trust against her later on down the track

"Why do you care, Álvarez?"

"Someone has too. With you acting like a little bitch, with the silent treatment"

Stella and everybody else around her stopped dead in their tracks, waiting for Tig's next move. Luckily they were in a hospital and Clay was in Tig's path to get to Álvarez. They could have cut the tension with a knife, the air was that thick. Stella stood up from the chair and turn to Álvarez. Knowing that she needed to defuse the situation

"Come on, Marcus. Take me for a walk and I'll bum a cigarette"

"Do you think you should be smoking?"

"Do you really think you should deny an injured woman a cigarette? Marcus, do you think that wise?"

"You've got a point"

"I know and let's go"

Stella was sitting outside smoking a cigarette, after Álvarez had left. Her first cigarette since she had been in hospital and she wasn't ashamed to say that it was the best cigarette of her life. She was fully aware she didn't look her best, definitely had bed hair, still pale, still dizzy and still in the bad books.

"Should you be smoking that?" someone called out to her.

She turned around slowly to see it was Juice talking to her "Hey Stranger"

"If I hug you, is it going to hurt?"

"I think I can take it" she said with a chuckle before he hugged her "Feels like I haven't seen you in forever"

"I've been busy. Important stuff to do"

"Like?"

"Stuff I can't tell you about"

She could read between the lines. They were tracking down who had done this to her and that's why he couldn't tell her anything.

"Just be carefully. It isn't worth one of you getting hurt because of me"

"Yeah it is, Stel. You don't understand you and Gemma, you're the heart this family. You hurt, we all do. We lose you, and we're all lost Babe"

"I'm right here, honey"

"Right here, in the hospital. We can't leave that unanswered"

She could have argued the point. Say it was her karma. Getting shot for shooting someone she loved, the connection seemed pretty clear to her but then again Stella knew arguing wouldn't change anything.

"Be carefully, that's all I'm asking"

"And we are"

"Good" she told him giving him a wicked smirk as he stole the cigarette from her fingers and taking a drag.

"He's going to forgive you, you know"

"I'm not worried"

"You're just a terrible liar, Stella"

Finally that cheekiness that she often would hide behind was gone . Tears welled up in her eyes before she spoke

"He hates me, Juice"

"He doesn't hate you. He's confused, he's hurt but he'll get over it. Only reason he is staying away from you, is so he can stay angry at you. I know you need your Scarecrow"

She did. More than Stella cared to admit to herself or anybody else for that matter. She had never felt so needy in all her life. Stella hated it.

"You going home in a few days?"

"Yes, thank god"

"After that, Stel. Everything is going to be fine. I promise"

"I hope you're right" she said stealing back the cigarette. He watched her for a second or two. Stella never left herself vulnerable for long before the brick wall was built up around herself again. She refused to let anybody believe for too long that she was made of anything but steel.


	28. Chapter 28

Gemma was on a mission, she wasn't happy and Tigger was the target. After picking Stella up from the hospital and taking her home, there was a lot that needed to be said, in a way that only Gemma could get away with. She stalked over to him, heel high echoing his doom.

"You, me. In the office now, Tigger"

"Do I have a choice?"

"No!"

He knew what it was about but he follow anyhow, he knew it was coming. Gemma slammed the door behind them

"Why are you acting like such a child?"

"She lied to me Gem. I don't know for how long. We don't lie to each other"

"Do you think she was worried about how you would react? You don't exactly like sharing your Princess"

"Everybody knew about this but me?"

"Pretty much. We were all fine with it"

"I can't believe this"

"Suck it up, Buttercup. You should have been the one to bring her home from the hospital, today. Not me. She is in a world of pain right now and it isn't because she was shot. It's because you're not talking to her"

"She lied to me"

"Stella has forgiven _you_ for worse"

"Nice, Gem"

"What? Does the truth hurt?" Gemma asked sitting down on the sofa near the door "Do you remember how worried you were that she wasn't going to come back here after that. How worried you were that you would never see her again? If she leaves now because you're not talking to her, Stella won't have a reason to come back"

"She will always come back. This is her home"

"Tigger, _you_ are her home. Always have been. I know she lied to you but she was scared and she didn't know if this thing with Jax was going to anywhere and it didn't. Their still in love with other people but for a short amount of time, they made each other happy. That's what she needed the most. You're the one taking it away from her now"

"How am I supposed to look Jax in the face?"

"The same way you still look Opie in the face or Kozik for that matter"

"Damn"

" Doing the calculations in your head, aren't you?" Gemma chuckled "Are you counting Kyle Hobart?"

"Eck, hell no. That didn't happen"

"Oh, trust me. It so did" Gemma chuckled "See you're not actually mad at her. Why are you making her suffer?"

"I was angry and it felt good but you're right I should have picked her up today"

"Yes you should have. What are you going to do about it?"

"I'll go over there tonight, kiss and make up. I promise"

"Good"

Little did they know that the Princess that they were talking about was very close by, sitting on the picnic table outside the clubhouse. Her hair piled up on top of her head, not a speck of make up on her face and wearing the baggiest pair of jeans she owned, which weren't actually that baggy to begin with.

"Oi" she heard someone say behind her "Aren't you meant to be in the hospital?"

Stella turned her head saw Bobby walking towards her "They let me out for good behavior"

"You scared us kid. Terrified us"

"Sorry. Didn't mean too"

She was still pale and he could tell that she was still in pain, even though Stella was trying to hide it and was doing a pretty good job at it.

"It's alright. Just don't do it again"

"What, get shot? Okay if you insist"

Bobby laughed loving that even through everything Stella was still a smart ass. She wanted desperately to ask if they had found Darby but she knew that Bobby wouldn't tell her anything. Tig had more than likely forbid them too say anything about it.

"Chucky is dying to see you. By the way"

"Yeah. I'll go find him"

Bobby helped her off the picnic table and on to the ground Stella walked into the clubhouse to see, guns upon guns. All over the pool table and across the bar top. Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open

"I'm sorry. Did I just walk into a military bunker?"

Chibs and Juice looked up surprised to hear her voice "She broke out" Chibs told her chuckling "Welcome home, Sweetheart"

Stella wandered over and gave him a cuddle and stayed there a while, just because she felt like it.

"Are we invading a country? World domination? Opening a gun and ammo store?" Both men were quiet "Doing something you're not allowed to tell me about?"

"Definitely the last one" Clay told her

"Fine, go have your fun without me. I'll be a mushroom and live in the dark"

"Only because we love you"

"I know and that's the only reason I am standing for it"

"Have you seen him?" Clay asked her, knowing that he and talking about Tig

"Not for days"

"He'll come around"

Stella chuckled and shook her head. Tig better do it quickly because Stella had given herself a deadline. Two weeks, she was going to rest two weeks and then she was heading off to Boston and she was going to try and not look back. She needed a new start and Boston had always been good to her. Although she might take the very long way around and drop in at Tacoma, to see her brother in law first.

"I'll let you two get back to your secret planning" she said walking behind the bar and saw how empty it was, so down to the basement she went.

Stella went to grab a box from the shelf in the basement before pain radiated through her body from her stomach to her head. Stella gasped letting out a whimper of pain and grabbing her stomach quickly.

"You know you don't have to be wonder woman, all the time"

She looked over at the looming figure in the doorway and smirked before Jax walked into the room

"How did you know about my secret identity"

"Babe, these days there isn't much I don't know about you"

Stella chuckled because it was true. They were closer than either of them thought they would ever be.

"You speak to Tara?" She asked with a smile

"Yes. Went well"

"Good" she said as her smile got bigger

"I never thought you'd be a cheerleader for us" he said leaning up against the bench. His mother certainly wasn't a fan. She was anything but please with her son and his high school sweetheart. Gemma didn't understand how Jax could go back and forth between the want and need that he had felt for Stella over the years and straight back into Tara's bed but Stella understood, all too well.

"You're meant to be. You and Tara, it's the same thing that I had with my husband. There is something that will always be there, always draws you to them, no matter what. You might drive each other crazy at time but you always better each other, Even at the worst of times"

For the first time calling Kozik her husband, didn't bother him. She really was something else, she was surprising and she had more integrity then all of them combined.

"What are you trying to do?" he asked changing the subject.

"Get the box of Jameson, the bar is completely dry. What do you boys do when I'm not here?"

"Crawl up into the fetal position and suck our thumb until you get back"

Stella chuckle because she didn't want to laugh, because it hurt, Jax picked up the box and carried it out and Stella followed him back to the bar.

Half an hour later the clubhouse was silent, all the guys must have gone on their secret mission and she was actually enjoying the quiet. Stella hadn't had much of it of the past few weeks. It was a welcome change. She was crouched down behind the bar, stocking it up with liquid goodies when she turned the wrong way and felt a familiar pain.

"Are you out of your goddamn mind!" She knew that voice; they were the first words he had said to her in weeks "You were in the damn hospital only a few hours ago and now working your ass off? What are you thinking?"

"I was thinking a job needed to be done" she said standing up but not facing him and grimacing with pain.

"You're crazy"

"You should know"

"I need to borrow you car"

She gave him a bitter chuckle before finally turning around to face him "The first time that he talks to me and he wants something out of me"

"Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You lied to me, for months. You and Jax were running behind my back"

"What did you expect me to do? Sitting you down and say _Hey babe, you know that day that Darby took me to that boat shed. When I got home Jax come over and we had sex? _How would you have reacted? Last time I was in a relationship with a Son, he didn't react too well"

"You were barely nineteen when you were with Kozik!"

"I was eighteen when we slept together!"

"That's different"

They both stared each other down with their hands on their hips.

"I need to borrow you car" He repeated

Stella dug her hand into her jean pocket and pulled out her keys via the key ring. She lightly tossed the keys towards him.

"Don't crash it"

"Have a little faith, Princess" She stopped and looked up at him as the tears welled up in her eyes. It's the first time he had called her Princess since she had woke up in the hospital. She tried to cover it but he noticed "Go see Chucky. He's missed you"

"Will do"

She didn't watch him walkout. Stella just turned around and got back to work. Once the bar was stock and looked presentable Stella decided that she should go and do what everybody was telling her to do and go see Chucky.

She walked over to the auto shop and into the office. Chucky was on the phone to someone.

"Yeah, they're all up there with Darby. They all wanted to be a part of it, I accept that"

As Chucky turned around to see her standing there, the color ran out of his face and he hung up the phone without saying goodbye

"They have Darby where, Chucky?"

"Can't tell you. Tig would kill me"

"If you don't I'm going to kill you"

He weighted it up in his head. Tig was scary but the look on Stella's face was a whole lot scarier.

"At the cabin"

Stella pouted at him and nodding her head. She thought they might have been involving with Darby, judging on how the guys had been acting and the fact that they weren't allowed to tell him but actually being told that they had Darby up in the cabin was a totally different thing. She needed to deal with this, on her own. If that meant she needed to wait outside that cabin all night long until Darby was alone, that was what she was going to do.

"Chucky, I need a lift"

Chucky just stared at her terrified because he knew whatever was going to happen next, it wasn't going to be good.

Tara saw Stella walking down the hospital corridor. It was strange between them since the shooting. They were actually getting on and even though Jax was now back together with Tara there was no animosity between the two.

"Stel" Tara called out "Are you okay?"

"Physically yeah"

"What's the matter?"

"I need a big favor"

Tara frowned at her before pulling Stella into an empty room and locked the door behind them

"I'm not going to like this, am I?"

Stella just gave her a weak smile "I found out where Darby is. I need you to get me some things"

Tara took the folded piece of paper out of Stella's hands and looked down the list as her eyes grew in size.

"Stella, think about this okay?"

"Tara, I'm not crazy I just... Imagine getting Jax back, being blissfully happy, more happy then you very thought you could be and then someone taking that away from you. Someone taking Jax away from you, forever. What would you do? What would you be capable of?"

Tara hoped never to be in the situation but with Jax only now re-entering her life much like Kozik had. Knowing exactly what Stella through, Tara didn't know what she would be capable of, if she met the same unfortunate end of Stella did. Tara looked back down at the list.

"I'm _not _giving you _acid"_

"I knew you wouldn't I just put it on there just in case you did let me have it"

"I've got most of this at home, the scalpels. I'll have to get from here. If anyone asks, your wound got infected"

"Infected wound, got it"

They both exited the room and headed down the corridor when Stella heard Tara mutter.

"Can't believe I'm doing this"

Stella just chuckled at the comment and told her "Welcome to the Family"


	29. Chapter 29

_It took him a second to fully take in the scene. Darby strapped to a chair. Long slashes down the length of Darby's arms, scalpel in her hands. Stella sitting directly across from him, calmly watching him bleed to death. Bullets in both his knees. How long had this been going on for?_

"_Holy shit" he said under his breath. _

_Jax walked over to him._

"_I've tried talking to her. She's zoned out, like she can't even hear me"_

"_That's surprising since you two are so close else days" Tig said bitterly not taking his eyes off Stella, she had no idea he was even there. Last time he had seen her like that was when Kozik died._

"_Can we just drop that for now? If we don't do something, she is going to kill him and she is going to go to prison" Jax told him _

"_No she's not. Even if she kills him, I'd cover it up because that's the difference between you and me"_

_Tig stepped away and moved closer to her._

"_Princess?" he said softly "Whatcha doin'?"_

_Stella finally looked away from and casually answered as if she said 'Washing the dishes'_

"_Watching him bleed to death" _

_Her eyes flickered back to Darby before running the scalpel from Darby wrist slowly down has hand and to the tip of his index finger. The cabin filled with the sound of Darby screaming in pain. Tig looked on fearful, scared even._

"_Why don't you just shot him?"_

"_Too quick. Not painfully enough, he wouldn't suffer"_

_Tig frowned before walking over and stood behind her before taking a deep breath, he truly didn't know what to do. He was at a loss._

"_Baby, this isn't you"_

"_This isn't your Princess?" she asked with a chuckle. Tig couldn't argue with that, he had done worse; he had taught her everything she knew._

"_Yes, this is my princess but this isn't Kozik's wife" She inhaled, like someone had kicked her in the stomach. "This isn't the woman he loved, the woman that made him better than he ever thought possible. Like your Mama did for me. Like you did for me. You're going to let Darby take that away?"_

"_He shot me, he used the love of my life to try and kill my family. He ripped my heart out of my chest, Alex"_

"_Baby, I know that but were going to make him answer for that. He not going to walk out of here"_

"_Then let me do it"_

"_No"_

"_Why not!" she yelled. Stella got up from the chair and pulled her gun out of her hand bag. She walked over to Darby and aimed it at his head "I need to do this. I have to do this. Its the only way I'm going to get better! It the only way I can move on"_

_She felt his arm wrap around her stomach and felt him pull her in tight "He wouldn't want you to do this. You know, Kozik wouldn't want you to do this, all those dreams telling you not to do this. Don't you remember your nightmares for the past two years, the sleepless nights. That wasn't just because you took Kozik's life; it was because you took a life." He wrapped his hand around her hand and the gun "You do this, it will change you forever, and it will haunt you forever. You'll lose that sweetness that makes you my princess and I will give anything for that not to happen. Let me do it"_

_Stella finally looked over at him and it was like she was a little girl again. Her big green eye grew in size_

"_You promise?" she whispered_

"_Yeah, I promise Baby" he whispered back "Give me the gun"_

_She gently took her hand out from under his as his grip around her tightened. She turned around and hugged him as if he was the only thing saving her from drowning. _

"_I just wanted it to stop"_

"_I'm going to make it stop, baby" he kissed her on the forehand as she closed her eyes "Wait for me outside. I'll only be a minute, Okay?"_

_Stella nodded her head, let go, took her hand bag and walked outside. The breeze hit her like a freight train, blowing her hair back over her shoulders taking all the tension and pain she had been holding away with it . She slowly walked over to Tara's car slid up onto the hood and waited. Suddenly a gunshot echoed out of the cabin and into the wood. She jumped and gasped because it seemed to come out of nowhere, even though she knew it was coming. She watched Jax, Tig and Bobby walk out of the cabin. Tig handed Bobby the gun and walked over to her._

"_Are we done now? Can I have my girl back now?"_

"_Your girl never went anywhere. I've always been right here; it's been you that went away"_

_He took her ankle and gently pulled down the hood as she let playful sequel._

"_You've been miles away for months and you know that" She looked down and nodded her head "Come here"_

_She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tight, not really wanting to let him go, Stella felt safe there, in his arm, like the world couldn't touch her. He hopped up on the hood next to her_

"_So a scalpel?"_

"_Tara wouldn't give me any acid"_

"_Acid? Shit you are mine aren't you"_

"_A lot can be said for learnt behavior"_

_He pulled back and looked at her, study her. Tig wonder what she would have been like if she never came back to Charming when her grandmother took her away. What she could have been? What she would be like?_

"_You have an okay job with you didn't I? You could have been anything and had a safe life, been a lady"_

"_I am a lady"_

"_No I mean been scared shitless of guns and not had a clue how to use a knife. Be a little girl played with dolls"_

"_I hate dolls" she interrupted_

"_That only because I hate dolls"_

"_No it's not. That's because dolls are creepy" they both chuckled _

"_Listen to me, Alex. I love my life. I love the life that you gave me. I love that I know about guns and I know how to protect myself. I love that I am the type of girl that can change not only a tire but also carburetor and a fan belt and probably an engine, if I had too. Yes, the past few years have been hell but" she stopped and took a deep breath "I would have rather have loved him for the short amount of time that we had, then never had met him at all. Yes I've been stuck for a long time without him but that has been of my own making, that's been my whole fault. Nothing to do with you"_

"_You lost the love of your life"_

"_Koz wasn't the only love of my life. I've got you. You're my family and I love you. Even though I have a funny way of showing it some days" _

"_Where are you next?" he asked quietly. Knowing that it had been far too long since his little gypsy had set foot on foreign soil._

"_You getting sick of me already?"_

"_Never"_

"_I was actually thinking of hanging up my suitcase for good. I mean no matter where I go and how long I go for. I always come back here to charming. Ever since I was a kid. I wouldn't want to be anywhere and I have seen everywhere else" she smiled as he took that all in and a smiled danced on his face "Although I may take a small trip to Russia when I'm all better and what not"_

"_Small trip?"_

"_Couple of weeks"_

_Tig nodded his head and gently pulled her off the car and on to her feet. " Come on, lets get out of here. Ladies first"_

_She follow the three of them home and they told no one what happened, only a handful of people knew and that was the way that her scarecrow wanted to keep it. To keep her safe._


	30. Question?

Hi My Loves,

I was just wondering if you guys and gals who have been reading Stella's story, would be interested in reading a type of prequel about Stella and Kozik, how they met, how they got together? That type of thing.

Let me know if you want to read something like that and I'll see what I can come up with, because I only write this stuff for you guys

Thank you, so much for reading my stuff and reviewing it all. You have no idea what it means to me.

Love L

xox


	31. Chapter 31

Somehow hanging out with Jax and Opie, standing in-between them both. Stella had never seemed so tiny, so delicate. When in actual fact she was one of the toughest people he knew. Lyla walked over and took Stella's hand before dragging her over to the make shift dance floor. Tig stood at the bar, with a fresh beer in his hand and watched his princess dance in a corner of the clubhouse with a few of the sweetbutts including Ima, who would have thought that could ever happen. There was a smile on her face and she was having a good time. If he knew killing Darby would give her such peace, he would have done it a long time ago. Stella hadn't had a drink since and a few days ago quit smoking. He only had a few more days with her; she was leaving on Monday to go to Russia. It was only for two weeks but he always worried, like once she left, he would never see her again. Stella's cackle broke through the music and flowed through the clubhouse and some of the weight lifted off his shoulders.

"Been a while since we've heard that" Gemma said walking up behind him.

"Didn't realise how much I missed it. She's still in pain, Gem"

"Yeah but you can't have a love, like the one Stella lost and not be in pain. You of all people should know that. She's on her way and that's all that matters"

"I guess you're right"

"Does she know the truth about you and Savannah?" Gemma asked eyeing him suspiciously

"She knows what she needs to know"

"Tigger!"

"It wouldn't change anything and there's nothing really to tell. What a couple of drunken night when Rooster was away. Which Savannah always felt guilty about and always regretted"

"Not true, she loved you. The timing was just wrong"

"I wouldn't want to ruin Stella's memory of her mother"

Gemma disagreed but knew it was a waste of time and energy auguring with him. Once he had made his mind that was the end of it.

"Is she really going to put down roots here?"

"Stella says so but between you and me, I think two weeks in Russia will turn into two more weeks in Ireland and wherever else she goes. She'll never clip those wings"

Stella must have sensed that they were talking about her because she looked straight at them and playfully frowned, before continuing to dance with the girls.

Later that night she found him outside, on the swing set drinking a beer. She quietly walked up to him before asking.

"You and Gemma done talking shit about me?" she asked playfully

"We never talk shit about you. We discuss, there's a difference Princess. Although we did talk about dating soooo many club members. It's a little worrying" he joked as she sat down beside him and started to swing.

"Yeah, I was thinking maybe Juice could be next. I mean he's cute, right?"

"Please tell me you're joking" Stella couldn't contain her laughter any longer and started to giggle before nodding her head "Jesus, Sweetheart. What are you trying to do, give me a heart attack?"

This only made her laugh even more. Stella knew within her heart, she wouldn't date within the club ever again and maybe no one else, ever. Strangely enough she was okay when that. After she lost her husband, she had tried to move on. First with Liam, a man that loved her with all he had to give and then with Jax. Stella now saw that she couldn't force that type of happy ending because maybe, just maybe, she had already gotten her happily ever after and she loved him with all she had to give and that was more than some people experienced in their lives. No matter what had gone on in her life, she had always been loved and most of all by the man sitting next to her and she loved him just as much.

"Nah babe I think you're only crow for me, you and me against the world right? Despite some people thinking of you as a father figure in my life. Which creeps me out beyond words. It has become very clear to me. I've always been your girl, Tigger. I always have been, always will be. Sorry you didn't get the mother, but you got the daughter"

"I'm not complaining"

"Good because in two weeks, you will be stuck with me, forever. You'll get sick of me"

"Never"

"You say that now"

"So, what's the plan"

"Girls night with Ellie, tomorrow, Sleep over"

"Costumes including?"

"You think I should?"

"Baby, I always think you should"

She quickly hit him on the arm. She was excited to go to Russia; she was excited to go anywhere. It had been a long time since she wanted to be anywhere but Russia was one of her favorite places and she couldn't wait to get back

_She found herself a little hazy on the porch of her old place in New Orleans. The heat was as she remembered. She looked around taking everything in._

"_I asked you not to do that" he told her quietly. She could hear it in his voice, he was pissed at her. "You could have died Stella. Again"_

_Stella turned around and smiled at him_

"_Long time, no see"_

"_Doesn't mean I haven't been around"_

"_How's my daughter?"_

"_Looking more like you every day and don't change the subject. Everything that happened to me was my own fault, of my own making. I didn't need you to do that"_

"_I needed to do that, Baby. I needed to do that so I could move on and I'm torn because I want to move on, I want to be happy but I never want to let you go. I don't want to say goodbye. I don't want to forgot you"_

"_Baby you're thirty and you have a very long life ahead of you. I will not be the only love of your life. You'll find him or rather he is going to find you. Trust me. I'm not you're only but I am you're first"_

"_Do I know him already?"_

"_No"_

"_Well that's my Juice theory out the window"_

"_You're joking, right?"_

_She looked up at him with a cheeky look in her eyes that told him that she was. He remembered the last time they were standing on that porch together. First time that he had seen her, Stella had taken his breath away. Then again, she always had._

"_Is this the last time I'm going to see you or will I have to keep doing things that piss you off, to get a visit"_

"_You keep pissing me off you'll know about it woman" Stella cackled at him and shook her head "I'll in pop in off time to time. Just like Savannah does for Tig, still."_

"_You serious?"_

"_Mmm-hmm" Kozik gently took a hold of her hand and softly kissed her palm "It's okay to say goodbye. It's okay to move on, I won't disappear. I'll be here when you need me. I promise"_

_She softly nodded her head in agreement. He kissed her on the forehead. She knew he was getting ready to say goodbye. She wrapped her arms around his waist and closed her eyes._

"_I don't want to go back"_

"_You're not going back. You're going forward. You're gotta wake up now, Baby. Okay?"_

"_Okay" she agreed_

Her eyes opened slowly and she was back in her bedroom, peaceful in her own bed. She took a deep breath and rubbed her eyes. It was five o'clock in the morning and she really needed some coffee.


	32. Chapter 32

_She was surprised to see Jackson knocking on her front door, with Ellie in toe. She opened the door before Ellie hugged her tight. _

_"Where's Ope?" _

_"With the boy" _

_"There's ice cream in the freezer" Stella whispered playfully before she ran off into the kitchen. _

_"How come you didn't tell me you were leaving tomorrow?" _

_Stella had flashback to the last time she was going to leave, Ellie going missing, Jax being pissed at her. She really didn't want a repeat. _

_"You and Tara have just gotten back together. I remember what that was like. You barely come up for air" _

_"You still should have told me" _

_"I'm back in two weeks" _

_"You better be" Jax said as he walked into the house, only to see layers of candy, lollies and chocolate all over her coffee table."Holy Shit. Looks like Willy Wonka threw up in here"_

"_This is nothing. You should see the kitchen"_

"_You really love that little girl, don't you?"_

"_Kindred spirits, I guess"_

_Jax frowned at her. There was a reason that he had driven Ellie to Stella's. She hadn't told him about leaving. Given the history over the past year, he was kind of hurt. Not to sound like a pussy or nothin' but it did. They had been through a lot._

"_So, what time you leaving tomorrow huh?"_

"_Yep a two o'clock flight" she could tell he was slightly put out by the fact that she hadn't told him "Jackson I didn't want to interrupt the Jackson and Tara show. I know that Tara helped me out the other day but she's still a little iffy about me. She probably always will be, I just didn't want to push it"_

"_You could have. I mean come on. Look what we're been through"_

"_Babe, I love you but our relationship was a rollercoaster at best and I don't regret a single day of it but I'm glad things worked out the way they did and I should have told you, it was a bitch move but I'll be back in a few weeks"_

"_I'll forgive you, if you come back in a few weeks"_

"_I will I promise"_

_Ellie came walking out with a tub of ice cream under her arm. "Where are the bowls?"_

"_Bowls? Get a spoon out of the draw and eat it out of the carton. Have I taught you nothing, child?"_

"_Okay" Ellie said leaving again._

"_Woah, great role model Aunty Stel"_

"_Do you want to come over tomorrow and do the washing up? Nah I didn't think so"_

"_I'm going home before I get in more trouble"_

_Jax kissed Stella goodbye called out to Ellie and waited until he heard a little cheep from the kitchen and made his way out the door._

"_Okay" Stella said walking through the house and into the kitchen "Pizza or Chinese?"_

"_Stel, Come on"_

"_You're totally right. There is only one correct answer to that question. Pizza it is" she picked up the phone and dialled the number "Hopeful the delivery guy is hot"_

_Ellie chuckled before opening a block of chocolate_

_A few hours later they were both lying on the couch, bellies full of pizza and sugar, watching their own private screening of Mean Girls._

"_Stella, can you grab my bag?"_

_Stella slowly lent over on to her side and bent down on to the floor and grabbed Ellie bag. Groaning as she pulled it up._

"_Oh geez, what is in this thing?"_

"_A present for you"_

"_For me? What?"_

"_I remember that you carried a photograph of you and Koz around and I knew it got ruined when you got well" Ellie stopped and tried to think of another word because she didn't want to say shot "Injured"_

_Stella brushed Ellie's hair down and smiled. Clearly Stella wasn't the only one that was scarred that day. Ellie pulled out a shiny paper envelop out of her bag and handed it to Stella._

"_What are these?"_

"_I took some photographs of the both of you; well everyone really before he died and I wanted you to have them. So you could remember him"_

_Tears started to well up in Stella eyes but she stopped them before Ellie could see them, she was just so touched. She opened the enveloped and looked at a few of the photographs, mostly taken at the clubhouse or at Gemma's what looked like a dinner. She picked up one of the photographs and show Ellie._

"_My husband was hot, wasn't he?"_

"_I always thought so"_

_Stella looked at her in mock shock, some real shock but playfully over dramatized and opened mouth._

"_Ellie Winston, didn't you have a crush on my husband?"_

"_Maybe a little one but you had nothing to worry about"_

"_You think?"_

"_Nah" Ellie told her before going back to the movie. Stella tired not to laugh but she was amused and really wanted too. Kozik would have loved to know that._

_She sat in on the front step of her place while Ellie peacefully slept inside. She took a better look at the photographs that Ellie had given her. She never remembered being happier then she was in their time together but she knew, in the moments she was living now, Stella was beginning to be that happy again. The pain was still there but so was the joy of life, she was letting things go, moving on. She heard a bike a street or two away, she knew it was a Harley, there have a distinct sound of their own, a sound she was only too familiar with. She smiled when she saw who it was, but should she really be surprised?_

"_Whatcha ya doin'?" Tig asked sitting next to her._

"_Getting some air while Ellie is inside, in a deep sugar coma" She noticed him take a quick glance at the picture in her hand, there was no point in denying it, they were right there "Looks like we have own little stalker-razzi. Ellie wanted to replace the one that got ruined when I got, well, shot"_

"_She's a sweet kid"_

"_Yeah, she is. Did you know she had a crush on my husband?"_

"_Doesn't surprise me, Ellie always wanted to be like her Aunt Stella"_

"_God, I hope not. I want more for her then that" Tig looked over at her with a smug look on his face. A few years back he had said the same thing to her "Shut up"_

"_You know she's not your only stalker"_

"_Excuse me?"_

"_I knew you were in New Orleans. I used to go up there, every now and again, just to check up on you. In case you needed me. You were working in that cafe, you always used to flirt with the boss guy. Looked like he enjoyed it"_

_She looked over at him shocked and a little impressed._

"_What else have you been keeping from me?"_

"_Oh, you know, this and that"_

_Stella shook her head and smiled. She had no doubt that there were things that he would always keep from her. She was old enough now to know he did it to keep her safe and some things, she didn't need to know, that was his decision and Stella was now okay with that._

"_I don't think you're as secret agent, as you think you are. I think I know more than you think I do"_

"_Okay, you think that Princess"_

_She rolled her eyes and shook her head. It was nights like this that reaffirmed her decision to stay in Charming for good. It was her home and she didn't understand why she had been running from it, for so long._

_Thank you to everybody who has been reading Stella's journey. Commenting and making it one of their favorite stories. It means the world to me. When I get reviews about how emotional people are getting and have gotten over this past year –since I've been posting them. It means I'm doing my job right. This is the second last chapter and I'll get started on the finale soon, I promise._

_Some people have been saying they wouldn't mind a prequel about Koz and Stella and I'm going to see what I can do. See if I can make it as good._

_Thanks so much for reviewing and taking the time to read all this stuff – it fuels me to keep going – keep writing_

_Love you all so much for your support._

_Love L_

_xox_


	33. Finale

She didn't say much when Opie picked her up. They quickly went to the clubhouse, Stella dropped something off, said her goodbyes quickly and they were on the road again. He couldn't quite put his finger on it but there was a finality to everything she was doing. She was coming back, they all knew that, they all loved the fact that she was final coming home for good but it was like a chapter was ending and Opie didn't know why. She looked over at Opie who was driving down the main street over Charming. She realised she needed to make one more stop.

"Hey, Can we pit stop? There's something I need to do"

"Sure"

Opie watched her walk up to Kozik gravestone and take a deep breath as she did. Stella untied the necklace from around her neck, the one that held Kozik's wedding ring before taking her own off her finger. She kissed both rings at the same time before placing them both on top of the headstone. Her engagement ring, however. Stella was keeping a hold of that one.

"I love you" she told him before turning around to see Opie was gone.

She looked around and took a walk through the cemetery, walking past her mother and her father, to find Opie standing before Donna's headstone, having an internal conversation with his wife, just like she had just had with her husband. Once he was finished he turned around and Stella gave him a sweet understanding smile, before hold out her hand for his. She wrapped both her arms around one of his and they walked out of the cemetery and back to the truck. Away from their past and hopefully into a happier future

Meanwhile on the other side of town someone else was about to get some closure of his own. Tig walked into his room, to find a little blue journal sitting on his bed. He frowned in confusion; sure he knew it wasn't his. He picked it out and pulled out a white card sticking out of the top.

_So the joke is on you. I know your secret. That piece of your past that you neglected to tell me, about you and my Mama. This book that you are now holding in your hands, I want you to read this, it's her journal. I found it in the box of stuff that Gemma gave me so long ago. It will answer all the questions that you have ever had about her. I know it was only a few times you were together but it meant just as much to her as it did to you. She was falling in love with you, Tigger. Read her words, find out the truth. I know now that more than anything else it was her journals that brought me home to you, few years ago. It was my Mama sending me home._

_I love you, see you soon_

_Stel_

_P.s – Sleeping with the mother and the daughter, nice work Romeo._

Tig chuckled and shook his head. He opened the cover and then closed it again. Did he really want to read this? It was private, it was Savannah. He had been killing himself with questions about her, about their time together. Trust his Princess to find him the answers


	34. Author Note

Hey Guys,

Just in case you didn't know there is a Koz and Stella prequel online. So if you're interest in reading it. Go over too

s/8899592/1/Whiskey-Mystics-Men

Enjoy and tell me what you think

Thanks for all the support

Much Love

L

xox


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